Categories
Desserts with Fruit Grown Up People Desserts Scones Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I Made Scones… Please Leaves Me Alones

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The above is a photo from the magnificent Rocky Mountains. My boyfriend and I climbed one of its many peaks, and once I reached the top I made sure to promptly drop both my phone and my inhaler. Luckily my boyfriend is not a hot stack of mess and was able to retrieve both items from mother nature’s grasp. The photo is meant to make you jealous I suppose, but really just makes me crave some alone time atop a peak in Colorado or somewhere similar.

Guys, I have no idea what is happening. I don’t want to be one of those “boo-hoo-people-suck-and-the-world- would-be-better-if-I-toured-with-The Swell Season (as a fledgling pretty poor excuse for a ukulele player, of course)-and-never-had-to-deal-with-anything-or-anyone-else-again” people. But I’m really starting to feel like the crazy is all around me, and not of me, if that makes sense. People are just being so…mean. And I can mayyyybe deal with one tool screwing with my chi, but one’s my limit, and just barely. I don’t like to speak ill of people, and I don’t like for others to speak ill of me. I don’t like being spoken about period, as a matter of fact. Think about it, people I know in real life: even when you ask me about this blog, don’t I act super weird and completely shut down because I have no idea what to say about myself? I’m a strange bird, I know.

The past few weeks have been so jam-packed with random happenings, both great and awful, so much so that I haven’t even really had the time to process all of the great or awful. In fact I kind of feel like maybe the awful is preventing me from processing the great. That’s why I basically forced myself to spend some time in the kitchen alone doing what I love. And with this, a scone is born. Well, eight scones, to be exact.

Pear Chai Scones (makes 8 lumpy, maybe ugly but ridiculously yummy scones)

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/4 cup of granulated sugar

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1 teaspoon of cinnamon

1 teaspoon of ginger

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon of ground cardamom

Pinch of freshly ground black pepper

1/2 teaspoon of salt

6 tablespoons of cold butter, cut into small pieces

2 large pears, chopped into chunks or small pieces, depending on how chunky you like your scones (me likey chunky scones)

1 large egg

1 teaspoon maple syrup or vanilla extract

1/2 cup of buttermilk

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Preheat your oven to 350ºF.  In a large mixing bowl, whisk together flour, sugar baking powder, spices, pepper and salt. Now, bring in your butter, which should look a little something like this:

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If you can’t see, the 6 tablespoons are basically chopped up into tiny pieces. I chopped this up and refrigerated the butter until I needed it. For the tenderest scones possible, you want cold butter that hasn’t been worked over a ton, so chop and chill, people. Chop and chill (can I get that on a t-shirt actually?).

Cut your cold butter into the flour mixture with your hands or a pastry blender and work just until the mixture begins to look like a coarse meal.

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Gently fold in your pears and set aside.

Now, in a separate bowl, whisk together your egg, maple or vanilla and buttermilk. Gently pour this wet mixture over your pear/flour mixture, and work just until all of the flour has been moistened.

I know. Mess. I know.
I know. Mess. I know.

So yes, there is mess involved. Turn this dough out onto a floured surface, and carefully work into a 1-inch high disk. Please resist the urge to add more flour to this thing– trust, it will only dry your scones out. With a knife dipped in flour, cut eight equally-sized wedges. Transfer scones to a baking sheet, sprinkle tops with additional sugar if desired, and bake f0r 20-25 minutes, until the tops are lightly browned.

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Now I know these things don’t look pretty. But, I feel like scones rarely do look pretty, right? Maybe? Well, whatever. I opted to not top these with additional sugar and was SUPER happy with the result. They’re not overly sweet, but they are tender and crumbly, with the chunks of pear adding a very pleasant texture.

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Ok, I totally took a bite out of the one above, and you can’t even tell, right? That’s how ugly and misshapen these are. But seriously, the second you bite into one, you will not care. And if you do care, well…please don’t tell me. At least not in person. You know how weird I get.

