Category: Chocolate Cheer

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Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Easy Baking No-Bake Recipes

I Married People! That Was Awesome. The Rest of the Week Was Not Awesome.

Grab your hankies, kids. It’s about to get serious up in here. I’d mentioned in an earlier post that I would be officiating two weddings as part of a Pop-Up Chapel. Welp, that day has come and gone. So how’d it go?

It’ll remain with me forever as one of the best days I have ever had. Really. The sun was out in full-force, Dave Holmes was MC-ing, and there were 24 lovely couples lookin’ to get hitched. Does it get any better? Well, maybe. I didn’t really sleep the night before, so I suppose the day would have been better if my sister didn’t have to deal with me making nonsensical observations about denim or randomly bursting into crazed fits of laughter. I somehow managed to pull myself together in time for both ceremonies, though.

I look like I'm sleeping standing up, right? I probably needed to.

If you want to read a bit on the day, you can click here and here. Yes, that is my mug in both, and no, I did not know that I would be featured. NY1 apparently aired two segments that I happened to be in (I officiated the first wedding) several times an hour on Saturday. I am so glad I didn’t know there would be that many news outlets at the wedding, because if I had, I think I would have stuttered and stumbled myself into one hot minister mess.  But man, did I love my couples! Both were adorable and incredibly loving with one another. Being the individual responsible for joining two people forever made me see marriage in a way I hadn’t really before. Who knows if it’s for me or not (sorry My Parents, but really, who knows), but now I think I  get why people do it. Rock on, marrieds! You’ve made me a believer. You’ve also apparently made me a hippie, judging by the philosopicals I now be droppin’.

So, while that Saturday was absolutely lovely, the rest of my week was not, for many reasons. I don’t really think on my feet, and the past few days brought me several back-to-back, rug’s-been-pulled-and-now-you’re-kind-of-screwed moments, which I’m assuming have contributed to my still feeling exhausted and dazed more than a week after the weddings. Sleepy Shibow = Cranky, Lazy, Sad Shibow. I needed sweets, I needed ’em quickly, and I needed ’em easy. So I made a cake in my microwave. And it took less time to make it than it’s taking to write about it.

Yes, you can make a cake in your microwave, and if you’re oven-phobic for the summer like I am, you should make a cake in your microwave. You probably already know about this if you had an Easy Bake Oven in the ’90s, but hopefully you’re a grown up now with a big girl appliance. Let’s be real though– this cake will serve a party of one, so all the better if you’re riding solo. Screw the calming cup of tea and have yourself a heaping mug of cake.

Microwave Chocolate Cake

1/4 cup of all purpose flour

3 tablespoons of sugar

2 tablespoons of cocoa powder

3 tablespoons of milk

1 egg

3 tablespoons of vegetable oil

The tiniest drop of vanilla extract

The tiniest pinch of cayenne pepper, if you like a kick to your cake

Easy as pie. Except it's cake. Whatever.

So, are you ready to make this sucker? Sure? It’ll take everything in you. Actually, it will take one free hand. Whisk together all of the above ingredients in a large mug. If I were you, I’d go in order, mixing all the dry ingredients first and then adding in the wet ones. And make sure the egg’s fully incorporated unless you’d like chocolate scrambled egg cake. That’d be new…and nasty.

Throw it into your microwave for two minutes or until it starts to puff up. The end. Oh, eat. Then the end.

I did stand in front of the microwave for the full two minutes, and I know my microwave window needs cleaning. I am bad.

So it’s a chewy cake, FYI. Remember how I mentioned Easy Bake Ovens? Well, that’s the sort of cake you’ll be dealing with, so if you’re into light and fluffy, this will not be your cup o’ cake. But if you’re cool with dense and rich and need your chocolate fix now, this will do pretty freaking well in a pinch. Next time I’ll probably add some chocolate chips for extra gooeyness. For now, I’m going to have a seat, a mug of cake and a good cry beer.

Here comes the choco-plane... I know that's not funny. 😦
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Chocolate Cheer Fancy Pantsy

I’m Using Pretzels. They Represent My Twisted Emotions.


I'm in a glass case of emotion!

This is me this week, guys. Minus the mustache, fortunately. I mentioned a couple of posts ago that Julie, a beloved coworker of mine, would be leaving the office for snowier pastures. Well, the time has come. I can’t tell you how sad I am. I’m so sad that I cried big Indian baby tears (Indian tears are bigger and hotter than normal tears) at the staff meeting during which she revealed she’d be leaving. Yes, she reads and often comments on the blog, which is greatly appreciated. But it isn’t just about that.

