Category: Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Categories
Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I’m Brown. You Down? If Not, I Frown. (Basically, I’m Saying There’s Curry In This)

God, I’m such a poet. Right?

No?

Yeah…no. Anyway. I thought I’d try to lighten it up a little here since my last few posts caused some really strange and pitying looks/texts/Facebook messages/group interventions (kidding about that last one, don’t come near me, I’ll bite you).

Now listen here, you sweet, loving, concerned group of people: I am Sad Shibow. I cry a lot. Last Friday, I bawled over the last episode of Fringe. Then I re-watched the scene that initially had me in tears, and I lost it all over again.  I cried the other day because I can’t eat spicy food, and I really miss it. I’m a baby. But, you know, I’m fine. Ulcers suck, colds suck, the ongoing seemingly everlasting quarter-life crisis sucks. But life, overall, does not.

Methinks my change of ‘tude for this post may have something to do with this article, which I read this morning and can’t seem to stop thinking about. We can’t always be happy, but we can always try to find meaning in moments, however awful, or mundane, or wonderful or scary. So that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to remember that all of these things, these ulcers and conflicts and series finales and successfully baked goods, all of them mean something.

Is this getting weird? It is, isn’t it? No? I hope not. I swear, there’s a recipe in here too.  I just thought I’d get a little deep with you guys first, share some of my feelings, and also thank those of you who checked up on me after the last few posts.

Okay, so on to the real reason for that crazypants title: curry! Yes, there be curry in this sweet treat! And it is FANCY!And yes, I realize I am not supposed to be eating anything really spice-related. But ulcer be damned! This treat deserves my and your attention! Let’s get it, kids!

Your major players for today's game.
Your major players for today’s game. (Big up to Patel Brothers!)

Vanilla Curry Caramel Popcorn (I told you! Fancy!)

1 stick of butter

1 1/4 cup of brown sugar

2 teaspoons of curry powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon of baking soda

10 cups of plain popped popcorn ( made from 1/2 cup of unpopped kernels, if you’re making your own, which I really recommend)

SONY DSC

Line two baking sheets with wax paper and set aside. In a medium-sized pot, melt your butter over medium heat, then stir in your brown sugar, curry powder and salt. Bring the mixture to a rolling boil, stirring constantly, then step away and let this thing boil on it own for about five minutes.

Hi. Gosh you're pretty.
Hi. Gosh you’re pretty.

Remove from heat, and stir in vanilla and baking soda until combined.

Now, working pretty quickly, place popcorn in a large bowl. Pour your curry mixture evenly over the popcorn, then use a spoon to try to mix and coat the popcorn evenly. Ridiculous, I know. It is almost impossible to get this coated evenly, but, you know, try your hardest. You’ve all already aced the School of Sad Shibow simply by reading, so don’t go feeling all crazy if this part makes you want to eat your own hair (just me?).

Transfer popcorn to your baking sheets, spread evenly, and let cool completely. Then serve. And, well, be amazed.

SONY DSC

So, this is more of a group snack. I’d just like to say this because, um, I made this for me and my boyfriend, and after about six handfuls each, we both looked at each other and then at the bowl. It didn’t even look like we had made a dent. I mean, I made this about a month ago and still have some. So I guess it’s kind of like the Costco of desserts.

Oh, but that’s not a complaint. You have no idea how satisfying this stuff is. It’s spicy and sweet, reminiscent of caramel corn with a twist. A BIG twist. A very, very welcome twist. Just make sure that you’re either making this for a crowd or you have room in your pantry for enough leftovers to feed yourself until spring.

SONY DSC

Categories
Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Hi, I’m Sad Shibow, And I’m Kind Of A Mess. Let’s Have A Good Cry About It Over Some Cake.

BECAUSE I HAVE AN ULCER AND A COLD AND STRESS AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES AND…

How about you?

Yeah, so my feeling is the ulcer realized I was enjoying my pudding and ice cream far too much and decided to royally screw me by throwing a cold my way. Do you know what I like to have when I’m sick? Orange juice. Do you know what I can’t have due to my ulcer? Orange juice. Do you know what’s been calming my aching belly through this ulcer? Dairy products. Guess what I can’t have too much of when I’m sick? Well pudding and ice cream, of course! Do you know what really helps the constant headache that lovingly accompanies the common cold? Aspirin. And I think I can stop there.

