Categories
Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Jams and Jellies No-Bake Recipes Sort of Healthy Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Champagne Problems On A Jello Shots Budget

I’m sitting at home along writing this post on a Monday evening, eating Cookie Butter out of a jar, reminiscing about the days when I was single, living alone, and eating various combinations of bad-for-me-and-definitely-not-meal-worthy “snacks” for dinner. As soon as I walked into my apartment from work, I’d wash my hands furiously (this is the one part of my night that has not changed and will not change as long as New York City remains the glorious petri dish of filth that it is), turn on the television, and start dinner– usually a bowl of cereal or something else equally pitiful. I’d zone out in front of a cooking show or a crappy procedural drama, barely paying attention, and then I’d go to sleep at a pathetically decent hour. My life was not that bad, but it was also not that great.
Those are the lame ol’ days that I try to remember when I go through rough periods now. As much as I sometimes miss living alone, I would never trade that for the guy and the life that I very fortunately have now. I’ve got a best buddy who has turned so many of my horrible days around with tiny surprises and giant hugs. I know how sappy I sound, believe me, and I hate me too for it, and believe me when I say that I do realize it could all go away tomorrow. But since my last post, I have had the blues in the absolute worst way for more reasons than I can count– I’ve had a nasty cough for what has felt like forever, I’ve had a million mini-crises related to my professional life, I’ve seen people I love get very hurt, and I’ve had people I love suddenly just sort of disappear from my life without explanation. Writing out what the past was like compared to the present helps sort it all out in my mind. A lot has changed, but things aren’t worse, they’re just different. In some ways (Hi Jimmy!), they’re better.

One of the many tiny surprises.
One of the many tiny surprises.

So, with that in mind, I’m going to hearken back to an earlier post and once again talk about celebration. As rough as life’s been, I’ve been fortunate to still have some things to celebrate, be grateful for, be happy about as of late (see: above Troll, which I will treasure forever, and no, you may not make fun of me for being so dorky about this. Ok, yes, yes you can). For this reason, I believe it is time to pop the bubbly.

Around Christmas, my parents came over to our apartment and very kindly gave my boyfriend and me a bottle of champagne (I guess the correct term would be “sparkling wine” because geography and whatnot, but I’m just going to be comfortable being wrong for the rest of this post, so purists, deal, please). My mom emphasized that we should always remember to celebrate, which was really touching, given that my parents have come to support and champion us even when we haven’t felt the same love elsewhere. I always kept those words in the back of my mind, and we mutually decided to save the bottle for a special occasion.

Then, after realizing that there was no way we’d be able to kill a bottle of Brut in a night, and that neither of us really drinks champagne all that much, and that there are only so many sort-of-mimosas one could make and imbibe, I decided to get creative. CHAMPAGNE. JELLIES.

Champagne Jelly Shots (makes about 18 1-ounce shots) 

2 envelopes of unflavored gelatin

1 cup of boiling water + 2 tablespoons of sugar, more if you’d like this sweeter

1  1/2 cups of champagne/sparkling wine/you know what I mean (Note: if you’d like to keep this booze-free, substitute some sparkling cider)

Raspberries or berries of your choice, if you please

Pour boiling water into a large, heatproof bowl. Sprinkle gelatin over water, and let cool slightly. Pour champagne or whatever bubbly drink you choose over the mixture, then stir gently to incorporate any clumps of gelatin that may have formed. Pour into mold of choice (I used a mini-muffin pan), and place a raspberry or berry of your choosing in the middle of each mixture. Refrigerate for at least an hour, until the jellies have set.

The following is a series of “artistic” photos that we took of these shots, because they’re friggin’ gorgeous looking.

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I feel like the photos don’t even do these justice, but let me tell you, these came out looking magical. The bubbles stayed put, giving these shots a sparkly, glowing look. Oh, so how’d they taste?

Um, AMAZING. The shots were bubbly, only very slightly sweet, and way more fun than just a regular ol’ glass of bubbly. But, uh, just slow your roll a bit with these, or you’ll end up downing five in the span of a minute and then waking up in the middle of the night with a faint recollection of drunk-dialing your parents. Not that that happened. Just saying it could.

