Category: Classic Favorites

Categories
Bars Cakes Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Cookies

Sad Shibow Turns One! Let’s Celebrate By Failing Spectacularly At Something, And Then Celebrate More By Gorging Ourselves On Cake

Baby Fat Shibow's First Birthday

This picture’s from my first birthday. I’d never seen it before last night, and after viewing it I promptly burst into tears. Don’t ask me why. It’s been a weird year so far.

Wow. Just…wow. We actually made it. Can I be honest with ya’ll? When I started this blog one year ago today, I was in a crummy (or crumby, get it? Get it? Nyuk nyuk, I’m clever) place. I was physically and emotionally injured man, and I mostly began writing this thing because it distracted me from the hurt back and the hurt heart. I never really imagined that people would actually keep up with this blog, much less enjoy and (sometimes) look forward to it. So if you’ve read this blog, if you’re reading it now, if you’ve ever said a kind word about it, baked something you saw here or simply clicked on something because you saw chocolate and like chocolate, THANK YOU. Thank you for encouraging me to stick with this tiny little blog, and thank you for putting up with me. I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel for all of the amazing people and experiences that have made their way into my life in the past 365 days. Some have been because of this blog, and some have not, but all have shown me how lucky I am to have you guys.

Now, I need to be honest with myself, and with all of you: I am not a good baker. Well, I’m ok. But I’m not a great baker. I know great bakers. They work at places like Butter Lane, or they’re college students named Rhea Mol (HI RHEA MOL!). I recently came to this realization after attempting to make Samoa bars. The Girl Scout treats are #2 on my list of “Cookies That I’ll Need When The World Goes Dark And Only Five People Are Left But The Other Four People Aren’t Into Cookies So My Cookie Stash Is Safe.” Rainbow cookies are #1. Mint chocolate chip cookies did not make the list, and never will, FYI.

Anyway, I think I screwed these bars up something fierce, but my boyfriend claims they are actually really good. That’s why he’s my boyfriend. Let me tell you what I did, and then let me tell you what you should not do.

Things That I Did That You Should Not Do (Unless You Want Sucky Bars)

1. I halved the recipe. You should not halve the recipe.

2. I used Werther’s Caramelts, which are not the same as regular caramels, and are actually not very good by themselves at all. You should not blahblahblah…

3. I did not melt enough caramels, but then again it’s not like I had the right caramels anyway so I was already screwed. So you know what you should not do, right?

Cool. Let’s get to the recipe.

Samoa Bars (makes 30 bars)

For the shortbread base:

1/2 cup of sugar

3/4 cup of softened butter

1 egg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/4 salt

For the coconut-caramel topping:

3 cups of shredded toasted coconut (toast in a 325º oven for 10 minutes until browned)

12 ounces of chewy caramels, but don’t get cute and try to get fancy ones that aren’t real caramels

1/4 teaspoon of salt

3 tablespoons of milk

10 ounces of semisweet chocolate (you can use chocolate chips)

Preheat your oven to 350°F.

Let’s start with the base. Grease a 9×13″ pan. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Add your egg and mix until fully combined (you may want a hand mixer for this), then stir in vanilla. Add flour and salt, a little at a time, until the mixture is crumbly and grainy. Pour into your pan and press evenly. Send into the oven for 20-25 minutes until the edges have been lightly browned. Let the base cool in the pan for ten minutes, then remove and let it cool completely on a wire rack.

To make the topping, place the UNWRAPPED caramels (I had to say it because you just never know) in a large saucepan over low heat. Add in your milk and salt, and stir until the mixture’s fully melted. Remove from heat and fold in toasted coconut. This will be a workout for your arms. I should know, as I am now ripped. Plunk large heaps of this caramel mixture onto your cookie base with a rubber spatula, then spread evenly until there’s a thick, gooey layer.

Grrr. No, this is NOT what melted caramel is supposed to look like.

Cut into 30 bars.