Now, I know that FAR worse could have happened. I could have the awful flu strain that has plagued much of the country (Btw, any of you who do have it, I send you so many hugs. The flu is pure hell, and if there is anything I can do to help any of you through it, I will. Seriously, let me know.), and I am very grateful that I do not. I hope to continue to not have it. Please, powers that be, please. I already miss being pain-free. Please do not make me miss being mobile, too.

So, before all of this nonsense occurred, there was cake. Specifically, Christmas cake. Well, actually, there was nothing really Christmas-y about the actual cake, I just felt like waking up to it on Christmas morning, so..you know…Christmas cake!

By the way, three weeks too late, how was everyone’s Christmas? Mine ruled. I got a ukulele! It’s so perfect. I can’t stop talking about it/playing it (Sorry neighbors. But not really sorry, because I’m kind of terrible.) Also, I made the most amazing fritatta. I am so proud of this thing. Want to see?

SONY DSC

Ok, maybe I’m the only one who thinks this is amazing. Honestly I’m not feeling too wonderfully about myself these days, so hell, I’ll take what I can get. And if what I can get is a pretty-damn-delicious fritatta and a lemon olive oil cake, I’ll take both. And I’ll have seconds. And thirds. Don’t judge me.

Lemon Olive Oil Cake (makes one 9″ round cake)

4 large eggs

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

Zest of 1 lemon

Juice of 2 lemons

Powdered sugar for serving, optional

Preheat your oven to 350ºF, and butter and flour a 9″ cake pan.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or using a hand mixer, beat together eggs and sugar on high speed, until pale and fluffy. With the mixer still on, pour olive oil and lemon juice into mixture, then turn off mixture and gently fold ingredients together using a rubber spatula.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking powder, salt and zest, then gently fold into batter until all ingredients are fully incorporated. Pour into pan and bake for 45 minutes.

Let the cake cool in the pan for about 10 minutes, then invert onto a serving platter and dust with powdered sugar if you please.

I’m going to be honest with you: when this cake first came out of the oven, I “hmphed” at it and gave it the evil side-eye. It looked a little, well, drab. However, if you let it breathe for a bit (about an hour), you’ll get this:

SONY DSC

Need another look? Okay. You’ll also get this:

SONY DSC

Want to see again? How’s this:

SONY DSC

Um… gorgeous, right? I was pleasantly surprised. Boyfriend was in love with this thing. It really made an already lovely morning even lovelier. And honestly, as SOON as I’m all healed up, I am making this again. It was the perfect morning treat. It’s not terribly sweet or heavy, so you won’t feel disgusting first thing in the morning (at least not because of the cake. Sometimes I wake up a little gross, and eventually get down to acceptable by the end of day). Yum.

Oh, and by the way, I’m at sadshibow.com now! No more having to type in those pesky extra nine letters, fellow lazies! Woo-hoo for being mistress of my own domain!

Categories
Blondies Classic Favorites Sort of Healthy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Blondies Do Not Have More Fun, At Least When They’re With Me. I Know That’s An Awful Title, Please Hear Me Out Anyway.

I posted this on Facebook a while ago to express how I’ve been recently. There really aren’t any words that could do my feelings justice in quite the same way as the following clip.

 

Nothing else to say, really, because that about says it all. Friends, it’s a stressful time.

I know I’m usually kind of shady about what’s going on, but that’s usually because I’m not totally sure. This time around is not much different. We’re packing up our abode and will be out by the end of the month. Where to, you ask? That hasn’t really been all ironed out yet. And therein lies the problem.

Ok, don’t fret lovely people: I’m not going to be Homeless Sad Shibow. It doesn’t have the same flow that “Sad Shibow” does, and anyway I’m a delicate flower and would be eaten alive by the outdoors faster than you could say “Hey loser, could I have that rad icing decorator of yours since you sure as hell won’t be using it anytime soon.” So, no, I won’t be homeless, simply because this body ain’t built for it.

Anyway, shelter’s only one major problemo I’m dealing with. I still don’t really have much in the way of a “five year plan,” like most fancy folks do, or at least a plan that would seem practical. Oh, you’d like to hear this plan? So would I! Here goes:

1. Lots of monies. They can be in American dollars or Canadian dollars. Probably Canadian dollars because they’re made of maple syrup.

2. My own bakery. Maybe not. Probably not. Maybe a cafe? But one that’s not that busy. But it still has to generate lots of maple syrup.