Categories
Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Jams and Jellies No-Bake Recipes Sort of Healthy Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Champagne Problems On A Jello Shots Budget

I’m sitting at home along writing this post on a Monday evening, eating Cookie Butter out of a jar, reminiscing about the days when I was single, living alone, and eating various combinations of bad-for-me-and-definitely-not-meal-worthy “snacks” for dinner. As soon as I walked into my apartment from work, I’d wash my hands furiously (this is the one part of my night that has not changed and will not change as long as New York City remains the glorious petri dish of filth that it is), turn on the television, and start dinner– usually a bowl of cereal or something else equally pitiful. I’d zone out in front of a cooking show or a crappy procedural drama, barely paying attention, and then I’d go to sleep at a pathetically decent hour. My life was not that bad, but it was also not that great.

Those are the lame ol’ days that I try to remember when I go through rough periods now. As much as I sometimes miss living alone, I would never trade that for the guy and the life that I very fortunately have now. I’ve got a best buddy who has turned so many of my horrible days around with tiny surprises and giant hugs. I know how sappy I sound, believe me, and I hate me too for it, and believe me when I say that I do realize it could all go away tomorrow. But since my last post, I have had the blues in the absolute worst way for more reasons than I can count– I’ve had a nasty cough for what has felt like forever, I’ve had a million mini-crises related to my professional life, I’ve seen people I love get very hurt, and I’ve had people I love suddenly just sort of disappear from my life without explanation. Writing out what the past was like compared to the present helps sort it all out in my mind. A lot has changed, but things aren’t worse, they’re just different. In some ways (Hi Jimmy!), they’re better.

 

One of the many tiny surprises.
One of the many tiny surprises.

 

So, with that in mind, I’m going to hearken back to an earlier post and once again talk about celebration. As rough as life’s been, I’ve been fortunate to still have some things to celebrate, be grateful for, be happy about as of late (see: above Troll, which I will treasure forever, and no, you may not make fun of me for being so dorky about this. Ok, yes, yes you can). For this reason, I believe it is time to pop the bubbly.

Around Christmas, my parents came over to our apartment and very kindly gave my boyfriend and me a bottle of champagne (I guess the correct term would be “sparkling wine” because geography and whatnot, but I’m just going to be comfortable being wrong for the rest of this post, so purists, deal, please). My mom emphasized that we should always remember to celebrate, which was really touching, given that my parents have come to support and champion us even when we haven’t felt the same love elsewhere. I always kept those words in the back of my mind, and we mutually decided to save the bottle for a special occasion.

Then, after realizing that there was no way we’d be able to kill a bottle of Brut in a night, and that neither of us really drinks champagne all that much, and that there are only so many sort-of-mimosas one could make and imbibe, I decided to get creative. CHAMPAGNE. JELLIES.

Champagne Jelly Shots (makes about 18 1-ounce shots) 

2 envelopes of unflavored gelatin

1 cup of boiling water + 2 tablespoons of sugar, more if you’d like this sweeter

1  1/2 cups of champagne/sparkling wine/you know what I mean (Note: if you’d like to keep this booze-free, substitute some sparkling cider)

Raspberries or berries of your choice, if you please

Pour boiling water into a large, heatproof bowl. Sprinkle gelatin over water, and let cool slightly. Pour champagne or whatever bubbly drink you choose over the mixture, then stir gently to incorporate any clumps of gelatin that may have formed. Pour into mold of choice (I used a mini-muffin pan), and place a raspberry or berry of your choosing in the middle of each mixture. Refrigerate for at least an hour, until the jellies have set.

The following is a series of “artistic” photos that we took of these shots, because they’re friggin’ gorgeous looking.

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(We kinda ran out of raspberries.)

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I feel like the photos don’t even do these justice, but let me tell you, these came out looking magical. The bubbles stayed put, giving these shots a sparkly, glowing look. Oh, so how’d they taste?