To melt your chocolate, place into a large bowl over another bowl of simmering water. Stir until completely melted. Dip the bottoms of your bars in the melted chocolate, then lay on parchment paper so the chocolate hardens. Then, using a spoon or a piping bag, drizzle more melted chocolate over the top.

Ok, honestly, these weren’t terrible. But they’re not Samoas, mostly because I’m the opposite of a genius and can’t understand what caramel is, apparently. They were good, but not good enough to keep me from beating myself up over the fact that THEY’RE NOT SAMOAS.

The night after I made these, I decided to make a chocolate cake, to prove to myself that I actually could bake. Let me be honest though, I did not want to make this cake. I was so tired, frustrated and depressed due to some seriously crappy weather that I basically needed to force myself to start this thing. I was going to include that recipe here as well, but I’m thinking it deserves its own post, because it’s probably the most amazing cake I’ve ever made. It’s also, visually, perhaps the ugliest. Stay tuned?

So friends, here’s to another year of screwing up recipes and eating the crazy, crumbly, messy pieces of sweetness anyway. Stay classy. ❤

Categories
Classic Favorites Cookies Holiday desserts

For Christmas This Year, I Got a Brand New Life. And You Got Some Gingerbread Men. Or Women. Or Amoebas.

*Note: This post was supposed to go up after Christmas and before New Year’s. Then, I found a new place, cancelled my internet at the old place, and escaped with my belongings “like a refugee,” as my boyfriend put it. Sorry for the lateness, even sorrier that it will be a while until I’m able to blog again. Lots of love and best wishes for the happiest year yet!

This just made me happy. That's the only reason it's here.

The new life thing’s sort of true. I did get a new apartment! It’s beautiful, it’s in a great neighborhood– so great that I have to call it a “neighborhood” and not just a “hood”– and it’s FOR REAL! Know what else is for real? Packing. Packing is real life, and real life is annoying right now. So, dear readers, it might be at least a couple of weeks before I’m able to bake and post again. I’ll be busy trying to wedge an enormous couch up the steepest, narrowest flight of stairs you’ve never seen (and never will, since you won’t have my new zip code suckas!). Oh, while I have you, if anyone’s willing to lend me any large, empty boxes and a large, empty van (shady!), I’ll happily bake you the treat of your choice.

Moving is very strange. It’s also a little scary. I’ve lived in the same apartment for three years now. I’ve lived in this same ‘hood for just about my entire life. Also, I’ve lived alone for a good chunk of that time, which will [happily] no longer be the case. Still, leaving this place has meant tears, drama, more tears, packing tape, Sharpie markers, and bawling. Tears. Everywhere.

It’s not that I’m all that sad to be leaving the ‘hood. But saying goodbye to something comfortable– even if it’s kind of smelly and comfortable– for something new, pretty and slightly more costly is incredibly trying. I think I’ve developed a Stockholm Syndrome-y relationship with my ugly rock-hard couches, because I’m going to miss them a tiny bit. I’m sort of worried I’ll just stress-eat everything in sight, which would eliminate any perishable goods before the big move. It may also eliminate the possibility of me making up that narrow stairway, though. Logic. I got it. In all honesty, I am very grateful to have so much newness at once in my life. It’s a lovely, surprising Christmas gift. (But I still hate Christmas.)

Anyway, before I take this little mini-hiatus, let me leave you with something classic: Gingerbread Folks!

Gingerbread Folks (makes 24 cookies)

1/2 cup of brown sugar

1/2 cup of molasses (light or dark, I used dark)

2 teaspoons of ground ginger

1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon of ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon of black pepper

2 teaspoons of baking soda

1/2 cup of butter, cut into chunks

1 large egg

3 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

Combine molasses, sugar and spices in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir just until the mixture begins to boil, then remove from heat. Stir in baking soda, and bring over the kiddies, because the mixture will start to balloon and do this:

Ginger Bread Stay Puft Man. I wish there were video.

