Categories
Classic Favorites Doughnuts Strange and Yummy

Doughnut Pass. Go. Go Make This. Make This Now. The End.

How great am I at titles? So great, right? I’m great.

How positively positive do I sound to you? Positive enough? OK, here’s the thing: this week, I am going to actively try to be more positive. Unless I am maimed in a horrible accident or Glen Hansard decides to retire, I will not complain at all this week. No complaints. None.

Why, you might ask? Well, as I’ve mentioned maybe a bajillion and a half times, I have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately, and it all seems to have finally caught up with me. Instead of crumbling under it, though, I’ve decided to pretend none of it exists. That’s super healthy, right?

Relax, I’ll deal. But for now, I’m going to be grateful and joyful. I’m also going to be doughnutful. Well, I actually already am doughnutful.

Indeed. There are doughnuts. And cool ones, at that. Can we please all just focus on the doughnuts?

Yes? Cool. Because I am SO proud of these things.

Chocolate Chip Doughnuts With A Whole Lot of Different Toppings (makes 6, but you’ll totally make this again immediately)

3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon of baking powder

pinch of salt

1 egg

4 tablespoons of granulated sugar

6 tablespoons of milk (I used skim, but you can use any kind of milk you want)

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/4 cup of semisweet chocolate chips (Don’t go too crazy…the doughnuts will crumble under the weight of too many chips)

Preheat your oven to 325°F and do a really excellent job greasing a 6-mold doughnut pan. Like, an amazing job.

In a large bowl, beat the egg and add your sugar, milk and vanilla. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt, then add your dry ingredients into the bowl of wet ingredients, mixing until fully incorporated.

Then stir in your chocolate chips, and pour evenly into your pan. This is hard to do if you’re a klutz, but you can and you shall! Positive thoughts! 🙂

Positive thoughts!

Send into the oven and bake for 15 minutes, or until the tops of the doughnuts spring back a little when you touch them. Let them cool in the pans for 5 minutes, then remove– super easily, since you greased the pans like crazy– and let cool completely. Then you can top them. This is the part where you say “YAY!”

Ok, so, as you can see, we got creative. I say “we” because my boyfriend the sudden baking prodigy was there to assist. Apparently, doughnut toppings are his jam. Seriously. Dude knows his stuff.

Here’s a list of our toppings:

Chocolate Sea Salt

Chocolate and Cinnamon Sugar

Chocolate and Raspberry Pim Cookies (purchased on a whim, regretted purchasing and then decided to use as a topping, which was a pretty good idea)

Chocolate and Lemon zest/Coconut/Sea Salt

Chocolate and Toasted Coconut Curry

Cardamom Glaze

Cardamom Glaze and Toasted Coconut Curry

Now, for the chocolate topping, simply melt about 1/4 cup of dark chocolate chips in a small bowl set over another bowl of simmering water. Then, dip the tops of your doughnuts in the chocolate and refrigerate until hardened. If you plan on adding other toppings on top of your chocolate, wait until you’ve added to refrigerate.

In my opinion, the last four toppings that I listed are the most interesting, and also the tastiest. Boyfriend thought most of them up, so props to him (I claim coconut curry, though. It would be kind of sad if the brown girl did not think up the curry topping first, right?) I’ll take you through the cardamom glaze and coconut curry.

For the cardamom glaze, heat 1/4 cup of confectioner’s sugar, a couple of teaspoons of milk and four cardamom pods in a small saucepan over low heat. Stir until just starting to boil, then remove from heat and start dunking your doughnuts!

For the toasted curry coconut, preheat your oven to 350°F. Spread a big handful (I don’t know, use your judgement) of shredded coconut on a baking sheet and toast for 10-15 minutes, until lightly browned. Then evenly distribute a couple of teaspoons of curry powder (the amount will depend on how much you like curry powder) over the coconut and shake around to mix the two. Then sprinkle over your doughnuts.

Then you may proclaim the joyous words/profanity laden exclamations of your choice. You know, with a smile on your face.

Categories
Blondies Classic Favorites Sort of Healthy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Blondies Do Not Have More Fun, At Least When They’re With Me. I Know That’s An Awful Title, Please Hear Me Out Anyway.

I posted this on Facebook a while ago to express how I’ve been recently. There really aren’t any words that could do my feelings justice in quite the same way as the following clip.

 

Nothing else to say, really, because that about says it all. Friends, it’s a stressful time.

I know I’m usually kind of shady about what’s going on, but that’s usually because I’m not totally sure. This time around is not much different. We’re packing up our abode and will be out by the end of the month. Where to, you ask? That hasn’t really been all ironed out yet. And therein lies the problem.

