Category: No-Bake Recipes

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Carrying On A Most Hated Tradition With A Slice Of Fancy Cake And…Uh…A Dream?

So I’m writing this in kind of a grumpy mood. Selfishly, I’m hoping that writing (which I love) about baking (which I also love) will cure my blues. Sorry, world. Please accept my apologies for the emotion that is about to follow. Also, if any of you deem this to be “too real,” I invite you to please scroll down to the pictures and recipe. Those will kind of rock your world.

Now, as for the rest of you, boy are you brave.

Okay, yes, I have been feeling quite down lately. That most hated tradition I mentioned? That would be my now-apparently-annual trip to the emergency room. I obviously haven’t croaked or anything, so I’m fine in that respect. But, this year’s trip meant crying alone in an unfamiliar place while hooked up to an IV, flying high on morphine and asking everyone around me who this Dr. Unna-sing whose name was emblazoned across my ID bracelet was (I later came to find out it said “Dr. Unassigned” which should give you some indication of how rough an experience that really was for me). Fortunately, a follow-up appointment and minor procedure revealed all to be well. If anything, I think the “minor procedure” may have made my boyfriend’s week, as it produced a few mortifying pictures and videos of me lying on an examination table and muttering like a blithering fool due to the amount of anesthesia I’d been given. Life. Life is…life.

All of this is addition to the incredibly long, tortuously drawn-out existential crisis I’ve been having. Perhaps you can help me with the following:

Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my hospital bills? Can you pay my Con Edison bills? (I did decide to customize the lyrics, yes)

When did my life become Mean Girls? Am I the Tina Fey character or the Lindsay Lohan one? Please say I’m the Tina Fey one? 😦

Stamos, dare I bow down to you now? Will that simple act end all of this tragedy?

This is here to reward you for reading all of that. Thank you. Bless you.
This is here to reward you for reading all of that. Thank you. Bless you.

Well, I truly do hope someone swings by to answer at least one of the above questions, because I have a case of the sads, and the only cure is answers. Oh…wait…answers…and cake. Chocolate Mousse Crepe Cake, to be very specific. Set aside a few hours and wear the ugliest smock you own for this thing. It will all be worth the mess (Note: this is the same thing I tell my soul).

Oh, I played around with this recipe a lot, and adapted from here, here and here. Mostly. Kind of. You want to just do this thing?

(Also, a slight warning: the mousse in this cake contains raw egg. The yolk, as you’ll see, does become heated during the cooking process, but the whites do not, which means there is a very slight salmonella risk. Since I am apparently attracted to hospitals these days, I was willing to take the risk.)

Chocolate Mousse Crepe Cake (makes one crazy-looking, 10-layer monstrosity)

For the crepes (makes 10)

1 1/2 cups of milk (I used skim)

3 large eggs

3 tablespoons of water, room temperature

2 tablespoons of canola oil

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups of flour

1/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup of cocoa powder

1/8 teaspoon of salt

For the chocolate mousse (makes 4 heaping servings or more than enough to fill this monstrosity)

6 ounces of semisweet chocolate, chopped (I used chocolate chips)

3 tablespoons of butter

3 eggs, separated

1/4 cup plus two tablespoons of granulated sugar

1/2 cup of cold heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Let’s roll, friends.

To begin, place all of the ingredients for your crepe batter into a blender and process until completely smooth. Refrigerate batter for at least an hour, and no more than three hours.

While the batter cools and firms up, we can work on our chocolate mousse. For the mousse, place the chopped chocolate and butter in a glass bowl and set it over a pot of simmering water. Stir with a wooden spoon until melted and smooth. Remove the mixture from heat and allow to cool slightly, then stir in egg yolks, one at a time, until fully incorporated, and set aside.

In a separate bowl, beat egg whites using a hand or stand mixer until foamy. Gradually add in 1/4 cup of the sugar and keep beating until stiff peaks form. The peaks should basically be so stiff that you can turn the bowl upside down without worrying about any of the whites spilling out. This takes time. Please don’t do what did and try to show off  by flipping the bowl over too soon. Confidence is always key, over-confidence is foolish and humiliating.

SONY DSC

And now (yep, lotsa bowls, hope you have a dishwasher or love the smell of Dawn dish soap on your dainty hands) in a chilled bowl, whip the heavy cream until it begins to thicken. Add in the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and vanilla, and beat until the cream forms soft  peaks.