3. Babies. Fat ones.

4. Houses. Yes, houses.

So as you can probably tell, that was more of a stream-of-consciousness exercise than it was a plan. In truth, I’m not sure how much I believe in plans, since things never work out quite the way I expected them to anyway. Alls I’m saying is…oh hell, I don’t know. Want to hear about the blondies I made? Yeah you do.

Blondies (makes 16)

1 cup of packed brown sugar

1/4 cup of butter

1 egg

2 tablespoons of skim milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 cup of whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon of baking powder

Pinch of salt

3/4 cup of chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350°F and grease an 8×8″ square cake pan.

In a medium-sized saucepan, heat butter over low heat until fully melted. Stir in milk, sugar, beaten egg and vanilla.

What happens when to try to mix the ingredients directly in your pan. It was a bad day…and a bad idea (but pretty!).

When completely mixed, pour into a large bowl and add in the flours, baking powder, and salt. When you have your batter, fold in your chocolate chips and spread evenly in pan. Send into the oven for 20 to 25 minutes, until the top is golden brown. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then invert and leave on a separate surface until completely cooled. Then, cut into 16 square bars, get a glass o’ milk ready, and go to town.

Ok, so…I have a confession. I didn’t have any all-purpose flour in my apartment. I’m also lazy and tired and annoyed and didn’t want to go out and get a 5 pound bag of it when I knew I had whole wheat flour, and lots of it, at home. So I used a cup of whole wheat flour. And boy did my sly fox of a man notice. He allegedly “didn’t mind them,” but, well, I kind of did. That’s why mine are under the category of “Stuff Your Parents Would Like.”

For what they are, they’re good. I’ve never been crazy about blondies (I’ll let YOU make the jokes there), but I was pretty happy with them. But I’m not the only judge, so why don’t we check the math for some answers: I’m writing this four days after making these, there are zero blondies left and there is only one other person in my apartment. So I’d say they were kind of a hit with a certain someone else. 😉

Categories
Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Fancy. Weird. Delicious. Well I’m Flattered, But No, We’re Not Talking About Me Silly!

Nyuk nyuk.

And here we conclude the BARBEQUE FEAST/DESSERT EXTRAVAGANZAAAA trilogy that began many moons ago…or like one moon ago. How does that phrase work exactly? Anyone?

Ok, while we all figure that out, let’s chat about shaky ground. I’m feeling like I’m on some. Maybe that’s too strong, but I’m still feeling pretty down. There was one day this week where I’m fairly sure all I ate were chocolate chip banana pancakes, peanut butter, vanilla ice cream and more peanut butter. Life has not been filled with rainbows, friends. It’s been filled with peanut butter and tears. And that is not a blogworthy combination.

So, what the problem is? Well, what the problem is…is lots of things. Future, past, present, atmosphere, apartment, landlord, oven, mean folks, STAMOS (thought I forgot about that monster, huh?), Mercury in retrograde. It just…is. 😦

So…yeah, stressed. I’d elaborate, but I’m pretty sure we’d all really rather hear about something called a Honey, Fig and Rosemary Cake, right? Thought so.

Before I start in on this, does anyone else have trouble finding figs? It should not be as hard as it is. After all, as my mother will tell you, Jesus ate figs. And hey, if they’re good enough for the big J…

Anyway, it sh0uld just be easier.  Ok, let’s get weird.

Honey, Fig and Rosemary Cake (makes one 9-in round cake)

For the cake

2 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1 teaspoon of salt

3/4 cup of granulated sugar

2 tablespoons of fresh rosemary, chopped as coarsely as possible

1 tablespoon of freshly and finely-grated lemon zest

6 tablespoons of softened butter

1/4 cup of Rosemary-infused extra virgin olive oil (you can just use regular, but the boyfriend made it and I HIGHLY recommend it)

2 large eggs

1/4 cup of honey

1 cup of milk, room temperature (I used skim)

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

For the Fig Topping

2 tablespoons of butter

12 figs, stemmed and cut in half lengthwise

Salt and pepper

1/2 cup of honey

Preheat your oven to 350°F (yes, you’re using your oven, yes it’s worth it like crazy).

Grease a 9-ince springform or regular cake pan. If you’re using a springform pan, make sure you really grease it, or else it will be a pain in the backside to remove the actual baked cake, and you’ll let loose a string of incredibly creative and incredibly bad, bad words. This is a classy cake, so you don’t really want to be throwing around non-classy language.