It looks cooler in person, trust. Stir in butter, egg and flour until the mixture forms a dough. Divide in half, and wrap one section in plastic and set aside while you work with the other. With a floured rolling pin, flatten out the dough to about a 1/4 inch thickness, then start cutting out gingerbread dudes/ladies as you wish. Re-roll the excess and continue to make cutouts until all the dough runs out. Lay cookies flat about 1/2 inch apart on a cookie sheet.

Preheat the oven to 325°F. When fully heated, throw the cookies in the oven for about 12 minutes, until the edges are browned. Let cool completely before frosting…should you decide to frost. And if you should decide to frost, keep reading!

Royal Icing

4 egg whites

4 cups of confectioners’ sugar

Beat egg whites and sugar in a large bowl until fully combined and glossy. Dip one side of each cookie into the icing, then use a butter knife to spread evenly. Decorate as you wish (I used mini chocolate chips and M&Ms in case you decide to copy me because of how cool I obviously am), then leave to dry for 15-20 minutes.

Now, I’m not usually a fan of things that aren’t chocolate based, chocolate filled, and just plain chocolate. But man, gingerbread cookies are what’s UP this time of year! Classic sometimes just can’t be beat. So, while I take this mini-vacay to adjust to a new living situation, please enjoy this timeless sweet. See you next year, kids!

Categories
Classic Favorites Cupcakes

Sad Shibow Needs a Peanut Buttery Hug. Google Provides Said Hug. Kind Of.

I’ve had a rough few weeks. As I’d mentioned, the devil passed through me or something a little while back and left me bedridden for a solid couple of days. What I didn’t mention was that I had to say farewell to someone special to me around that time too. That might have been rougher than being laid up for 48 hours. Well, it was definitely rougher. It’s always pretty terrible to have to let go of a good friend, not knowing if it’ll be a forever thing or a temporary thing. Hopefully it’s a temporary thing. That’s all I’m going to say about that. Oh, I also messed up my back again shoveling a sludge-y mess of snow off of my front steps. I feel like I’m going to have to have some sort of epiphany wherein I conclude that in order to permanently cure me of my lower-back ailments, I’ll have to train to become a kickboxing champion, and finally face my fear of another total beat-down. There will be a movie montage. Mark Ruffalo will play my trainer because I love him. And I will win and I will be cured. The end. Cue random empowering Kanye track (yes, those do exist).

One of the things that’s helped me from turning into a total bawling mess of a baby (maybe not baby, because babies are cute and this hasn’t been cute) has been the pretty amazing search terms that have led unsuspecting individuals to this blog. A perk of running this blog is being able to see how people actually land here, and that is quite an entertaining perk when you’re feeling low.

Oh Google, you have provided me with endless opportunities to turn my brown frown upside brown down.


Now, I did not make any of the following up. I’m not that creative. Of note is the fact that very few of these terms actually have anything to do with baking:

“Classy wolf” This brings to mind the Coo–ooookie Crisp Wolf, which is awesome, because although I’ve never mentioned it, that has always been my favorite cereal. Does God read my blog?

“Sumo Cookies” Two cookies encased in a doughnut. First cookie to slip outside of the doughnut ring gets eaten. That was lame. I have no idea what sumo cookies are.

“How to get a girl to forgive you” There is no way there is anything on this site that will help you with that, dude. Well, until now.  You’re welcome.

“Johnny Walker cake” Not something I’ve made before, but certainly something I’ll keep in mind. Thanks, lushes.

“You’re welcome monster” It’s either a Google image search that led to a recent picture I posted, or a brand new nickname for me. Polite ogre? I guess I’ll take it.

“Shibow” Creepers

“Sybil Bakes” Creepers

“Shibow syndrome” Whatever it is, you know you want it.

“Twinkie Pants” Only in America do these probably really exist. I bet they never go bad, either.

“Hug forever” I would not advise doing this. You’ll need your arms free to fight off robbers and provide me with more hilarious search terms.