Gently fold the egg white mixture into the chocolate mixture, then carefully fold this into the whipped cream. Don’t overwork the mixture, as it will start to become heavy and soupy.

SONY DSC

Cover your perfect, light mousse and refrigerate until ready to use.

Let’s now move back to the crepes. I should tell you all that I’ve made regular crepes for breakfast on several Saturday mornings, and have, without fail, screwed up at least the very first couple of crepes. I believe my issue is extreme impatience. I never wait for the pan to get hot enough before pouring the batter in. So, you know, not being me is key.

Now, heat a lightly-greased 8-inch crepe skillet/regular skillet. Then pour two tablespoons of crepe batter into the pan and swirl around until the batter looks paper-thin. When the top looks dry, flip and cook for another 20-30 seconds. Repeat these steps with the remaining batter (greasing the pan again if necessary). Allow to cool completely.

YUM.
YUM.

We’re pretty much almost done here, I swear. Once your crepes have cooled, it’s time to assemble this cake. Lay a crepe down on a cake plate, then spread a healthy amount of mousse over it. Top with another crepe, then top this crepe with more mousse, etc., until you reach the top of the holy mountain of good-God-nessness. You can top this with homemade whipped cream (which I highly recommend) if desired.

SONY DSC

Refrigerate until completely cooled, at least four hours, and preferably overnight.

I know, I know, it’s kind of really ugly-looking right? Well, as you all hopefully know by now, I’m no artist. But let’s talk about what really matters here…how’d it taste.

Sweet mother. It was a day in heaven with a clean bill of health, a thousand happy elephants prancing around on a sandy beach and everything else that you could ever imagine as being part of your best day ever. This thing was worth every minute of every hour I spent working on it.

SONY DSCBelieve me, if you are looking to impress, look no further than this cake.

Categories
Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I’m Brown. You Down? If Not, I Frown. (Basically, I’m Saying There’s Curry In This)

God, I’m such a poet. Right?

No?

Yeah…no. Anyway. I thought I’d try to lighten it up a little here since my last few posts caused some really strange and pitying looks/texts/Facebook messages/group interventions (kidding about that last one, don’t come near me, I’ll bite you).

Now listen here, you sweet, loving, concerned group of people: I am Sad Shibow. I cry a lot. Last Friday, I bawled over the last episode of Fringe. Then I re-watched the scene that initially had me in tears, and I lost it all over again.  I cried the other day because I can’t eat spicy food, and I really miss it. I’m a baby. But, you know, I’m fine. Ulcers suck, colds suck, the ongoing seemingly everlasting quarter-life crisis sucks. But life, overall, does not.

Methinks my change of ‘tude for this post may have something to do with this article, which I read this morning and can’t seem to stop thinking about. We can’t always be happy, but we can always try to find meaning in moments, however awful, or mundane, or wonderful or scary. So that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to remember that all of these things, these ulcers and conflicts and series finales and successfully baked goods, all of them mean something.

Is this getting weird? It is, isn’t it? No? I hope not. I swear, there’s a recipe in here too.  I just thought I’d get a little deep with you guys first, share some of my feelings, and also thank those of you who checked up on me after the last few posts.

Okay, so on to the real reason for that crazypants title: curry! Yes, there be curry in this sweet treat! And it is FANCY!And yes, I realize I am not supposed to be eating anything really spice-related. But ulcer be damned! This treat deserves my and your attention! Let’s get it, kids!

Your major players for today's game.
Your major players for today’s game. (Big up to Patel Brothers!)

Vanilla Curry Caramel Popcorn (I told you! Fancy!)

1 stick of butter

1 1/4 cup of brown sugar

2 teaspoons of curry powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon of baking soda

10 cups of plain popped popcorn ( made from 1/2 cup of unpopped kernels, if you’re making your own, which I really recommend)

SONY DSC

Line two baking sheets with wax paper and set aside. In a medium-sized pot, melt your butter over medium heat, then stir in your brown sugar, curry powder and salt. Bring the mixture to a rolling boil, stirring constantly, then step away and let this thing boil on it own for about five minutes.

Hi. Gosh you're pretty.
Hi. Gosh you’re pretty.

Remove from heat, and stir in vanilla and baking soda until combined.

