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Puddings Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I Took A Mistake I Made And Turned It Into A Mistake My Parents Would Enjoy (And You Can Too!)

HOORAY BIG BLUE!

So I’m on a Trader Joe’s kick. I’m a little bit obsessed with the poorly-organized but crazy affordable supermarket chain. I’ve been guilty of grabbing handfuls of seaweed snacks (They’re a dollar! A buck! One buck!) whilst staring down Hawaiian shirt-donning (why?!) stock-people who are pissed they have to replenish the stash. That’s right. Shibow don’t care.

Now, being on a Trader Joe’s kick (as opposed to a “Target kick” or an “H&M kick,” which I’ve been trying to wean myself off of because people keep making fun of me for only knowing about three stores) has its perks and its disadvantages. One of the downsides of this habit is the idea that if it’s sold by this store, it must be good. So when I found a loaf of sodium-free whole-wheat bread on a shelf, I pounced. It’s low sodium and whole wheat? It must be good for me! It’s sold by TJ’s? It must also taste good then! Never mind that every other type of bread on the shelves was either gone or close to gone, and there were plenty of loaves of this variety. I must just be smarter and more daring than your average bear!

Guess what? I’m not. I’m really, really dumb. Ok, actually, I’m a genius, but this time I was not a genius. This was the most awful bread I’d ever brought to my lips. I brought it to work for my daily PB&J (I’m poor), took one bite, and immediately– not kidding at all– thought one thing: STAMOS! It was that bad. I had to fight back tears while I downed the rest of that sandwich. Life’s tough.

By the way, did you hear that Stamos was in another stupid yogurt commercial that aired during the Super Bowl? I managed to miss it and refuse to watch it now because well, yuck, but I hear someone head-butts him in it! Somebody’s looking out for me. Oh, and speaking of the Super Bowl,

THE GIANTS

WON

THE SUPER BOWL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s in case you hadn’t heard.

Anyway, even though I’d basically purchased a block of [supposedly] edible cardboard, I couldn’t bring myself to throw the rest of the bread in the trash. Like I’d mentioned, I’m not rich, so it just wouldn’t be right. It would, however, be acceptable to douse this thing with sugar, chocolate and peanut butter to make this stuff over into some fabulous bread pudding. As I often do when I am frustrated and in need of sugar, I made up a recipe.

Peanut Butter Coconut Bread Pudding That’s The Best Thing Since [The] Sliced Bread [You Bought And Now Regret]

10 slices of cubed whole wheat sandwich bread

1 14-oz can of condensed milk

1 cup of cow’s, rice, soy or coconut milk

1/4 cup of smooth natural peanut butter

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of peanut butter and chocolate chips

1/3 cup of shredded coconut (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350º F.

Evenly spread bread cubes in a 9×13″ pan and set aside.

Cubed bread. It even LOOKS like cardboard.

In a medium saucepan over low heat, combine condensed milk, milk of your choosing, peanut butter, and vanilla extract. Stir just until peanut butter’s melted and mixed with milk, then pour the mixture over the bread cubes. Stir with a rubber spatula to make sure all of the bread is covered, then fold in peanut butter and chocolate chips.

Getting better...

Sprinkle the shredded coconut over the top, and send into the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until the coconut is slightly browned.

Let’s be honest: you can tell from the title of this post that this was not my favorite bread pudding. This, on the other hand, is. It was pretty good, just not sweet enough for me, especially since I could still taste the wheat in the bread, which is not awesome (Unless you’re my parents. Then it’s fantastic.)  Still, if you let it sit for a couple of days (which I have yet to do), it will allow all of the flavors to absorb,  so that when it’s reheated it will have a deeper flavor. Hopefully. I’ll keep you posted.

Categories
Doughnuts Holiday desserts Sort of Healthy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Thanksgiving Is Upon Us. You Should Definitely Hide From Me.