Rare is the coworker who can make you feel “at home” at a place of work on your second day. At least, that’s rare for me, because I am usually mute and terrified for my first week of any job.  She is one of the people I can credit for helping me to really come to enjoy and love this place, and one of the people I can thank profusely for helping me get through some dramarama not too long ago. I can’t really imagine this place without her. For these and many more reasons, the woman deserved a baked good.

I decided to go with something chocolate and pretzel-related because she once brought in a bag of Trader Joe’s chocolate covered pretzels and we all went to town on them. I also decided to pick the most complicated dessert ever because I’ve been lazing on the sweets-making lately and, well, if anybody deserves a treat that requires a couple of days of effort, it’s Jules. Finally, I didn’t realize it would be complicated when I committed to it. That last sentence is pretty much the story of my life, though. Sigh.

I went with the Milk Chocolate Pretzel Tart with Pretzel Crust provided by the fancy corner of the internets, Food & Wine. Because it is fancy, it requires lots of time, so reserve a couple of days for prep, chilling, baking, taste-testing, cleaning and pondering your existence. Also, you have to stick your pinky out as much as possible to keep things classy. Your guests will know if you didn’t do this. Here’s what you’ll need:

Milk Chocolate Pretzel Tart with Pretzel Crust

Crust

1/2 cup of butter, softened

1 1/4 cups of coarsely chopped pretzels (leave a few kind of intact, just because it will liven up the crust a bit)

3/4 cup of confectioner’s sugar

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1 large egg

2 ounces of melted bittersweet chocolate (Wait to melt this until I tell you to. I’m not being bossy, I’m saving your life!)

Filling

1 1/2 cups of heavy cream

3/4 pound of milk chocolate, chopped (about 12 ounces, so I used a bag of Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips)

Crushed pretzels for garnish, and also creme fraiche if you want to go above and beyond with this

The stars of this dish.

You’ll also need a 10-inch tart pan with a removable bottom, but make sure it’s not too removable. As in, make sure you won’t have to deal with any chocolate leakage at the conclusion of your baking adventure. Want to know how I know this? I think you know how I know this.

First, let’s work on the crust. Even though this is fancy, your clothes while baking this need not be. In fact, please wear the rattiest duds you’ve got, because you will get messy. In a large bowl, with an electric hand mixer on low speed, slowly mix together the butter, sugar and 3/4 cup of the pretzels until creamy. It won’t be completely smooth, but you do want it to look like fluff with a few pretzels thrown into the mix. When you’re here, mix in the flour and the egg, then add in the remaining pretzels. Roll out the dough between two pieces of wax paper, flattening it as much as possible without having any spill out through the sides (why yes, this did happen to me). Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes, until completely chilled.

Take the dough out, flatten it to about 12 inches or so, then roll it out over your tart pan. Press the dough into the pan, patching any holes and removing any extra pieces hanging over the sides. Refrigerate for another half hour. Told you this would take some time. I hope you’re watching a Law & Order marathon or something to keep you occupied.

Now, preheat the oven to 350°F. When the dough’s out, line it with parchment paper and fill it with pie weights. If you don’t have pie weights, you can use uncooked rice, pasta, dried beans or ramekins. You might be asking me why you need pie weights at all. Well, homies, pie weights are meant to allow for crusts to literally be “weighed down,” so that during the initial “blind bake,” the crust doesn’t bubble up and develop air pockets. That’d just be weird, and so not classy. After half an hour, pull out the crust, remove the weights and parchment, and send the crust back into the oven for ten more minutes. It’ll look a little something like this:

Let the crust cool for about 10 minutes. While that’s cooling you can go ahead and melt down the bittersweet chocolate. Brush it over the crust and up the sides. I do not play when it comes to pretzels and chocolate, people.

While this is cooling, make the filling. In a small saucepan, bring the heavy cream to a simmer. Remove the pan from heat, stir in your milk chocolate, and continue to stir until the mixture’s melted down completely. Set aside to cool to room temperature. Or, you could send it into the fridge for about 20 minutes if you are pressed for time. I had to somehow wake up for a job the next morning, so I was pressed for time.