Now, working pretty quickly, place popcorn in a large bowl. Pour your curry mixture evenly over the popcorn, then use a spoon to try to mix and coat the popcorn evenly. Ridiculous, I know. It is almost impossible to get this coated evenly, but, you know, try your hardest. You’ve all already aced the School of Sad Shibow simply by reading, so don’t go feeling all crazy if this part makes you want to eat your own hair (just me?).

Transfer popcorn to your baking sheets, spread evenly, and let cool completely. Then serve. And, well, be amazed.

SONY DSC

So, this is more of a group snack. I’d just like to say this because, um, I made this for me and my boyfriend, and after about six handfuls each, we both looked at each other and then at the bowl. It didn’t even look like we had made a dent. I mean, I made this about a month ago and still have some. So I guess it’s kind of like the Costco of desserts.

Oh, but that’s not a complaint. You have no idea how satisfying this stuff is. It’s spicy and sweet, reminiscent of caramel corn with a twist. A BIG twist. A very, very welcome twist. Just make sure that you’re either making this for a crowd or you have room in your pantry for enough leftovers to feed yourself until spring.

SONY DSC

Categories
Classic Favorites Easy Baking No-Bake Recipes Puddings

I Have A Medical Problem And The Only Cure Is More Pudding. I’m Not Kidding. I’m Kind Of Not.

So….how was your holiday season?

Okay, so, a couple of weeks ago, right around Christmas, I started to notice a sharp pain in my belly. It was this weird ache that would come and go as it pleased. Actually, it usually enjoyed paying a visit right after I had a few sips of scotch or ate a samosa. And then it would overstay its welcome. And then I would cry and wake up in the middle of the night and whine to my boyfriend who probably wanted to impale me for also waking him up in the middle of the night (just kidding about him impaling me, for I am awesome and feed him desserts and these desserts would die with me, and anyway I already felt like I was being impaled).

Eventually, I found out that I had an ulcer. A motherflipping ulcer. Me. I have a hole in my stomach lining. How in the hell…

Yes, I’ve been stressed and sad and depressed and whiny. But an ULCER?! Geez. So, now, this is what the rest of my month will look like:

1. No bubbles (So basically I had a really lame New Year’s Eve)

2. No booze (See #1)

3. No spicy food (BUT I’M BROWN!)

4. No citrus and nothing even remotely acidic

5. Pretty much all sweets (as long as they don’t involve citrus) are permitted. Some are encouraged.

6. I would like to direct you to #5. Please re-read.

7. No fried foods. I can’t have any fun, can I? Oh wait…

8. Oh yeah. Medicine. Right. Whatever. Did you re-read #5 yet?

Alright, so, when I first found out about this thing, I called my mom, who advised me on my diet. She basically told me that things like ice cream, pudding and potatoes would be helpful during this difficult time. I kind of tuned out when she said potatoes, because if I can’t have french fries, I can’t have potatoes. I mean, I like all kinds of potatoes, I just don’t like the idea of not being able to do whatever I want to them. Maybe that was an unnecessary sentence. Well.

So anyway, back to puddings. I don’t do well with the powdered “just add milk stuff” because, well, would you expect me to be? And anyway, since I’m no longer busy eating cayenne pepper by the truckload and drinking gallons of lemonade, I’ve got a lot of time on my hands. Enough time, in fact, to make butterscotch pudding.

Confession: I did add a little of this to the first batch. Damn it was good. And damn did I pay for it later.
Confession: I did add a little of this to the first batch. Damn it was good. And damn did I pay for it later.

Butterscotch Pudding (Makes 4 servings, unless you live with me, because then it makes 2 if you are really lucky and really full from dinner)

4 tablespoons of butter

1 cup of dark brown sugar

3/4 teaspoon of coarse sea salt

3 tablespoons of cornstarch

2 1/2 cups of milk (I used 1% milk)

2 large eggs or 1 jumbo egg

2 teaspoons of scotch or whiskey (use another teaspoon if you like your pudding boozy, use none if you have an ulcer that sucks at life)

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Melt your butter in a medium-sized saucepan. When melted, add in sugar and salt and stir until moistened. Remove pan from heat. In a small bowl, whisk together 1/4 cup of your milk with your cornstarch, and mix until no clumps of cornstarch remain. Mix in egg(s) and set aside.

Add the rest of your milk to the butter/sugar/salt mixture, and stir until combined. Stir in your cornstarch mixture, and place the pan over medium heat.