Categories
Desserts with Fruit Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Sort of Healthy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

In Which I Discover A Rather Healthful Dessert… And Slather It In Butter.

For all of us. You're welcome.
For all of us. You’re welcome.

Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will be en route to Denver, Colorado, in order to visit some lovely people and bask in the Rocky Mountain air. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will not be mid-asthma attack, nauseous and angry due to the lack of oxygen in the air and a case altitude sickness. You can always count on me for a healthy dose of optimism cynicism.

Personally, the week was one big bag of failure. I think the ugly cry may have come to visit my abode about seventeen times. I also yelled at exactly five customer service representatives and five customer service supervisors. I seem to be falling apart?

There are, I know, bigger problems. Jesus, this week. 😦

For information on how to help victims of the Boston marathon, please click here!

All of this sadness, all of the chaos can just become too overwhelming. I could go on and on, but this is not my Livejournal,* this is a baking blog.

As you can all see from previous posts, this blog has been a bundle of jiggly lard lately. For this reason, and with the assumption that warm weather will, in fact, eventually debut in NY at some damn point, I have decided to go for a healthier dessert…. aaaand then coat it in butter. Also I chose pears because I had a few that I needed to use before they spoiled and you KNOW I was not able to let them go to waste. Pears cost dollars.

*I never had a Livejournal. I was a Xanga girl. Please do not Google this. I am sparing you, trust.

Sautéed Pears in a Balsamic Reduction With Roasted Pumpkin Seeds (SO FANCY! SO FRESH!)

2 pears of your choice, cored and sliced

2 tablespoons of butter

1 teaspoon of cinnamon

1 teaspoon of brown sugar, more if you like

1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon of roasted pumpkin seeds, optional

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Now, in a large lidded saucepan, melt your butter over medium heat. When fully melted, add pears. Try to lay slices with no overlaps, if possible. When the pear slices begin to heat up, add just enough water to barely cover them, and then cover the pan for five minutes.

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Meanwhile, in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, bring balsamic vinegar to a simmer. Swirl the vinegar in the pan for a few minutes, then let it simmer and lightly boil for about ten minutes. Remove from heat when it looks thick and appears to have reduced.

Back to your pears. Using a wooden spoon, carefully flip your slices, which should be lightly browned and softened by now. Sprinkle with cinnamon and brown sugar, then remove from heat, plate, and sprinkle more cinnamon and sugar, if you please (you please, trust me you please). Drizzle with balsamic reduction and add pumpkin seeds.

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Now, you would think, or at least I thought, this would be a disaster. I kind of thought the balsamic would take this thing to a place I would never ever want to visit. Instead, it took this thing to a place I’d like to turn into my summer home, if that makes sense.

No joke, as lame as this sounds, I felt super fancy eating this. Also, if I were a person who ever felt remorse over eating dessert– and I am not this person, but if I were– I would certainly not feel guilty over this delicious, light, sweet treat.

Categories
Cakes Classic Favorites Fancy Pantsy Holiday desserts Strange and Yummy

Let’s Celebrate The Terrible Twos With Some Carrot Cake And Polite Conversation

Totally joking about the “polite conversation,” which I’m sure some of my nearest and dearest already knew.

I'm younger than two here I think... but I'm as enormous as most two year-olds are, so let's play pretend.
I’m younger than two here I think… but I’m as enormous as most two year-olds are, so let’s play pretend.

So guys… I totally missed my two-year blogaversary. I think I was maybe busy weeping over something not at all sad and fretting over something not at all important. Which, you know, is totally normal for me. Anyway, I’m also a little bit shocked that we’ve (and I mean it when I say “we” since this blog would be nothing without the kind words I’ve received from its readers) made it to the two-year mark, and I really can’t thank everyone enough who has read this blog, learned from it, commented on it, asked me about it and even just nodded and politely smiled when I mentioned it. It always warms my heart  a little bit when someone mentions that I haven’t posted a new recipe in a while (Hi George! Thanks George!). It also kind of kicks my butt and reminds me to actually get to it.