Um, AMAZING. The shots were bubbly, only very slightly sweet, and way more fun than just a regular ol’ glass of bubbly. But, uh, just slow your roll a bit with these, or you’ll end up downing five in the span of a minute and then waking up in the middle of the night with a faint recollection of drunk-dialing your parents. Not that that happened. Just saying it could.

Categories
Cookies Fancy Pantsy

Cookie Cups. For When You Don’t Just Want to Lick The Bowl, But Also Don’t Want To Eat Glass

QUIZ TIME! Why does this week feel so blah?

a. You start questioning your taste in fashion when your boyfriend calls the fuchsia number you wear to work your “Insane Clown Posse” dress, and spends the rest of the day referring to you as “Juggalo”

b. A man whom you do not know, who is three feet taller than you (or so) decides to attempt to chest-bump you on a busy platform, and all you can do is pretend you’re in a wack Bourne Identity knock-off and jump onto a random train that is taking you AWAY from your destination

c. Daylight Savings Time springs you forward and just. doesn’t. stop.

d. You met Ad Rock over the weekend and now everything that has happened since just can’t compare

e. All of the above

I’ll just give you the answer now because I’m feeling a little lazy and I know you’re dying of suspense. The answer is sort of e., but mostly d.

From left to right: Hip Hop Royalty, Crazy Eyes, Boyfriend Who Looks Totally Chill Despite This Being One of Greatest Moments In Life
From left to right: Hip Hop Royalty, Crazy Eyes, Boyfriend Who Looks Totally Chill Despite This Being One of Greatest Moments In Life

YOU GUYS WE MET A BEASTIE BOY. We…met one. After my run-in with Glen Hansard, I basically swore off ever approaching another famous person that I was a huge fan of, for fear of mortifying myself. Fortunately, I was with my brave, socially suave boyfriend who is not in possession of the same shame/awkwardness I am. 

I want to tell you all about it, but I have no idea what to even say because I am still in shock. He was the sweetest guy ever, and I’ll always be grateful that I had the opportunity to meet a living legend– and one that I am a MASSIVE fan of, at that. What’s funny is, right before I bought the tickets to the show he was in, I was IM-ing with a friend and whining about how much I’d love to just run far, far away from New York City. Now, I take it all back, swears it (for now).

So yeah, I think maybe I’m dealing with a bit of post-Ad Rock depression, feel me? Like… I want everything to be that great. But instead of actually getting up off of my booty and turning my whole life around, I think I’d rather feel sorry for myself with a giant cookie bowl of peanut butter fudge ice cream. A giant *what* bowl, Sad Shibow?!

COOKIE. BOWLS. Let’s do this.

To start, we’ll use regular ol’ chocolate chip cookie dough. Here is mine.

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (makes enough for 12 bowls)

1/2 cup of whole wheat flour

1 1/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1/2 cup of browned butter (melt butter in a saucepan until brown specks appear and butter takes on nutty aroma; let cool)

1 egg, beaten

1/2 cup of white sugar

3/4 cup of brown sugar

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

3/4 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips or chunks

Preheat oven to 375ºF and turn a muffin tin upside down. Oh you heard correctly– turn that thang the other way, and cover each muffin cup bottom with a square of foil.

In a medium-sized bowl, whisk together flours, salt and baking soda, and set aside. In a large bowl, beat together butter, egg and sugar until creamy. Stir in flour mixture until batter is formed. Fold in chocolate chips.

Take a tennis ball-sized chunk of cookie dough and mold it around the bottom of your muffin tin, like so:

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You may find that you need less batter than this; use your judgment (unless your judgment is telling you to not make these, then just listen completely to me). Repeat until all of your batter has been used. You should come out with about 12 bowls.

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Send into the oven and bake for 9 to 11 minutes, until the cookies looked baked but not to a crisp. Mine were done at 9 minutes. Definitely keep a good eye on these, and all cookies, as they tend to bake rather quickly.

Let cool for ten minutes, or however long it takes for these to cool enough for you to handle them. Peel foil from bowls, and then fill to your heart’s desire.