Ok, don’t fret lovely people: I’m not going to be Homeless Sad Shibow. It doesn’t have the same flow that “Sad Shibow” does, and anyway I’m a delicate flower and would be eaten alive by the outdoors faster than you could say “Hey loser, could I have that rad icing decorator of yours since you sure as hell won’t be using it anytime soon.” So, no, I won’t be homeless, simply because this body ain’t built for it.

Anyway, shelter’s only one major problemo I’m dealing with. I still don’t really have much in the way of a “five year plan,” like most fancy folks do, or at least a plan that would seem practical. Oh, you’d like to hear this plan? So would I! Here goes:

1. Lots of monies. They can be in American dollars or Canadian dollars. Probably Canadian dollars because they’re made of maple syrup.

2. My own bakery. Maybe not. Probably not. Maybe a cafe? But one that’s not that busy. But it still has to generate lots of maple syrup.

3. Babies. Fat ones.

4. Houses. Yes, houses.

So as you can probably tell, that was more of a stream-of-consciousness exercise than it was a plan. In truth, I’m not sure how much I believe in plans, since things never work out quite the way I expected them to anyway. Alls I’m saying is…oh hell, I don’t know. Want to hear about the blondies I made? Yeah you do.

Blondies (makes 16)

1 cup of packed brown sugar

1/4 cup of butter

1 egg

2 tablespoons of skim milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 cup of whole wheat flour

1 teaspoon of baking powder

Pinch of salt

3/4 cup of chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350°F and grease an 8×8″ square cake pan.

In a medium-sized saucepan, heat butter over low heat until fully melted. Stir in milk, sugar, beaten egg and vanilla.

What happens when to try to mix the ingredients directly in your pan. It was a bad day…and a bad idea (but pretty!).

When completely mixed, pour into a large bowl and add in the flours, baking powder, and salt. When you have your batter, fold in your chocolate chips and spread evenly in pan. Send into the oven for 20 to 25 minutes, until the top is golden brown. Cool in the pan for 5 minutes, then invert and leave on a separate surface until completely cooled. Then, cut into 16 square bars, get a glass o’ milk ready, and go to town.

Ok, so…I have a confession. I didn’t have any all-purpose flour in my apartment. I’m also lazy and tired and annoyed and didn’t want to go out and get a 5 pound bag of it when I knew I had whole wheat flour, and lots of it, at home. So I used a cup of whole wheat flour. And boy did my sly fox of a man notice. He allegedly “didn’t mind them,” but, well, I kind of did. That’s why mine are under the category of “Stuff Your Parents Would Like.”

For what they are, they’re good. I’ve never been crazy about blondies (I’ll let YOU make the jokes there), but I was pretty happy with them. But I’m not the only judge, so why don’t we check the math for some answers: I’m writing this four days after making these, there are zero blondies left and there is only one other person in my apartment. So I’d say they were kind of a hit with a certain someone else. 😉

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Easy Baking No-Bake Recipes Vegan Desserts

I Created A Monster. I Tried To Stay Away From The Monster. The Monster Was Too Delicious, So It Won. And Then I Won.

YOU GUYS.

I’m going to keep you in suspense when it comes to what I made for this post for just a little longer…

…But only so I can show you the AWESOME spot I helped put together!

I can’t tell you how proud I am of this thing. Really, I am so, SO happy that I was even able to be a part of it. It was so much fun, and I personally think it’s a pretty brilliant little piece, thanks to an amazing cast and crew (the writer/director knocked my socks off with this one, and no that’s not because I’m a little biased toward him ;)).

So, yes, being able to finally debut this was exhilarating. My mood has certainly improved thanks to all of the kind words attached to this video, even though most of the credit isn’t mine. Still, I’m super happy.

Weird, right? Weird to see “super happy” on this blog. Ah well. Let’s all just try to deal with it as best we can, shall we?

Ok, on to the actual dessert portion of today’s meal. Aren’t you just dying to know what I made? Ok…deep breaths everyone…I made…

Peanut butter cups!

Wait! Hear me out! I know there have been many stranger, more complex, more interesting baked goods on this site. I know. But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, works for me quite the way the magical combination of chocolate and peanut butter does. I’m not even exaggerating. That these were incredibly easy to make only rocked my already-rocking world until up was down and happy was Sad Shibow. Let’s get it, kids.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups (makes 24 mini cups)

3 cups of semisweet chocolate chips (I used Trader Joe’s brand, of course)

1 cup of all-natural peanut butter

1 cup of confectioner’s sugar

A handful of Peanut Butter Puffins (Sorry again for the product placement, but these things rule my universe. If they somehow do not rule yours, use a handful of graham cracker crumbs)

Big pinch of salt

Line a 24-cup mini muffin tin with cupcake liners.

