Month: June 2011

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Frozen Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Icebox Cake… Because It’s Easy, We’re Lazy and I’m in a Fight With My Oven.

Holy Stink City, Batman*! Did we ever really have a spring in NYC? I mean, it went from monsoon season to one big bikram yoga room. And it smells like a bikram session about half an hour in. Come on New Yorkers…I know you’re well aware of that, um, aroma, that envelops the city come summer. I started whiffing it weeks ago. At first I thought it was just me, but I smell like friendship and butterflies all the time. So there’s no way it’s me.

Anyway, because it’s hot as the Devil’s playground outside, it is EVEN HOTTER inside of my apartment. I’ve basically been living in my bedroom– the only room with an air conditioner– and enduring the stifling heat of the rest of my crib only when absolutely necessary. Know what’s not necessary? An oven. So I’ve been trying to avoid using mine as much as possible. That means lots of made-up stir-fry dishes featuring special guests from my pantry. It also means I need to figure out a new way to get my sweet tooth on.

Enter icebox cakes. Icebox cakes! How awesomely brilliant are these? Well, let me tell you how awesome. They involve your freezer, a bunch of yummy ingredients, and, typically, very little prep time. This cake in particular only calls for four ingredients. Four!

Basically, I was having a weeknight dinner party and needed a dessert that would be easy, delicious and would not require the use of my oven, which I obviously have a beef with right now (A beef. There’s no beef in it, though. I don’t even eat beef. Why am I telling you this?). Enter Martha Stewart (not really, since she wasn’t invited to the party) and the Chocolate Ricotta Icebox Cake. Behold, fellow lazies!

Chocolate Ricotta Icebox Cake

– 14 oz of semisweet baking chocolate

– 30 oz of part-skim ricotta cheese

– 3/4 cup of heavy cream

– Pretty much an entire box of Chocolate Teddy Grahams

Ok, so, the Teddy Graham situation. Basically, I couldn’t find chocolate wafers anywhere. Admittedly, I didn’t really scour every market in the whole world (read: Queens) for them, but you’d think they’d be easier to find. I used Teddy Grahams instead, which proved pretty painstaking, but ultimately delicious. Use the wafers if you’re cool enough to find them.

Start with a 9-inch springform pan. Remove the sides and lay a sheet of parchment paper over the bottom. Then lock the sides back in. It’ll look like your pan has a cape. Hehe. Spray the pan with nonstick spray and set aside.

On to the good stuff: the chocolate and ricotta! Melt 12 ounces of the chocolate in a microwaveable bowl at 30-second increments, stirring after each nuke, until it’s smooth. In a separate bowl, beat the ricotta until it’s fluffy and smooth, then stir into the melted chocolate. In another bowl (yes, lots of bowls, I know, still no oven though!), beat the heavy cream with a hand mixer until stiff peaks form. Fold this into the chocolate-ricotta mixture until fully combined.

And now, my favorite part (sarcasm): the crust. Arrange the Teddy Grahams/wafers in the bottom of the pan so that they overlap. If you’re using Teddy Grahams, you now know why you’ll need the whole box. Congratulations and best wishes to you.

Check out my menacing shadow. These grahams don't stand a chance, man.

Once the bottom’s swimming in Teddies, pour half of the ricotta mixture into the pan, smoothing the top. Lay even more chocolate wafers/Grahams over this mixture until it’s completely covered, then finish with the remaining chocolate-ricotta goodness. Smooth the top, and shove this into your freezer for at least 6 hours, and preferably overnight.

Before you serve it, remove the sides of the pan. Then, using a vegetable peeler or a grater, shave the remaining 2 ounces of chocolate that you kept and most certainly did not eat because you thought Shibow had messed up the measurements on this over the top of the cake. When slicing, try to keep a bowl of hot water nearby. Dip your knife into the water after each slice. I did not do this, and because I had also had a heaping glass of chocolate-infused wine, some of my cake ended up on the floor and on my sister’s foot. She said it “felt mighty nice” though. It tasted even better. Oh, also, I don’t have a picture of the finished cake because I was busy drinking wine and dropping pieces of it on the floor. Feel free to check out Martha’s obviously perfect picture though by clicking over to her site.