I’d like to end this section with a little bit of sap, since we all know I’m dangerously and probably unhealthily obsessed with all things sugar. This blog has been with me through some very trying times, and in some way has pulled me through all of them. Originally I started this thinking that only maybe Sylvapotamus and my Dad would read this thing. Of course, I was wrong, in that while  Sylvapotamus is a loyal reader, my Dad kind of hates my blog I think. But I’ve also reached other people, people who’ve found this thing all on their own and miraculously enjoyed it. Thank each and every one of you.

Okay now, let’s all dry our tears, cowboy up and get to it. The following recipe is one adapted from a recent issue of Better Homes and Gardens, which, truthfully, has bettered both my home and my windowsill (this is our garden for now, please don’t judge). Let’s talk about Mango Carrot Cake friends!

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Mango Carrot Cake (makes one 2-layer cake)

For the cake

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1/4 teaspoon of ground nutmeg, optional

1 stick of butter, softened

1 cup of granulated sugar

2 eggs

3/4 cup of refrigerated mango juice blend (I used this ridiculously good Trader Joe’s blend, but you can really use any kind you like)

3 cups of shredded carrot (about 3 to 4 large carrots)

For the frosting

1 8-ounce package of cream cheese or Neufchâtel cheese

1/2 stick of butter

2 cups of confectioner’s sugar

For the fancy carrot ribbons

1 large carrot

1 bowl ice water

Preheat your oven to 350°F and butter and flour two 8-inch round cake pans.

In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and nutmeg (if using), and set aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer, or using a hand mixer, beat butter on high until fluffy, then gradually add in sugar until combined. With the mixer still going, on medium speed, add in eggs one at a time, until fully incorporated.

I must promote this stuff, because it is ridiculous and I'm praying someone sends me some.
I must promote this stuff, because it is ridiculous and I’m praying someone sends me some.

Now, alternate between adding the flour mixture and the mango juice into the butter/egg/sugar mixture, beginning and ending with the flour, just until everything is combined. Take it slow, young Jedis. Do NOT over-mix this batter. Fold in your shredded carrots, and divide this thing between your two cake pans.

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Send into the oven for 25 minutes, until the tops are golden and a toothpick inserted into the center of the cake comes out with just a few crumbs sticking to it. Let cool in pans for 10 minutes, then remove from pans and cool completely.

Now, let’s work on that frosting, which is super easy, by the way. In the bowl of your stand mixer, beat cream cheese until fluffy,  then mix in butter until combined, then slowly add in confectioner’s sugar until the consistency and taste is exactly how you want it. The end! Wait…not the end… using a rubber spatula, evenly and generously spread over the top of one cake. Then, place other cake on top of this one and enjoy your cake sandwich. No, spread more frosting on top of this cake, and then you can enjoy your cake sandwich.

Now, if you’d like to get super fancy with this thang (and I did since this was an Easter dessert), make some carrot ribbons. Using a vegetable peeler, peel off strands of one carrot, then place in a bowl of ice water for 30 minutes. Drain and dry these completely, then add to the top of your cake and you will have…

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YUM-NESS. The mango juice adds just the right amount of sweetness while keeping the cake nice and moist. It’s certainly very, very different from your traditional carrot cake, but a must-do if you’re looking to try something new, fun and fancy. Me likey all these things.

An aerial shot, just to torture you. <3
An aerial shot, just to torture you. ❤
Categories
Breads Classic Favorites Easy Baking Holiday desserts

Irish Soda Bread… Because I’m All About Celebrating Someone Else’s Roots

…Especially when “someone else’s roots” involve something delicious and full of sugar and butter.

(A tune from my favorite Irishman, from a show I’m privileged to have attended)

So yes, I decided to gift you all with a spur-of-the-moment post because I’ve been craving soda bread for an unbelievably long time. What’s “unbelievably long,” you ask? Oh, I’d say it’s been about ten days.

Yep. I’m addicted. And what better time to share this addiction with all of you dear, sweet readers than St. Patrick’s Day?