SONY DSC

Whisk until the mixture comes to a rolling boil (careful, as some may splatter), then reduce the heat to a simmer.

SONY DSC

Continue to whisk constantly, until the mixture thickens to a smooth, pudding-like texture. Remove from heat, then pour into a large bowl or individual serving bowls, and refrigerate until chilled, 1 to 4 hours.

If you’d like, you could add some chocolate curls for fancy-pants-ness, using a vegetable peeler and a chocolate bar, like I did:

SONY DSC

To be honest, the chocolate didn’t really add any flavor, and actually masked the pudding’s flavor, so unless you’re a chocoholic, keep it simple.

And what happens when you keep it simple? You basically forget about all of your problems and disappear into what you hope is a gigantic vat of homemade butterscotch pudding. This was amazing. It was, well, buttery of course, but also smooth, fragrant and very, very soothing. My tummy was extremely happy. My boyfriend’s tummy was apparently even happier, since it devoured so much that I had to make another bowl of the stuff almost immediately. Aaaand I’ll be making more tonight. In the interest of my health, of course. 😉

Oh, so I’d like to end with a little story that I hope will make you smile and give you faith in humanity. As many of you know, I am normally a grump and a cynic. As those of you who read my previous post know, I’ve been participating in the “26 acts of kindness” movement initiated by the lovely and amazing Ann Curry. It’s been enlightening, it’s been challenging, and it’s been difficult, to be completely honest. But, I’m getting there, and I’d encourage you all to please try and get in on it. So anyway, about a week ago, my boyfriend and I drove up to the Ridge Hill Mall in Westchester, NY. It was snowy and windy and I was kind of miserable because of the weather and my ailment. I’d been looking for a warm pair of gloves, since my mittens suck and always have, and before I could protest boyfriend purchased a beautiful, snuggly, perfect woolen pair for me from Orvis. We exited the store…and I promptly lost the gloves. As in, immediately. I traced and re-traced my steps to no avail. I felt awful. Boyfriend was somehow incredibly understanding, and even took me back to Orvis to ask if they’d turned up (of course they hadn’t) and then purchase another pair for me (obviously I refused to accept them because I was both stubborn and very, very angry at myself). He’s a keeper, right? So, as he makes his way over to the pair he’d like to re-purchase, the store manager walks over and GIVES THEM TO US FOR FREE. My jaw dropped. I seriously could have cried. I actually might have cried, but it was so cold that I couldn’t really feel my face, so who knows. Anyway, I know a free pair of gloves that I received might not mean a lot to anyone else, but knowing there are still honest, kind, understanding people in the world warmed my heart, and made me want to pay the kindness forward even more. I hope it does the same for you. Either way…if you’re in Ridge Hill any time soon, please give that guy my regards.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Easy Baking No-Bake Recipes Vegan Desserts

I Created A Monster. I Tried To Stay Away From The Monster. The Monster Was Too Delicious, So It Won. And Then I Won.

YOU GUYS.

I’m going to keep you in suspense when it comes to what I made for this post for just a little longer…

…But only so I can show you the AWESOME spot I helped put together!

I can’t tell you how proud I am of this thing. Really, I am so, SO happy that I was even able to be a part of it. It was so much fun, and I personally think it’s a pretty brilliant little piece, thanks to an amazing cast and crew (the writer/director knocked my socks off with this one, and no that’s not because I’m a little biased toward him ;)).

So, yes, being able to finally debut this was exhilarating. My mood has certainly improved thanks to all of the kind words attached to this video, even though most of the credit isn’t mine. Still, I’m super happy.

Weird, right? Weird to see “super happy” on this blog. Ah well. Let’s all just try to deal with it as best we can, shall we?

Ok, on to the actual dessert portion of today’s meal. Aren’t you just dying to know what I made? Ok…deep breaths everyone…I made…

Peanut butter cups!

Wait! Hear me out! I know there have been many stranger, more complex, more interesting baked goods on this site. I know. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, works for me quite the way the magical combination of chocolate and peanut butter does. I’m not even exaggerating. That these were incredibly easy to make only rocked my already-rocking world until up was down and happy was Sad Shibow. Let’s get it, kids.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (makes 24 mini cups)

3 cups of semisweet chocolate chips (I used Trader Joe’s brand, of course)

1 cup of all-natural peanut butter

1 cup of confectioner’s sugar

A handful of Peanut Butter Puffins (Sorry again for the product placement, but these things rule my universe. If they somehow do not rule yours, use a handful of graham cracker crumbs)

Big pinch of salt

Line a 24-cup mini muffin tin with cupcake liners.