*I will never stop finding “Holy _____  Batman” phrases entertaining. Sorry, folks.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites

Discovering Myself…Just Kidding! It’s a Peanut Butter Fudge Post

Last year I decided I needed to find myself, so I took a little trip down to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina alone. Yes, alone. I know you’re jealous. One day, while I was sitting on a pier overlooking the gorgeous beach and reading a David Sedaris book, a man who was probably my dad’s age told me two jokes, recited one Bible verse (which I at first thought was a third joke), and then asked me how I felt about older men. I nervously giggled, mumbled the word “boyfriend” and ran to the nearest safe place: a gourmet chocolate shop.

View from the pier. Apparently quite the happenin' pick up spot for older gents.

Said chocolate shop contained an assortment of goodies. I probably bought half the store in my delirium. No, this is not true. Clive Owen could have asked me out and I would have bought out that shop…and served the goodies at my and Clive’s wedding reception.

The most memorable item I purchased was a half-pound of chocolate peanut butter swirl fudge that never quite made it onto the plane back to Killa Queens (Because I devoured it, not because airport security confiscated it. The Man can’t bring me down.) I’m sure I won’t be able to replicate it, but I’ve got a jar of vanilla-cranberry peanut butter that needs using. It’s a little too vanilla-y or berry-y or something-y for my taste, but I imagine the sweetness will work well in a fudge recipe, especially if I reduce the amount of added sugar. I also need to get rid of this jar of useless nothing because I really, really don’t like the taste and it’s taking up precious pantry real estate.

Anyway, I decided to try to find a recipe to guide me on my journey, but nothing really struck my fancy-pantsy. Corn syrup kinda bugs me and sweetened condensed milk would be too sweet for this jar of fragrant-candle-scented PB I’m using. (I know I am hating hard on this jar. But it’s not good. Please don’t try it. It will not enhance your peanut butter and jelly sammies. No matter what shapes you cut them into.) So, I decided to do things my own way. As you will see, this consisted of me shoving a bunch of ingredients into a heatproof bowl, licking a lot of wooden spoons, and crossing my fingers. I highly recommend this process. Let’s get cookin’!

Doesn't that jar of "PB" just look menacing and evil?

Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge That Did Not Swirl Even Though I Wish It Had

1 tablespoon of butter

2/3 cup of evaporated milk

1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 1/2 tablespoons of cocoa powder

1 cup of brown sugar

1 1/4 cup of vanilla and cranberry all-natural peanut butter, made by Archer Farms for God only knows what reason

Yeah, that title has a story behind it, which you’ll read if you stick around long enough. Oh, also, this recipe would also work well if you subbed in any of that not all-natural peanut butter… the Jiff, Skippy, Reese’s, whatevs. Because there is a ton of added sugar in all of those jars, it’d be better to keep the rest of the sweetness to a minimum, or you will have chatty children or zombified adults on your hands for a good three hours. No one wants this.

On to to the fudge. Combine butter, milk, chocolate, cocoa and brown sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. For a few minutes, it will look like refried beans and you will crave tacos. Seriously. There’s no way this has only happened to me. Stir occasionally until the mixture comes to a boil.

Donde esta el arroz?

Remove from heat, then pour the mixture into an 8×8 inch square pan (You can line the pan in foil if you’d like, but no one’s going to kill you if you don’t. I mean, if someone does kill you, I’m really sorry. But you should find more even-tempered friends). Stir in the peanut butter, which, if you’ve got my luck, will suddenly be a pain to scoop out of the stupid jar. Luckily, once you’re able to get it all out, it should spread fairly easily, given the heat of the chocolate mixture. Try to use a spoon or knife to create a “swirl” effect. I tried and failed. Hence the recipe title. Great story, right?

Chill the fudge in the freezer for at least four hours. Truth be told, this didn’t completely set for me as a fudge. It would, and will, make a terrific ice cream topping, but it’s not super sturdy or anything. Surprisingly, it is delicious, and the peanut butter I was stuck with really shone. I’d still sooner take another solo trip to the dirty south than mess with it again, though.