You may have noticed that I’ve tweaked some parts of the recipe a bit, which I often do because it’s fun and because I sometimes forget to buy one–ONE– ingredient called for in the original. In this case, I’ve opted for lemon zest. With this, we’re going to make a rosemary-lemon sugar, and because of this, you’re going to love me. Now, you can either pulse together your lemon zest, sugar and rosemary until completely blended or toss in a small bowl and set aside. I opted for the latter, because tossing stuff is easy and I do not own fancy contraptions.

In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt, and set aside.

In a large bowl, beat together butter, oil and rosemary-lemon sugar with a hand mixer on medium speed until fully incorporated and light. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then add your honey and mix just until combined. Now, with the mixer on low, alternate between adding in the flour mixture and adding in the milk. Make sure everything’s mixed together fully. Add in vanilla and then beat for another 10 seconds or so.

Oh, if you’re not crying out “MOTHER OF PEARL, THIS SMELLS AMAZING!” by now, you either hate rosemary or forgot something. Re-check, then proclaim your joy.

Using a rubber spatula, scrape all of the batter into your greased pan, then send into the oven for 40 to 45 minutes, rotating the cake about halfway through the process, and bake until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then remove cake from pan and let it cool on a rack for about an hour.

Now, to make the figs. Melt your butter in a large skillet over medium heat until it begins to brown and smell a little nutty (YOU SMELL A LITTLE NUTTY!). Add in your figs and season with a bit of salt and pepper, to taste. Cook for about 3 minutes, until the figs start to soften. Stir in your honey and remove the figs from heat.

Level the top of the cake a bit (this is optional, to be honest), then pour your fig-honey mixture over the top, making sure the round is as evenly covered as possible. Serve immediately.

So, on to the verdict. I elected to level the cake top a bit, mostly so that I could have an excuse to try the actual cake. I am a person with little self control when it comes to sweets. This is my curse. This is my blessing. Anyway, OMG. The cake was moist, sweet, fragrant and had the perfect, perfect hint of rosemary. I kind of need it in my life again, right now.

I mean…you’re seeing this right? Imagine tasting it. Oh, you can’t imagine it? Then MAKE THIS. Make it, now. Please make it now. Invite me over, and we’ll make it together. Even Almond Joycha liked it! God, I miss this cake.

Categories
Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I Made A Lemon Layer Cake…There. Can I Hide Now?

A very happy happy much-needed Happy Sunday. Yes. We colored Easter eggs. Jealous?

Methinks it might be time to take another hiatus from the blog. I’m in serious need of a break from, well, everything. If I had it my way that break from everything would entail me burrowing into a hole made of downy blankets (a blanket fort, perhaps?) and only emerging upon hearing the words “you’re rich, you’re awesome, it’s a sunny 75 degrees outside and we’re going to a Glen Hansard show…with Glen Hansard.” I’m not even just saying any of this for dramatic effect. I’d very much like to go into hibernation mode for, oh, a couple of seasons or so. In fact, when my best friend asked me what I wanted to do after I told her about my dilemma, my answer was “hide.” When she asked me what else I wanted to do, I responded with “um…hide for a long time?” I believe that was the incorrect answer.

I’ve been under some serious stress lately. As I described to my best friend (poor girl basically got slammed with Shibow drama), I feel like I’m both totally stuck and going a mile a minute and the same exact time. Quarter life crisis returns! It must be an April thing.

Maybe you, dear readers, can help me. Allow me to post a series of questions that I hope at least one of you will be able to assist me in answering:

1. What am I meant to do with my life?

2. Where should I hide in case I no one comes up with the answer to #1?

3. Who the hell is Gotye?

4. Does anyone know anyone who’s really good at cutting curly hair? And I don’t mean kind of good or “here’s what Google says.” I mean, do you have curly hair and did you go to an awesome hairdresser and do you now look like a ringlet-covered goddess?

5. Seriously, can someone help me figure out what to DO with my life?

As I’ve said before, it’s not as if something big and bad has happened recently. I’m just Sad Shibow, and I’m not having fun. Oh, one more question:

6. WHAT IS FUN????

Yeah, so, I just need to snap out of it, I guess. And anyway, just because I’m sad doesn’t mean Easter doesn’t exist and doesn’t require some baked goods. For an Easter Sunday party at my cousin’s new [beautiful!] digs, I decided to whip up a lemon layer cake with lemon curd and blueberries. Now, as you can probably see if you’ve clicked on the link, this is a Martha Stewart recipe. I need to be honest: I’m not a huge fan of this lady. It’s not a Stamos-level hatred or anything. It’s more of a fear. A suspicion. And to be honest, after you see how this cake turned out, I think you’ll agree that my feelings toward her are justified.