“Whave canned” What’s that? Did you mean canned whale? How did canned whale get you here? There’s such thing as canned whale? Wait…

As you can tell, I’ve been needing and trying to distract myself with silliness. I also figured that baking something that would involve a lot of time and effort would probably take my mind off the madness, too. It doesn’t hurt that this particular something includes a classic combination that I cannot live without: it’s peanut butter jelly time, people.

Two of my childhood BFFs.

Peanut Butter and Jelly Cupcakes. With Jelly IN the Cupcakes. This Excites Me To No End. (makes 12 cupcakes)

For the Cupcakes

1 1/2 cups of whole wheat or all-purpose flour (I prefer whole wheat, and so does the woman who invented this recipe, which makes us best friends)

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt (I would increase this to 1 teaspoon if the peanut butter you use contains any sweeteners)

3/4 cup of creamy peanut butter (Do not use all-natural PB. It pains me to say that, but that stuff does not bake well. As a compromise, you can use Skippy Natural No-Stir, which contains some sugar, but no hydrogenated oils)

4 tablespoons of unsalted butter, softened

1 cup of brown sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

3/4 cup of milk, room temperature

2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of grape jelly

For the Frosting

8 ounces of cream cheese or neufchatel

4 tablespoons of unsalted butter, softened

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of confectioners’ sugar

1 cup of creamy peanut butter (Same deal as above, fight the urge to go all-natural. I’m looking at you, hippies.)

Yes, that really is what I have decided to title this recipe. Don’t hate. Anyway, line a 12-cup muffin tin with liners and preheat your oven to 350°F. In a medium bowl, sift together flour, salt and baking powder. Meanwhile, in a larger bowl, use a hand mixer at medium speed to beat together peanut butter, butter, and brown sugar until creamy. Beat in eggs one at a time until fully incorporated, then stir in vanilla.

With mixer on low, alternate between pouring in the flour mixture and the milk, beginning and ending with the flour. Mix until just combined (Meaning don’t go nuts or fall asleep with the mixer going. That’s just dangerous anyway.), then distribute the batter evenly into cups of muffin tin. I’ve found that an ice cream scoop comes in really handy for this. It only took me, like, nine years to figure that one out.

Bake these for 20 to 25 minutes, rotating the pan halfway through to ensure even baking, and remove when a toothpick inserted into one comes out clean. Cool these in their tins for a good ten minutes, then take them out and let them cool completely either on a rack or in the refrigerator, which should take around an hour.

Use this time to make some frosting. In a small bowl, with mixer on medium speed whip together cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add in salt and vanilla and mix until combined. With the mixer on low, add in the confectioners’ sugar, a little at a time, scraping the sugary sides down every now and then to make sure everything’s incorporated. Finally, add in the peanut butter just until combined with cream cheese.

This looks the way a mouthful of peanut butter feels. Use a rubber spatula to separate frosting from beaters.

Before frosting, let’s fill these babies. Fill either an icing decorator or an empty squeeze bottle with your jelly or preserves. Gently push into each cupcake and move the squeezer (I really don’t know what other term to use. Kids, look away, I guess.) around a bit to make room for the jelly. Squeeze while slowly pulling the bottle out so that there’s a tiny bit of jelly popping out of the tops of each cupcake.

Do you think you're ready for this jelly?

Then frost using either a rubber spatula or your fancy icing decorator if you’ve got the patience to rinse the jelly out of it (I do not.) You can add a dollop of jelly on top like I did, if you’re into being super obvious, like I am.