Droopy, peanut-buttery goodness
Categories
Cookies Strange and Yummy

Sad Shibow and Friends Make One Smart Cookie

My friends are geniuses. I like to keep good company in the hopes that one day I will absorb these smarts through osmosis or telepathy or science or something. Remember what I said about trying to get smart? I need me some knowledge work.

Anyway, my friend Jeff has been wanting to make potato chip chocolate chip cookies, which are exactly what you think they are. The twins and I have a list of activities we are trying to complete before we all drop dead, and these cookies are pretty high up on the list. I’m not sure if we’re all convinced we’re going to expire by the end of the summer or something, but we’ve been making good progress on the list so far. This post got really dark really quickly.

Um…

Oh, also, the other night Jeremy and I went running (it’s this new “thing” I’m trying that involves Usher songs, an inhaler and a lot of trash talk about how awesomely fast I am) and then spontaneously decided we were going to buy a watermelon and fill it with vodka (this was also on our list). We cut a hole in the watermelon, stuck a bottle of Smirnoff into said hole, and waited a few days. Here’s what it looks like. I’m not going to walk you through the whole process. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

Basically the vodka is supposed to seep into the entire watermelon, so that when it’s cut up and scooped out, you get a sweet, spiked treat. That’s what’s supposed to happen. What actually happened was both boys got chunks of pure watermelon while I consumed globs of vodka that had the texture of watermelon. Then I gagged and completely freaked out. We’re pretty sure that the vodka only made it to the top halves of the watermelon. So maybe next time ladies do not go first.

Anyway, that sucked. What did not suck, on the other hand, was our crazy Everything Cookie. I don’t know what else to call it really. Aren’t there times when you’re sitting around watching The Soup and wishing you could shove those potato chips you’re chomping on into a cookie? Yes you do. And yes we did. And si se puede.

College staples.

See the above picture? That is basically the recipe for the absolute perfect cookie. Seriously, this took, like, hundreds of seconds of planning. Here’s what went into our process: the three of us rolled into Stop and Shop, called out junk food we enjoy, bought said junk food, debated buying beer too, decided not to buy the beer because we needed to eat our vodka watermelon (we didn’t find out it sucked until later), and stood in the checkout line looking like a trio of college kids aiming to pack on the freshman fifteen. Welcome to the good life. Let’s get started.

Everything Cookie

1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

3/4 cup of softened butter

1 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 cup of semisweet chocolate chips

2 Almond Joy bars, broken into 1/2 inch chunks (Jeff’s absolutely genius addition, but if you’re not into coconut you can use your favorite candy bar)

3/4 cup of crushed potato chips (we used Kettle Brand Twice Baked Potato Chips, highly recommended)

3/4 cup of crushed pretzels

This dough’s going to need about an hour to chill, so wait to preheat the oven. Cream together the butter and sugar in a large bowl. When fully creamed, beat in the egg, then the vanilla. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda and salt, then fold into the wet ingredients. When that’s mixed, fold in the chocolate chips and then go crazy with the chips, pretzels and Almond Joys. You can even shove your hand into the bag of potato chips and start crushing them over the bowl. I have a feeling I probably said something like “this is for my homies who couldn’t be here” while I sprinkled some over the bowl, because I am messed up like that.

Mix it just a tad more than this.

Chill the bowl of dough in the refrigerator for about an hour. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Drop tablespoon-size balls of dough onto a cookie sheet, then pop into the oven for 11-13 minutes. Cool. Eat. Repeat.

Fat cookies = happy cookies.

I don’t think I can adequately express how much I loved these cookies. These cookies were as good as the watermelon was bad. These were my Glen Hansard of cookies. If Kanye saw Chips Ahoy! getting an award for Greatest Cookie, he’d interrupt its acceptance speech to say the Everything Cookie was the best cookie of all time. Of all time!

Was that last one too much? Maybe it was too much. But it’s true. And I love me some Kanye references.