Lemon Layer Cake That Does Not Have As Many Layers As You’d Expect It To

For the cake

1 1/4 cups of all purpose flour

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1/2 cup plus two tablespoons of granulated sugar

1/2 cup of skim milk

1/3 cup of canola oil

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Zest of one lemon, plus one tablespoon of fresh lemon juice

4 egg whites

1 tablespoon of confectioner’s sugar, optional

For the lemon curd

4 egg yolks, lightly beaten

Zest of half a lemon, plus half a cup of fresh lemon juice (the juice of about two and a half lemons…boy do I hope you have a juicer. I do not.)

1 1/3 cups of granulated sugar

1/3 cup of cornstarch

Pinch of salt

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups of fresh blueberries

Preheat your oven to 350ºF, and grease two 8″ round cake pans. In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt and set aside. In a larger bowl, whisk together 1/4 cup of your sugar, milk, oil, vanilla, lemon zest and lemon juice.

Now, in a bowl large enough to fit your egg whites, whip the whites with a hand or stand mixer until foamy, then slowly start to add the rest of your sugar until stiff peaks appear.

Add half of your dry mixture to the milk mixture and stir in until smooth. Add in half of the egg white mixture, then keep alternating between adding the dry mixture and the egg whites until everything’s incorporated. Divide the batter between your pans and bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 18 minutes. Let the cakes cool in their pans for about 10 minutes, then invert them onto a clean surface to cool completely.

Pre-baked. Spoiler alert: these barely rose at all. 😦

In the meantime, make your lemon curd. Place egg yolks in a medium heatproof bowl, and set aside. In a medium saucepan, whisk together lemon zest, sugar, cornstarch and salt. Add in the lemon juice plus 1 1/2 cups of water, stir until sugar has dissolved, and crank the heat on your stove up to medium-high. Bring to a boil, and keep whisking. Cook for about two minutes, then reduce the heat to medium-low. Slowly pour about one-third of your lemon mixture into the bowl of egg yolks. Basically, you’re tempering your yolks so that you don’t end up with scrambled egg lemon curd. If that’s your thing though, go for it. Also, if that’s your thing…gross. Add this mixture back into your saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring all the while, for about 3 more minutes. Remove the mixture from heat, stir in your vanilla, and place in a heatproof bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and cool completely, for at least an hour and for as long as a day. When cooled, stir in your blueberries.

Just so you know, I am so damn happy I know how to make lemon curd now. It's delicious. I'm putting it on everything.

Now, to assemble this beast.  I’m getting a little bit of anxiety just typing this right now. In fact, I’ve been avoiding it for a while because my creation– at first– turned out to be a disappointment. First, the cakes were not nearly as thick as they should have been. They were pretty flat, and there was no way that I could think of to slice them in half to be even thinner. I pouted for a while before enlisting the help of my boyfriend who, bless him, pretty much has surgeon’s hands and likely would have been able to perfectly halve this thing in a sandstorm.

Oh, but dear readers, guess what else I discovered? Not only is the man good with cutting up the cake. It turns out he’s a master decorator as well.

Yes, I did leave this to him.

And, at the risk of embarrassing him, let me tell you that he got pretty into this. I could not stop repeatedly thanking him and saying “you made it pretty. It was ugly…and then you made it pretty.” Dude’s got talent.

Anyway, I should probably tell you how to do this and quit the fawning. Fawning’s lame. So, cut each cake horizontally in half, or, you know, find someone who can do this and still keep your cake intact. Spread a thick coating of curd over the bottom layer, then stack until you’re at the top. Smooth out any messy bits, and top with a dusting of confectioner’s sugar, or spread a bit more lemon curd on top and add a few blueberries. (This was the man’s brilliant idea.)

I don’t have a better picture of this cake than this, mostly because I walked away as it was being decorated because I was bummed at how flat it turned out. Everyone seemed to really love it at Easter, and we even took a piece home that very, very quickly disappeared. So even though it wasn’t as plump or easy to work with as I would have liked, and even though I’m convinced Ms. Stewart sabotaged me somehow, we ended up with a pretty lovely dessert. Seems like you got got, MS.