Pour the cooled mixture into the cooled crust. Then, BEWARE. Like, really, beware. If your tart pan was as, um, delicate as mine, you will have chocolate oozing out of the bottom, creating a sticky (albeit delicious) mess. Don’t worry, your entire mixture will not get sucked out through the very bottom. In fact, once I was completely finished, the tart looked perfectly level. But I did have to worry about chocolate-y counters and floors, so I am just warning the rest of ya’ll. Have some tin foil or something ready beneath your pan. Send it into your fridge to set for at least four hours. I’d recommend an overnight trip, though. When the filling’s set, break some pretzels over the top for garnish.

So, this seems like a lot of work, right? Well, it is. But if you love to bake, it is fun work. I swear. I would not lie to you. I am a terrible liar, and have been told by three different people this week that I should never play poker. Maybe I should just show you instead:

The in yo' face shot.

In addition to being fun to make, it is and was SO worth the effort. I brought this to work and had completely forgotten that we only have those baby plastic knives, which made this nearly impossible to cut. So instead, a few of us classy ladies dug in with our hands. Yum.

Jules, you’ll be missed more than I can tell you in a wee little blog. Who will want my pregnant unicorn drawings now?

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Frozen Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Icebox Cake… Because It’s Easy, We’re Lazy and I’m in a Fight With My Oven.

Holy Stink City, Batman*! Did we ever really have a spring in NYC? I mean, it went from monsoon season to one big bikram yoga room. And it smells like a bikram session about half an hour in. Come on New Yorkers…I know you’re well aware of that, um, aroma, that envelops the city come summer. I started whiffing it weeks ago. At first I thought it was just me, but I smell like friendship and butterflies all the time. So there’s no way it’s me.

Anyway, because it’s hot as the Devil’s playground outside, it is EVEN HOTTER inside of my apartment. I’ve basically been living in my bedroom– the only room with an air conditioner– and enduring the stifling heat of the rest of my crib only when absolutely necessary. Know what’s not necessary? An oven. So I’ve been trying to avoid using mine as much as possible. That means lots of made-up stir-fry dishes featuring special guests from my pantry. It also means I need to figure out a new way to get my sweet tooth on.

Enter icebox cakes. Icebox cakes! How awesomely brilliant are these? Well, let me tell you how awesome. They involve your freezer, a bunch of yummy ingredients, and, typically, very little prep time. This cake in particular only calls for four ingredients. Four!

Basically, I was having a weeknight dinner party and needed a dessert that would be easy, delicious and would not require the use of my oven, which I obviously have a beef with right now (A beef. There’s no beef in it, though. I don’t even eat beef. Why am I telling you this?). Enter Martha Stewart (not really, since she wasn’t invited to the party) and the Chocolate Ricotta Icebox Cake. Behold, fellow lazies!

Chocolate Ricotta Icebox Cake

– 14 oz of semisweet baking chocolate

– 30 oz of part-skim ricotta cheese

– 3/4 cup of heavy cream

– Pretty much an entire box of Chocolate Teddy Grahams

Ok, so, the Teddy Graham situation. Basically, I couldn’t find chocolate wafers anywhere. Admittedly, I didn’t really scour every market in the whole world (read: Queens) for them, but you’d think they’d be easier to find. I used Teddy Grahams instead, which proved pretty painstaking, but ultimately delicious. Use the wafers if you’re cool enough to find them.

Start with a 9-inch springform pan. Remove the sides and lay a sheet of parchment paper over the bottom. Then lock the sides back in. It’ll look like your pan has a cape. Hehe. Spray the pan with nonstick spray and set aside.

On to the good stuff: the chocolate and ricotta! Melt 12 ounces of the chocolate in a microwaveable bowl at 30-second increments, stirring after each nuke, until it’s smooth. In a separate bowl, beat the ricotta until it’s fluffy and smooth, then stir into the melted chocolate. In another bowl (yes, lots of bowls, I know, still no oven though!), beat the heavy cream with a hand mixer until stiff peaks form. Fold this into the chocolate-ricotta mixture until fully combined.

And now, my favorite part (sarcasm): the crust. Arrange the Teddy Grahams/wafers in the bottom of the pan so that they overlap. If you’re using Teddy Grahams, you now know why you’ll need the whole box. Congratulations and best wishes to you.

Check out my menacing shadow. These grahams don't stand a chance, man.