Now, let me just say this: I have no idea whether this is authentic or not. It tastes pretty damned authentic, but really, I know exactly nothing. Also, it is ridiculously easy to make (especially if you enjoy getting really messy and then cleaning up after your/my filthy self), so let’s quit the small talk and get to it!

Irish Soda Bread (makes a pretty large loaf that will still be difficult to emotionally and physically part with)

5 cups of all-purpose flour

1 cup of granulated sugar

1 tablespoon of baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons of salt

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 cup of butter, cubed and softened

2 1/2 cups of raisins (you can use dried cherries or cranberries if you so desire)

2 1/2 cups of buttermilk

1 large egg

Preheat your oven to 350º and generously butter a skillet with high sides or a dutch oven. In the largest bowl you own, blend together flour, sugar, baking powder, salt and baking soda. Add butter and blend together with fingers until the mixture looks crumbly and coarse, like this:

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Whisk together the buttermilk and egg until blended, then stir buttermilk mixture into the rest of the ingredients. and mix just until all ingredients are incorporated. Do not overmix.

Now, working very carefully, transfer your now-definitely-sticky dough into the skillet or dutch oven you’re using. This will be a pain and will result in you shedding a tear for all of the flour you just probably lost to your floor.

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With a knife dipped in flour, trace a large X onto the top of the dough, then send this into the oven until the bread is cooked through, about 1 hour and 15 minutes. Let cool in the pan for about ten minutes, then transfer to a wire rack and let cool completely.

And then….

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Yes, those are Goldfish in the background. Don’t judge me.

This.

I can’t stop eating this. Seriously, there are crumbs in between the keys on my keyboard right now, because I’m a disgusting human being. Hopefully that is enough to convince you that you should spend a couple of hours making this. You’re welcome.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Carrying On A Most Hated Tradition With A Slice Of Fancy Cake And…Uh…A Dream?

So I’m writing this in kind of a grumpy mood. Selfishly, I’m hoping that writing (which I love) about baking (which I also love) will cure my blues. Sorry, world. Please accept my apologies for the emotion that is about to follow. Also, if any of you deem this to be “too real,” I invite you to please scroll down to the pictures and recipe. Those will kind of rock your world.

Now, as for the rest of you, boy are you brave.

Okay, yes, I have been feeling quite down lately. That most hated tradition I mentioned? That would be my now-apparently-annual trip to the emergency room. I obviously haven’t croaked or anything, so I’m fine in that respect. But, this year’s trip meant crying alone in an unfamiliar place while hooked up to an IV, flying high on morphine and asking everyone around me who this Dr. Unna-sing whose name was emblazoned across my ID bracelet was (I later came to find out it said “Dr. Unassigned” which should give you some indication of how rough an experience that really was for me). Fortunately, a follow-up appointment and minor procedure revealed all to be well. If anything, I think the “minor procedure” may have made my boyfriend’s week, as it produced a few mortifying pictures and videos of me lying on an examination table and muttering like a blithering fool due to the amount of anesthesia I’d been given. Life. Life is…life.

All of this is addition to the incredibly long, tortuously drawn-out existential crisis I’ve been having. Perhaps you can help me with the following:

Can you pay my bills? Can you pay my telephone bills? Can you pay my hospital bills? Can you pay my Con Edison bills? (I did decide to customize the lyrics, yes)

When did my life become Mean Girls? Am I the Tina Fey character or the Lindsay Lohan one? Please say I’m the Tina Fey one? 😦

Stamos, dare I bow down to you now? Will that simple act end all of this tragedy?

This is here to reward you for reading all of that. Thank you. Bless you.
This is here to reward you for reading all of that. Thank you. Bless you.

Well, I truly do hope someone swings by to answer at least one of the above questions, because I have a case of the sads, and the only cure is answers. Oh…wait…answers…and cake. Chocolate Mousse Crepe Cake, to be very specific. Set aside a few hours and wear the ugliest smock you own for this thing. It will all be worth the mess (Note: this is the same thing I tell my soul).