So, some of you will be pleased to know that these particular cups are vegan as well. Hoorah to you, and me, and everybody!

Set chocolate chips in a large bowl over a pot of simmering water. Stir constantly until completely melted. Now, drop about half a teaspoon’s worth of the melted chocolate into each cupcake liner, and use the back of the spoon to coat the bottom and sides completely. You will have leftover melted chocolate, which we’ll be using in a bit, so please don’t get crazy with what you’ve got left.  Once you’ve coated every liner, send the tin into the refrigerator for about 15 minutes, or until the chocolate hardens up.

While you wait, start in on the peanut butter mixture. In a medium-sized bowl, stir together peanut butter, sugar, Puffins and salt. You should be able to hand-stir this thing. You should also probably taste test, to mentally prepare yourself for the awesomeness you will be dealt once this whole thing comes together.

Once your chocolate’s hardened, remove the tin from the fridge and evenly distribute your peanut butter filling among the cups.

Then, drop more of your melted chocolate (you may need to re-melt at this point) on top to completely cover the peanut butter, and flatten the tops with the back of a spoon as best you can. Send back into the fridge for about half an hour or until the chocolate has hardened completely.

So…how were they? Well, fortunately I was not alone in making and trying these, as the lovely Sylvapotamus was available and generous enough to assist. I cannot tell you how lucky I was that someone else was present to devour these with me, because I’m pretty sure eating 24 of these things would be deemed unacceptable in most circles…

…not in mine though. 😉

Categories
Desserts with Fruit Easy Baking Frozen Desserts Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Frozen Boozy Fruit Pops. Or Sangria Poptails, If You’re Feeling Fancy.

And we’re always feeling fancy here, aren’t we? Oh, you’re not? Well, this is uncomfortable.

Anyway, let’s just fake it ’til we make it, shall we? Oh, you can’t? Why are you being so difficult today? You know what you sound like? You sound like a person in need of sangria. Frozen sangria. It’s on a stick. Just trust me.

Yes, this is another entry from The Party That Ruled The Roof (Bacon Sundae Party? Ringin’ a bell? Yay!), and it is so. worth. making. Basically, I wanted something cool (literally and figuratively, because I am soulful and deep in that way) and sophisticated (to make up for the fact that I am not) that our guests would enjoy and not spill on themselves and on my white tank top. Enter the sangria pop! It’s fruity, it’s light, and it’s BOOOOOOZY! Let’s roll, adults!

White Sangria Poptails (makes 12 Dixie cup pops)

1 1/2 cups of pinot grigio, divided

1 1/2 cups of Orange Peach Mango juice (Sorry for the product placement, but this is, like, the perfect juice for this. You can also use a combination of peach juice and orange juice if you want)

1 1/2 cups of mixed chopped fruit (I used mangoes, pineapples, grapes and raspberries. I highly recommend this most excellent combo)

2 tablespoons of lime or lemon juice (I used lime)

In a medium-sized bowl, combine 1 cup of your pinot grigio with all of your chopped fruit and set aside for about 20 minutes.

Pretty, no?

Once the 20 minutes is up, strain the fruit out, making sure to save the now-infused wine. Evenly distribute the chopped fruit amongst your popsicle molds/Dixie cups.

Then, take your fruit-infused cup of wine and mix with 1 cup of your Orange Mango Peach Juice and lime/lemon juice. Pour into molds, evenly distributing among them. Top each mold off with the remaining 1/2 cup of pinot and remaining 1/2 cup of juice. Lightly stir, then send into the freezer for about an hour. When the pops begin to freeze, insert a popsicle stick into each, and allow to freeze completely, at least three hours.

So, what was the consensus? First, it was… wtf?! Then it was…oh…oh, yes, new friend, hello. Then it was…hazy. These are pretty strong, so make sure you’re not downing one before operating a tractor or anything. For reals.

Honestly, these were YUMMY. I “accidentally” made too many and now have a freezer full of these, which, you know, makes life super difficult/delicious. HIGHLY recommended.