You really can’t go wrong with such a classic combo. What I’m trying to say is that these were killer. I spent about half of a Saturday on them, so I think I succeeded in my mission of creating something time-consuming and distracting. In order to further busy myself, I’ll be packing for a midweek trip to San Diego, to visit/harass my best friend. I miss her like crazy and am really looking forward to kicking back in beautiful snow-free weather. So, basically, the plan is to bake, eat, hide and repeat. I’m nothing if not well-adjusted.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Cookies

Love That’s Stuffed With Friendship (Ok, My Bad…This One’s About Cookies)

Yes, I do have leftover Oreos from the last post. And yes, I know I can just eat them. But did you really just come here to watch me demo how to properly eat a sandwich cookie? (Twist off, bite into the cream, re-attach, dip into milk, devour, repeat)

I decided to put this under the “Classic Favorites” category because I do consider Oreo cookies and chocolate chip cookies to be both classic and favorites. If you disagree, you know how and where to find me. I’ll win, by the way. I ALWAYS WIN. But can you imagine these two together? Can you imagine them Sumo wrestling and then deciding they didn’t feel like fighting anymore and just wanted to hug forever? If you can, you should probably keep reading, because I like your style.

This is what happened when I Googled "sumo wrestling cookies." You're welcome, readers.

A few months before I started this blog, my friend Anthony posted a link on Facebook that caught my eye. It caught my eye because it was basically a link to a world of greatness, of wonder, of amazing ideas. About an hour after viewing the recipe for Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, I was whipping butter with sugar and laughing maniacally at what would become the treat that would cause my boss to proclaim, with a massive grin, “that thing was lethal. In a good way. But lethal.” Let’s do this thing.

Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I have my own chocolate chip cookie recipe that I’ve spent years developing, so I only really used the link above as a  go-ahead to do very bad things to Oreos. You’re free to use whichever recipe you please, and to be honest, the finished products in this link do look am-ahzing. Below is my personal recipe, which also kinda rules ;).

Chocolate Chip Cookies That Will Eventually Harbor Fugitive Oreos* (makes 9 cookies)

1 cup of all-purpose or whole-wheat flour (I usually use whole wheat)

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1 big pinch of salt

3/4 cup of butter, softened

1 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of dark or semisweet chocolate chips

9 Oreo cookies

*So the crime-scene title is inspired by some CBS procedural drama that decided to start filming on my block. This I find uncool, mostly because I assume they’re going to film the scene of the “incident” at the heart of the episode on my street, making it seem like I live in a sketch ‘hood. I mean, I kind of do, but why’s the rest of the world need to know that?

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate larger bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Beat in the egg, then the vanilla until smooth. Then stir in the flour mixture and combine until a batter is created. Fold in your chocolate chips and get ready to get hands-y with this.

Before we get to pictures, I should apologize, since this isn’t my best effort photography-wise. In all fairness, I had a guest over for dinner while I was making these, and didn’t want to be rude, hence the hasty snapshots. I’m also just kind of lame.

Let these blobs be a lesson to you: refrigerate your dough, folks.

So, if you’re not into getting at least a little bit messy, this isn’t the recipe for you. Then again, if you’re not into getting a little bit messy, you picked the wrong site to bum around on, because I am all about the hot mess cookie process. Ohhh…the hot mess cookie. Future post, perhaps? Anyway, with clean hands, grab a handful of cookie dough and start covering an Oreo with it. Try to get the entire Oreo hidden so that it appears you’ve got plain ol’ jumbo cookies on your baking sheet.

While working on these cookies this time around, I discovered something that might make the rest of you decide to rename me Captain Obvious: you should really refrigerate the cookie dough for about 20 minutes before working with it. Otherwise you’ll end up with about 40% of the dough stuck to your fingers, and your dinner companion will laugh at you, not be impressed by you. This absolutely did happen to me. When you’ve got yours covered, send them into the oven for 10-12 minutes, until the tops are golden-brown.

Cookie supercontinent

Right, so, as you can see, these cookies spread a little bit. More like a lot. Basically, don’t be like Shibow, sloppily plopping jumbo monster cookies haphazardly onto a baking sheet. Leave a bit of space so that you don’t end up needing to use your awesome skull spatula, given to you by a lovely and deeply-missed former coworker named Julie (thankyouthankyouthankyou!), to wedge these apart.

Cross section (plus rad spatula!). Apologies for blurriness.

Bottom line: these are just as crazy delicious as you think they are. They’re also as big as my head. Need I say more?