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Fill with what, you ask. Fill with EVERYTHING. I filled these with M&Ms, with ice cream, with peanut butter cream cheese, and with straight up milk. Yes, milk. It’s a bowl. Just be glad I didn’t fill it with potpourri and place it in a tasteful spot on the bathroom sink. I was thisclose. If you try to knock me you’ll get mocked. I’ll stir fry you in my wok .

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So, how were they? I mean, they’re cookie bowls! How could they be bad? And they were  anything but bad. They’re basically a chocolate chip cookie that has been shaped to allow for maximum sugar-related bad behavior. There is nothing wrong, and absolutely everything right, about these bowls.

Categories
Cakes Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy No-Bake Recipes

Double The Desserts. Double The Apologies. Double The Pain! Wait…No

I totally woke up yesterday feeling all sorts of blog-related guilt. Guys… what’s my dealio? I abandon this thing that I love, that I’ve come to enjoy doing because… because I’ve been lazy? What gives? Well,  I supposed I’ve been writing-lazy and life-preoccupied. Does that make sense? I hope it does.

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry I’ve let this blog lay dormant for so long.  I feel like I’m making it sound as if I’m apologizing to myself in a public forum, which seems like a twisted, self-serving public flogging. Aren’t you glad you’re joining me for this?

Props to my boyfriend for this.
Props to my boyfriend for this.

Anyway, I am mad at myself for not writing nearly as much as I have in the past, which is why I’ve decided to throw myself a mini-challenge: For the next two months, I’m going to publish a new post every week, by, at the very latest, that Wednesday. I hope you’ll all either a. keep me accountable by scolding me heavily if I fail to make good on this promise or b. at least not, like, tell me I suck and should never write anything again if I do come through (oh and I do plan to come through, good sirs and madams).

Hell, this might even be the time to have all of you hear my to-do list for the first half of this year. Maybe ya’ll can keep me from lazing out on those too:

1. Go to at least one Prince concert in my life, and preferably in my life this summer

2. Go to Montreal at least once in my life, and preferably in my life this summer

3. OMG OMG OMG you guys Prince is playing a jazz festival. In Montreal. This summer. This maybe shouldn’t be numbered, but is, because…

4. Take more risks in my writing (e.g., numbering things that shouldn’t necessarily be numbered. SCANDALOUS!)

5. Spend less time around bright, flashy screens and more time with other things that haven’t almost completely ruined my eyes, like books and chocolate

6. Cut out sugar

7. Check to see if anyone was paying attention to #6 and hope you are all laughing with me over how ludicrous a resolution that is

8. RETIRE MY SNOW BOOTS FOR A LONG, LONG TIME

Yeah. That last one has hit me, and a lot of us I imagine, pretty hard. I’ve finally accepted that I have a mean case of seasonal affective disorder that nothing short of sunshine, 80-degree weather and giant bowls of ice cream (shut it, that one’s totally necessary) can cure. I think maybe that’s part of what’s been keeping me from updating this blog, or doing anything productive, really. I…hate things right now. Yup, that sounds articulate and sensible. Let’s move on to our DOUBLE DOSE OF DESSERT, shall we?

Indeed I did decide to share two sweet treats in one post, mostly because of the aforementioned guilt over my lack of posting. Let’s get to it, friends!

So dessert #1 was supposed to be one of those ooh-la-la Valentine’s day desserts that would accompany a fancy-schmancy homemade dinner, but V-day’s kinda dumb and also was on a Friday night after a long, lame week, and both of us were dead tired. So instead of presenting it as a romantic dessert, I’m presenting it as portion-controlled chocolate cakes (that you can have two of if you aren’t down with sharing).

