As many of you probably haven't noticed because the change is so subtle it's, like, not even there, I'm trying to be more positive on this blog, just to see what that's like. But I can't really muster up the will to do that this time around. I am grumpy, plain and simple, and there isn't a confection in the world that could cure my crankiness, damnit. I have a confession: I got the FOMO, guys. I got the FOMO real bad. I have stalked all of your Instagrams, seen your happy news on Facebook, chuckled at your vibrantly witty tweets and liked your new positions on LinkedIn, and I AM ALSO CRAZY JELLY OF ALL OF YOU. And it totally smarts to admit that.
I've spent almost every day of the last three months on Google Flights, selecting flights on SUPER shady (and also dirt-cheap) airlines to fancy European destinations. I get all the way to the "payment info" page before I pretty much freak out, bail, and whine about money. I get that there are bigger problems in the world-- I'm lucky to have a forum to complain on, hell I'm lucky to have an internet connection-- but sometimes it is very difficult not to feel like a big old damned loser. Where did I go wrong in life, that I can't even purchase a simple 4 or 5 day vacation to anywhere without losing my mind over the cost?! (Btw, as I write this, I have no less than seven other tabs open with seven separate vacation deals from seven separate sites, all pretty much at the checkout stage. Sigh). This is probably some sort of cultural or hereditary or Catholic thing, because somewhere in life, I am convinced, someone told me that the purpose of life is suffering, and that all that matters is that we toil away in misery until we all eventually perish, penniless and alone. Maybe that was never expressly told to me, and is instead something my twisted brain took away as a lesson from an episode of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, because that's something that happens to anxious, misanthropic Indian women sometimes. Right?
I have recently realized that I will happily spend money on household necessities, gifts for loved ones, and even mint chocolate chip ice cream (*shudder*) for my boyfriend, but I will find every single reason in the world to resist treating myself. Yes folks, Clorox Cleaning Wipes > Anything That Could Possibly Elevate My Overall Well-Being. I really don't get it either. What I do get is that this is very much a champagne problem, but it is still one that I can't help writing for all of you to see, mostly because I am hoping I am not the only one who feels this way. And I think a big part of it is also coming to terms with the fact that my life has taken a much different trajectory from the life I'd planned, from the life people around me are living and-- I assume-- expected I'd live, too. Sometimes it's hard to see the people around you grow and change and experience amazing things that you always thought you'd have experienced too by now. It's hard to accept that your timeline is different, or that your timeline was never even really a timeline but a time rhombus that will zip and zoom you in and out of places faster than you could say "Why in blog's name am I so bitter?!" It's difficult to feel left behind, to feel like there are choices that I should have made but didn't, and that now because of the way I've gone I'm somehow lacking in awesome. And I don't want to be lacking in awesome.
Now, it is currently an unseasonably warm 80 degrees outside, and I have been known to short-circuit and completely bug out when I overheat, so maybe this is all weather-related angst. And I think I know how to fix that: more booze popsicles.
Pina Colada Poptails
1 1/2 cups of coconut milk
1 cup of fresh pineapple
1/3 cup of brown sugar
1/3 cup of lime juice
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/4 cup of rum (omit if making non-alcoholic)
1/4 cup of shredded coconut, optional
In a blender, mix together coconut milk, pineapple, brown sugar, lime juice and cinnamon. Stir in rum and fold in coconut, if using. Divide among paper cups or popsicle molds and freeze for at least four hours (if using paper cups, snip one side to make it easier to remove popsicles when frozen,; wait at least an hour until popsicles are semi-frozen and place a wooden popsicle stick into each cup, then place back in freezer).
If using molds, dip mold in warm water until popsicles slide out, and if using paper cups, tear the cup around the popsicle. Enjoy.
Ho man. Do not drive or operate any heavy machinery for a LOT of hours after having one of these potent poptails. But are they any good? Oh they're I'm-not-planning-any-parties-so-I'm-going-to-have-a-solo-frozen-fiesta-ASAP good. I'm home alone and I'm happily snacking (sipping?) on one.
Warning: may cause FOMO in all of your FB friends ;)