Once the bottom’s swimming in Teddies, pour half of the ricotta mixture into the pan, smoothing the top. Lay even more chocolate wafers/Grahams over this mixture until it’s completely covered, then finish with the remaining chocolate-ricotta goodness. Smooth the top, and shove this into your freezer for at least 6 hours, and preferably overnight.

Before you serve it, remove the sides of the pan. Then, using a vegetable peeler or a grater, shave the remaining 2 ounces of chocolate that you kept and most certainly did not eat because you thought Shibow had messed up the measurements on this over the top of the cake. When slicing, try to keep a bowl of hot water nearby. Dip your knife into the water after each slice. I did not do this, and because I had also had a heaping glass of chocolate-infused wine, some of my cake ended up on the floor and on my sister’s foot. She said it “felt mighty nice” though. It tasted even better. Oh, also, I don’t have a picture of the finished cake because I was busy drinking wine and dropping pieces of it on the floor. Feel free to check out Martha’s obviously perfect picture though by clicking over to her site.

*I will never stop finding “Holy _____  Batman” phrases entertaining. Sorry, folks.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites

Discovering Myself…Just Kidding! It’s a Peanut Butter Fudge Post

Last year I decided I needed to find myself, so I took a little trip down to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina alone. Yes, alone. I know you’re jealous. One day, while I was sitting on a pier overlooking the gorgeous beach and reading a David Sedaris book, a man who was probably my dad’s age told me two jokes, recited one Bible verse (which I at first thought was a third joke), and then asked me how I felt about older men. I nervously giggled, mumbled the word “boyfriend” and ran to the nearest safe place: a gourmet chocolate shop.

View from the pier. Apparently quite the happenin' pick up spot for older gents.

Said chocolate shop contained an assortment of goodies. I probably bought half the store in my delirium. No, this is not true. Clive Owen could have asked me out and I would have bought out that shop…and served the goodies at my and Clive’s wedding reception.

The most memorable item I purchased was a half-pound of chocolate peanut butter swirl fudge that never quite made it onto the plane back to Killa Queens (Because I devoured it, not because airport security confiscated it. The Man can’t bring me down.) I’m sure I won’t be able to replicate it, but I’ve got a jar of vanilla-cranberry peanut butter that needs using. It’s a little too vanilla-y or berry-y or something-y for my taste, but I imagine the sweetness will work well in a fudge recipe, especially if I reduce the amount of added sugar. I also need to get rid of this jar of useless nothing because I really, really don’t like the taste and it’s taking up precious pantry real estate.

Anyway, I decided to try to find a recipe to guide me on my journey, but nothing really struck my fancy-pantsy. Corn syrup kinda bugs me and sweetened condensed milk would be too sweet for this jar of fragrant-candle-scented PB I’m using. (I know I am hating hard on this jar. But it’s not good. Please don’t try it. It will not enhance your peanut butter and jelly sammies. No matter what shapes you cut them into.) So, I decided to do things my own way. As you will see, this consisted of me shoving a bunch of ingredients into a heatproof bowl, licking a lot of wooden spoons, and crossing my fingers. I highly recommend this process. Let’s get cookin’!

Doesn't that jar of "PB" just look menacing and evil?

Chocolate Peanut Butter Fudge That Did Not Swirl Even Though I Wish It Had

1 tablespoon of butter

2/3 cup of evaporated milk

1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 1/2 tablespoons of cocoa powder

1 cup of brown sugar

1 1/4 cup of vanilla and cranberry all-natural peanut butter, made by Archer Farms for God only knows what reason

Yeah, that title has a story behind it, which you’ll read if you stick around long enough. Oh, also, this recipe would also work well if you subbed in any of that not all-natural peanut butter… the Jiff, Skippy, Reese’s, whatevs. Because there is a ton of added sugar in all of those jars, it’d be better to keep the rest of the sweetness to a minimum, or you will have chatty children or zombified adults on your hands for a good three hours. No one wants this.

On to to the fudge. Combine butter, milk, chocolate, cocoa and brown sugar in a saucepan over medium heat. For a few minutes, it will look like refried beans and you will crave tacos. Seriously. There’s no way this has only happened to me. Stir occasionally until the mixture comes to a boil.

Donde esta el arroz?