Oh, I played around with this recipe a lot, and adapted from here, here and here. Mostly. Kind of. You want to just do this thing?

(Also, a slight warning: the mousse in this cake contains raw egg. The yolk, as you’ll see, does become heated during the cooking process, but the whites do not, which means there is a very slight salmonella risk. Since I am apparently attracted to hospitals these days, I was willing to take the risk.)

Chocolate Mousse Crepe Cake (makes one crazy-looking, 10-layer monstrosity)

For the crepes (makes 10)

1 1/2 cups of milk (I used skim)

3 large eggs

3 tablespoons of water, room temperature

2 tablespoons of canola oil

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

1 1/2 cups of flour

1/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup of cocoa powder

1/8 teaspoon of salt

For the chocolate mousse (makes 4 heaping servings or more than enough to fill this monstrosity)

6 ounces of semisweet chocolate, chopped (I used chocolate chips)

3 tablespoons of butter

3 eggs, separated

1/4 cup plus two tablespoons of granulated sugar

1/2 cup of cold heavy cream

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Let’s roll, friends.

To begin, place all of the ingredients for your crepe batter into a blender and process until completely smooth. Refrigerate batter for at least an hour, and no more than three hours.

While the batter cools and firms up, we can work on our chocolate mousse. For the mousse, place the chopped chocolate and butter in a glass bowl and set it over a pot of simmering water. Stir with a wooden spoon until melted and smooth. Remove the mixture from heat and allow to cool slightly, then stir in egg yolks, one at a time, until fully incorporated, and set aside.

In a separate bowl, beat egg whites using a hand or stand mixer until foamy. Gradually add in 1/4 cup of the sugar and keep beating until stiff peaks form. The peaks should basically be so stiff that you can turn the bowl upside down without worrying about any of the whites spilling out. This takes time. Please don’t do what did and try to show off  by flipping the bowl over too soon. Confidence is always key, over-confidence is foolish and humiliating.

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And now (yep, lotsa bowls, hope you have a dishwasher or love the smell of Dawn dish soap on your dainty hands) in a chilled bowl, whip the heavy cream until it begins to thicken. Add in the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar and vanilla, and beat until the cream forms soft  peaks.

Gently fold the egg white mixture into the chocolate mixture, then carefully fold this into the whipped cream. Don’t overwork the mixture, as it will start to become heavy and soupy.

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Cover your perfect, light mousse and refrigerate until ready to use.

Let’s now move back to the crepes. I should tell you all that I’ve made regular crepes for breakfast on several Saturday mornings, and have, without fail, screwed up at least the very first couple of crepes. I believe my issue is extreme impatience. I never wait for the pan to get hot enough before pouring the batter in. So, you know, not being me is key.

Now, heat a lightly-greased 8-inch crepe skillet/regular skillet. Then pour two tablespoons of crepe batter into the pan and swirl around until the batter looks paper-thin. When the top looks dry, flip and cook for another 20-30 seconds. Repeat these steps with the remaining batter (greasing the pan again if necessary). Allow to cool completely.

YUM.
YUM.

We’re pretty much almost done here, I swear. Once your crepes have cooled, it’s time to assemble this cake. Lay a crepe down on a cake plate, then spread a healthy amount of mousse over it. Top with another crepe, then top this crepe with more mousse, etc., until you reach the top of the holy mountain of good-God-nessness. You can top this with homemade whipped cream (which I highly recommend) if desired.

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Refrigerate until completely cooled, at least four hours, and preferably overnight.

I know, I know, it’s kind of really ugly-looking right? Well, as you all hopefully know by now, I’m no artist. But let’s talk about what really matters here…how’d it taste.

Sweet mother. It was a day in heaven with a clean bill of health, a thousand happy elephants prancing around on a sandy beach and everything else that you could ever imagine as being part of your best day ever. This thing was worth every minute of every hour I spent working on it.

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