Oh, one last thing: with Halloween coming up and my patience waning, I thought I’d ask for suggestions on what to masquerade as. Last year, I was Emo Lady Waldo, which is basically just Lady Waldo with a name tag that reads “Maybe I just don’t want to be found. Ever think of that?” That costume set me back five bucks, which is exactly how much red duct tape costs. I am creative. This year, I was thinking of either being a flapper, something random that I find at Target, or Waldo again. For the flapper outfit, I have a suitable dress, I just need a cheap boa or something, in keeping with my new tradition of using items I already own as costumes. By the way, should I be worried that I’m able to use so many of my everyday clothes as Halloween attire? And is there an awesome costume I’m not considering but should be?

Categories
Bars Classic Favorites Easy Baking

When Life Gives You Hurricanes, Make Lemon Bars

My life has not been simple lately. My dessert needs to be.

Ok so that was hella dramatic, I know. But, homeslices, let me tell you a story. Last week I was in the Bahamas, where a devil-woman-witchface hurricane named Irene decided to piss all over my vacation. Then, she chased me back to my hood and pissed all over my weekend. She might as well have been called Hurricane Stamos. My weekend was supposed to be awesome. Instead, it was spent trying to block out the scent of too-vanilla-scented vanilla-scented candles because I was the last loser to get to Target to purchase a “hurricane stash” and landed all the gross stuff. I ended up with a bad case of cabin fever and a temporary fascination with the movie National Treasure. Have you seen that thing? It’s really bad. I’m very fortunate to have a working phone and computer, which afforded me contact with the outside world, because I’m pretty sure I would have done something stupid like give myself a haircut if I had no one to keep me talking.

Super Sad Shibow

Luckily, everyone I know is safe and sound and pretty much just as delirious as I am. As soon as I was able to, I ran to the grocery store to buy more essentials that had been depleted during Hurricane Nothing (I’d gone into a cabin fever cookie-making frenzy so I needed to re-stock important items like butter, sugar, eggs, chocolate chips, more butter and more chocolate…you know).

Since I was in a sour mood, I thought I’d make something lemon-y. Ha ha, I’m hilario. Lemon bars are also easy and full of butter and sugar, which I obviously needed after an ALL-INCLUSIVE TRIP where I was pretty much forced to eat and drink as much as humanely possible in order to pass the time. See? My life’s difficult.

Lemon Bars

Crust

1/2 cup of butter, softened

1 1/3 cups of all-purpose flour

1/4 cup of granulated sugar

Lemon Filling

2 eggs

3/4 cup of granulated sugar

2 tablespoons of all-purpose flour

1/4 teaspoon of baking powder

3 1/2 tablespoons of lemon juice

2 teaspoons of lemon zest (optional)

Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a large bowl, combine the butter, flour and sugar for the crust. You can use a fork or your hands if you’re into feeling things, man. Work into a crumbly mixture, then press this evenly into an 8×8 square pan. Toss into the oven for 20 minutes. You’ll probably be annoyed at this point because when you take it out the crust will [should] still be white and look totally underbaked. You’ll think Irene took your oven when she took your pride and sanity from you. But fear not, it’s supposed to look like that.

Crust, complete with dozens of my frustrated thumbprints

While the crust bakes, prep the filling. Toss your two eggs, sugar, flour, baking powder and lemon juice into a blender and puree until smooth. Super easy, right? When the crust comes out, pour this over it, maybe give the pan a gentle shake to evenly distribute, and send back into the oven for another 20 minutes. When they’re done, you can sprinkle a little powdered sugar over the top if you’re feeling fancy. Let them cool, then cut into squares (I came out with 16).

These hit the spot for me. The crust-to-filling ratio might not please everyone, since there’s only slightly more filling, but I think ya’ll need to calm down and trust the crust. That was pretty terrible. Anyway, they’re good. Kid sister agrees.

On her 4th or 5th bar.

By the way, the next time there’s a massive and apocalyptic hurricane, I am having a party. All are welcome. Admission fee is a cookie.