Chocolate Lava Cake For Two (makes…uh, two)

adapted from Eva Bakes

1/4 cup of semi-sweet dark chocolate chips

2 tablespoons of softened butter

1/2 cup of confectioner’s sugar

1 egg plus 1 egg yolk, beaten

3 tablespoons of all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon of vanilla

Strawberry ice cream, or NOTHING (or another flavor of ice cream, or berries, or whipped cream. But probably strawberry ice cream)

Preheat your oven to 400ºF and butter two 6-ounce ramekins. In a medium heat-safe bowl over a pot of simmering water, melt chocolate with butter, stirring until chocolate is completely melted (you can also do this in a microwave in 30-second increments, stirring after each session).

Stir in confectioner’s sugar, then beat in eggs and flour, whisking until the batter is smooth.

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Stir in vanilla, then divide batter between your ramekins. Place ramekins on a baking sheet, and send into the oven for 9 to 11 minutes. Make sure to watch these, as they’re done before you think they’re done– the center will still look gooey and jiggly, two very important, official baking terms. Let cool in ramekins for five minutes, then invert onto plates for serving.

Top with strawberry ice cream. I make room for no other option because there should be no other option. Strawberry. Ice. Cream.

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So, if I’m being honest, I didn’t love the way these cakes looked, which is completely on me, for using ramekins that were way too wide, making these look like overdone veggie burgers. However, once we cut into these and liquid chocolate came oozing out, I was SOLD. I didn’t even have time to get a picture of the inside because of how completely freaking sold I was.

Now, for our second dessert of the post (how lucky are YOU), we’re working on something easy, fun and oven-free. Hooray!

So, apparently for people who are not Indian people, popcorn balls are a classic sweet treat. This is what my boyfriend, who is not Indian people, tells me, at least. Can anyone chime in on this? Is it like me saying that halwah and papadam should be staples in every American household?

Anyway, I decided to surprise him by trying my hand at this “classic treat” because I am generous and also can never turn down the opportunity to combine three most excellent ingredients: butter, sugar, and popcorn. Let’s get “classic!”

Popcorn Balls (makes 6 baseball-sized balls)

adapted from CHOW

9 cups of plain popped popcorn, seeds removed, unless you hate having teeth

1 cup of turbinado sugar (you can use regular white sugar, but I love the deep flavor this imparts)

1/3 cup of light corn syrup

1/3 cup of water

1 teaspoon of white vinegar

1/2 stick (4 tablespoons) of salted butter, cut into pieces

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Grease a large glass bowl, and place popcorn in it. Set aside.

Large glass bowl. Popcorn. Creative captioning.
Large glass bowl. Popcorn. Creative captioning. World’s Finest Chocolate wrapper because I am nostalgic. Jar of peanut butter for me to snack on whilst “working.”

In a medium-sized saucepan, combine sugar, corn syrup, water and vinegar; stir to combine. Place pan over high heat, and cook– stirring constantly– until sugar is dissolved. Bring mixture to a boil and cook until it registers at 260ºF on a candy thermometer (if you don’t have one, don’t fret, just cook the mixture for 5 to 7 minutes). Remove from heat, then stir in butter and vanilla. 

Quickly pour hot sugar mixture over popcorn, using a rubber spatula to spread the mixture evenly over the popcorn. Stir until the mixture is just cool enough to handle with bare hands, about three minutes. Seriously, these are good, but not burn-your-palms good. I don’t know what would be burn-your-palms good. I have some ideas, though. None are suitable for this blog.

With oiled hands, grab a chunk of popcorn and mash together, compressing popcorn into a ball. Let balls cool completely on parchment paper. *Giggle*

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Ok…these were good. If they really are a classic treat, I can totally understand why. They’re buttery, salty/sweet, and somehow miraculously melt almost as soon as a bite hits your tongue. This dessert’s been a repeat offender in our home, half because my boyfriend is sentimental and half because we’re sugar fiends. I actually think it’s probably 78% because we’re sugar fiends, but it’s six popcorn balls in one hand and a half-dozen in the other. Or something. See you next week!

Categories
Classic Favorites Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts

Things That Make You Go Mmmmm, What?! and %*^(!#

I know I said I’d be going dark for a spell, but OMG IT FINALLY SNOWED A BAJILLION TIMES and so I have cabin fever and cabin fever makes me eat like I have seven stomachs and also I missed you guys. So hey there, friends!