Confession time! Last year, I turned into a Thanksgiving psychopath. Maybe that’s a little strong. Last year, I turned into a Thanksgiving lunatic. Ok, so there’s no real way to make that sound pretty. It was bad. What do I mean? Well, I promise I did not become a horrible person. How could I when Thanksgiving is my absolute favorite holiday?  But I did kind of go overboard with the cooking and baking and cleaning and crying. I don’t remember why I cried, but I bet it had something to do with almost driving a Ginsu knife straight through my hand while attempting to whip up sweet potato wedges, turkey samosas, pumpkin cheesecake and pumpkin bread pudding simultaneously. I was making all of these things for a post-Thanksgiving party I was hosting for my dearest friends. And it was a potluck dinner. See? Overboard.

Miraculously, all of those dishes turned out pretty well. I’m still damn proud of that cheesecake, and the bread pudding will be seen on this blog very soon, because it ruled. And exhausted as I was, I was also ridiculously happy to be so busy creating new things. One of the reasons I love Thanksgiving so much is the fact that I get to bake like a crazy person and no one can judge me. Someone‘s going to eat it. I also love Thanksgiving because it’s not Christmas. (I’ll explain that some other time. Maybe at Christmas.)

This time around, I kind of feel like the holiday sneaked up on me. I’m pretty sure I was prepping in early October last year, so now I’m feeling a little bit like a slacker. Admittedly, I’ve been distracted and busy. My trip to San Diego was a much-needed vacation where I got to spend some quality time with my bestie and eat my way through a beautiful city (I had an antelope burger! I’ll never eat it again!). I’ve also been…you know…dealing with some stuff or whatever, so I guess I kind of forgot that the best day ever was approaching. Basically, that now means one thing: it’s crunch time. Welcome to my Heaven, and possibly your Hell. My Heaven/your Hell is covered in pumpkin, and involves a stellar soundtrack and me pouncing on anyone who dares disturb my process. Now, I’m being really serious: if you hate pumpkin, you and I might need to be on a break. That’s because a. there are going to be, like, three consecutive posts that feature pumpkin on this blog and b. you buggin’ if you hatin’ on pumpkin. Ready? Ok!

Me, becoming one with the city of San Diego. Actually I'm just a fool.

First up: pumpkin doughnuts! Melinda was kind enough to buy me a doughnut pan while I was visiting, so I vowed to make these babies as soon as I returned. I know the idea of healthy doughnuts freaks you out a tad. It kind of throws me off, too. But ever since I got crazy and threw olive oil into my chocolate chip cookies, I’ve been a believer. It’s fancy and it’s not that bad for you. Promise. I also played around with the recipe a bit and made my own glaze:

Pumpkin Doughnuts with Maple Glaze (makes 10 doughnuts)

For the doughnuts

1 3/4 cups of whole wheat pastry flour or whole wheat flour (I used regular whole wheat)

2 teaspoons of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon of ground cloves

1/3 cup of extra virgin olive oil

1/4 cup of turbinado sugar (If you don’t have this on hand, you can just replace with brown sugar)

1/4 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

3/4 cup of canned pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix or this will become nasty sweet)

1/2 cup of skim milk

For the glaze

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of maple syrup

1/2 cup + 1 tablespoon of confectioners’ sugar

2 tablespoons of milk

More confectioners’ sugar for dusting, if you’re feelin’ it

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a medium-sized bowl, combine flour, salt, baking powder and your spices. In a separate larger bowl, whisk together the oil, egg, pumpkin, milk and vanilla. Slowly fold dry mixture into the wet ingredients and mix until just combined. It will still be a little lumpy.Yes, I used Hipster App for iPhone again because I am lame and forgot to charge my pretty camera.

Grease a doughnut pan and pour the batter evenly into each pan and bake for 12-15 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into a doughnut comes out clean.

Can someone lend me a clue as to how to properly mold the TOP of the doughnut? These came out looking a little like sliced bagels 😦

In the meantime, make your maple glaze. Whisk together all three ingredients in a medium-sized bowl until glaze-y and syrup-y. Yep, you’re done. When the doughnuts are cool enough to touch, drench each one in the glaze until completely soaked and covered.

So…I liked these. The thing that troubles me is that my parents would love these. What do I mean? I mean that these are low-sugar whole wheat doughnuts, and they taste that way. I also mean that I am kind of programmed to hate most of the things my parents absolutely love, because they love things like Raisin Bran and Michael Bolton. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to have made them and will probably make them again…for my parents.

Keep a look out for at least one more pumpkin post this week. Yup, it’s like that. I did warn you.