Remove from heat, then pour the mixture into an 8×8 inch square pan (You can line the pan in foil if you’d like, but no one’s going to kill you if you don’t. I mean, if someone does kill you, I’m really sorry. But you should find more even-tempered friends). Stir in the peanut butter, which, if you’ve got my luck, will suddenly be a pain to scoop out of the stupid jar. Luckily, once you’re able to get it all out, it should spread fairly easily, given the heat of the chocolate mixture. Try to use a spoon or knife to create a “swirl” effect. I tried and failed. Hence the recipe title. Great story, right?

Chill the fudge in the freezer for at least four hours. Truth be told, this didn’t completely set for me as a fudge. It would, and will, make a terrific ice cream topping, but it’s not super sturdy or anything. Surprisingly, it is delicious, and the peanut butter I was stuck with really shone. I’d still sooner take another solo trip to the dirty south than mess with it again, though.

Droopy, peanut-buttery goodness
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Chocolate Cheer Fancy Pantsy

Spring is in the Air. And I Don’t Care.

So, the sun is out, birds are chirping, my eyes, nose and lips are swollen (I look like Indian Shrek). All signs point to spring. Yay?

Nay. Nay? Yes, nay. I am sad. You know how you lose something really special to you, and then you get a chance to get it back, and all of the signals and people and stars and things are pointing directly at you getting this thing back, and you start to feel optimistic due to your new-found good fortune…and then it just disappears? That’s what’s just happened to me, so I am sad.  And maybe you think you know what I’m talking about. But I could be talking about a necklace. Or a sandwich. I get really attached to sandwiches sometimes.

I’ve been slowing down a bit on the blog, which is semi-intentional. I’ve been out and about quite a bit lately, trying to distract myself from…myself. In fact, just the other night I attended an exhibition at The Met called Guitar Heroes, about the history of the stringed instrument. Yes, that was me trying to prove I am fancy and cultured. Glen Hansard happened to be there as well, and he happened to be performing at the Temple of Dendur, and I happened to be directly in front of the stage and completely transfixed. There also happened to be free wine and beer at the reception. This was all coincidence. I am so fancy and cultured.

Fancy meeting you here, Glen.

To be honest, that show cheered me up enough to woman up and get writing again. It also helps that the following baked good was made with the assistance of my beautiful, wonderful, hilarious, awesome cousin Rhea (hi Rhea!). She is an incredibly accomplished baker, and would probably own me in a bake-off, which is why I have chosen to make her an ally instead of an opponent. She really is all of those very good things, though. Here’s proof:

Rhea and I. (We really love our chocolate)

See? She puts up with my silliness. Sometimes she even joins in! Since we both obviously love all things rich in chocolate, we settled on a flourless chocolate cake. I’d just like to mention that while she and I were slaving away on this, her brother and my sister were on their iPhones or iButts or whatever playing some Scrabble-like game. Anyway, this was super easy to make. Here’s what you’ll need, according to Martha Stewart, Sad Shibow and Rhea:

Flourless Chocolate Cake

6 tablespoons of butter, softened

8 ounces of semisweet chocolate, chopped, or 8 ounces of semisweet chocolate chips if you’re lazy (I kind of am)

6 large eggs, separated

1/2 cup of granulated white sugar

Confectioner’s sugar, for dusting, because we’re fancy

Grease a 9-inch springform pan and preheat your oven to 275°F. In a large bowl, combine the chocolate and butter, and microwave in 30-second increments, stirring after each nuke. When fully melted, whisk in yolks.

Looks appetizing, no?

In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks begin to form. Add in the sugar gradually until the whites look shiny and stiff. Add the whites a little at a time to the chocolate mixture, then stir it all together until fully combined. Be careful not to over-mix, as the cake won’t be as light and airy if you’ve beaten it down to nothing. That’s just cruel, dude.

Rhea felt like this post needed photographic proof of me smiling and having fun. That happens sometimes.

Pour the batter into your greased pan. Before you do that though, make sure the springform pan actually does come apart fairly easily when it’s unlocked. I’m just saying this almost became a cakeless flourless cake because of how irritated I was. Anyway, bake it for 45 to 50 minutes, until the cake starts to pull away from the sides of the pan and looks set in the middle. Cool the cake on a rack away from the oven, then once the pan is completely cooled, remove the sides of the pan. Sprinkle on some confectioner’s sugar, cut yourself a slice, and geez, just be happy.

Thanks for playing photographer, Rhea!