I don’t think I need to elaborate on how deeply I hate this weather, since I imagine a lot of you feel the same way. I suppose it’s enough to say that peeling a frozen teardrop from your face whilst attempting to trudge a third of a mile to the subway station is not an ideal way to spend a Monday morning. Or any morning. I do hope you’ll agree.

The first three seconds of this commercial pretty much sum up my feelings on this year’s Super Bowl. BO-RIIIIIIIING! And don’t get me started on that filthy Stamos yogurt commercial. I personally was thisclose to calling the FCC just because I was offended by his face on my screen. The only saving grace of that whole night– besides the above Muppet extravaganza– was PRINCE on New Girl’s post-game episode. I’ll say it again. Prince. Prince. Prince. Loves him.

Oh, actually, there was one other extremely wonderful treat that night– the cream puffs! I’ve always wanted to try my hand at these but have been feeling lazy and untalented and generally bad about myself (maybe I’ll get into that on a different post when I’m thawed out and in better spirits. Whenever that is *chuckle*) and basically thought these were super difficult to make. Then, I happened to see an article on pâte à choux in a recent magazine–whose name I will not mention because the company has personally offended me– that went on and on about how easy the “puff” part of cream puffs are to make. And, given my combative nature (LOL!) and need for easy-but-fancy-thangs in my life, I thought these would make for an appropriate game-night dessert.

Note: I made the easiest filling possible, whipped cream, mostly because we’ve been eating like wild animals for the past few weeks and I needed to cool it on the heavy sweet treats. Seriously, it’s been bad. If you’re looking for a pastry cream filling instead, Joy of Baking will hook.you.up.

Cream Puffs (makes 2 to 4 dozen, depending on how ya pipe ’em)

For the pâte à choux 

8 tablespoons of unsalted butter

Pinch of salt

1 cup of all-purpose flour

4 eggs

For whipped cream 

1 cup of heavy cream

2 tablespoons of granulated sugar

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla

Preheat your oven to 400ºF and grease a baking sheet with butter; set aside. Melt butter in a large saucepan over medium heat, add salt, and stir in all of your flour. Stir vigorously until the mixture starts to come away from the sides of the pan and forms a ball of dough. Remove mixture from heat and stir in your eggs one at a time. You can use a hand mixer at this point if you’re not sure you can handle taking a wooden spoon to this. There’s no shame in it– I totally thought I could just stir the whole batter together like a badass and ended up having to take several hydrate-and-stretch breaks. 😦

Only slightly annoying.
Only slightly annoying.

Now, you can either fill a pasty bag with this batter or simply use two spoons to plop tablespoon-sized mounds onto your baking sheet. If you see the mixture getting a little bit lumpy, and lumpy bothers you, you can wet your finger and smooth out the imperfections. Lumpy does not bother me/I’m lazy.

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Bake puffs for about 30 minutes, until golden brown. Lightly prick each puff to release steam, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

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When cooled, you can either poke holes in the tops of your puffs or cut them in half and fill, then sandwich halves back together.

To fill: Beat heavy cream and sugar on high until peaks begin to form. Stir in vanilla and beat again, just until combined. Spoon as much of whipped cream as you desire into puffs.

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As you can see, I also added chocolate sprinkles to my puffs, because I am four and LOVE SPRINKLES AHHHHHH! Also I thought they looked prettier this way.

You also probably noticed that the actual puff dough contains no sugar, which I personally like. You can basically fill these babies with anything you like, or use them as a base for sweet or savory snacks, like eclairs or cheese puffs. Or cheeseclairs. What’s a cheeseclair, you ask? I don’t know, but I kind of want to use my next post to find out. Stay tuned.

So, how were they, you inevitably ask. Oh they were just terrible. So terrible that my boyfriend and I ate almost every single puff before the second quarter even started. So terrible that I am making these again tonight because they’re easy and I feel compelled to now attempt these cheeseclairs I heard about somewhere five seconds ago. Yum.