So, some of you will be pleased to know that these particular cups are vegan as well. Hoorah to you, and me, and everybody!

Set chocolate chips in a large bowl over a pot of simmering water. Stir constantly until completely melted. Now, drop about half a teaspoon’s worth of the melted chocolate into each cupcake liner, and use the back of the spoon to coat the bottom and sides completely. You will have leftover melted chocolate, which we’ll be using in a bit, so please don’t get crazy with what you’ve got left.  Once you’ve coated every liner, send the tin into the refrigerator for about 15 minutes, or until the chocolate hardens up.

While you wait, start in on the peanut butter mixture. In a medium-sized bowl, stir together peanut butter, sugar, Puffins and salt. You should be able to hand-stir this thing. You should also probably taste test, to mentally prepare yourself for the awesomeness you will be dealt once this whole thing comes together.

Once your chocolate’s hardened, remove the tin from the fridge and evenly distribute your peanut butter filling among the cups.

Then, drop more of your melted chocolate (you may need to re-melt at this point) on top to completely cover the peanut butter, and flatten the tops with the back of a spoon as best you can. Send back into the fridge for about half an hour or until the chocolate has hardened completely.

So…how were they? Well, fortunately I was not alone in making and trying these, as the lovely Sylvapotamus was available and generous enough to assist. I cannot tell you how lucky I was that someone else was present to devour these with me, because I’m pretty sure eating 24 of these things would be deemed unacceptable in most circles…

…not in mine though. 😉

Categories
Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Fancy. Weird. Delicious. Well I’m Flattered, But No, We’re Not Talking About Me Silly!

Nyuk nyuk.

And here we conclude the BARBEQUE FEAST/DESSERT EXTRAVAGANZAAAA trilogy that began many moons ago…or like one moon ago. How does that phrase work exactly? Anyone?

Ok, while we all figure that out, let’s chat about shaky ground. I’m feeling like I’m on some. Maybe that’s too strong, but I’m still feeling pretty down. There was one day this week where I’m fairly sure all I ate were chocolate chip banana pancakes, peanut butter, vanilla ice cream and more peanut butter. Life has not been filled with rainbows, friends. It’s been filled with peanut butter and tears. And that is not a blogworthy combination.

So, what the problem is? Well, what the problem is…is lots of things. Future, past, present, atmosphere, apartment, landlord, oven, mean folks, STAMOS (thought I forgot about that monster, huh?), Mercury in retrograde. It just…is. 😦

So…yeah, stressed. I’d elaborate, but I’m pretty sure we’d all really rather hear about something called a Honey, Fig and Rosemary Cake, right? Thought so.

Before I start in on this, does anyone else have trouble finding figs? It should not be as hard as it is. After all, as my mother will tell you, Jesus ate figs. And hey, if they’re good enough for the big J…

Anyway, it sh0uld just be easier.  Ok, let’s get weird.

Honey, Fig and Rosemary Cake (makes one 9-in round cake)

For the cake

2 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1 teaspoon of salt

3/4 cup of granulated sugar

2 tablespoons of fresh rosemary, chopped as coarsely as possible

1 tablespoon of freshly and finely-grated lemon zest

6 tablespoons of softened butter

1/4 cup of Rosemary-infused extra virgin olive oil (you can just use regular, but the boyfriend made it and I HIGHLY recommend it)

2 large eggs

1/4 cup of honey

1 cup of milk, room temperature (I used skim)

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

For the Fig Topping

2 tablespoons of butter

12 figs, stemmed and cut in half lengthwise

Salt and pepper

1/2 cup of honey

Preheat your oven to 350°F (yes, you’re using your oven, yes it’s worth it like crazy).

Grease a 9-ince springform or regular cake pan. If you’re using a springform pan, make sure you really grease it, or else it will be a pain in the backside to remove the actual baked cake, and you’ll let loose a string of incredibly creative and incredibly bad, bad words. This is a classy cake, so you don’t really want to be throwing around non-classy language.

You may have noticed that I’ve tweaked some parts of the recipe a bit, which I often do because it’s fun and because I sometimes forget to buy one–ONE– ingredient called for in the original. In this case, I’ve opted for lemon zest. With this, we’re going to make a rosemary-lemon sugar, and because of this, you’re going to love me. Now, you can either pulse together your lemon zest, sugar and rosemary until completely blended or toss in a small bowl and set aside. I opted for the latter, because tossing stuff is easy and I do not own fancy contraptions.

In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt, and set aside.

In a large bowl, beat together butter, oil and rosemary-lemon sugar with a hand mixer on medium speed until fully incorporated and light. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then add your honey and mix just until combined. Now, with the mixer on low, alternate between adding in the flour mixture and adding in the milk. Make sure everything’s mixed together fully. Add in vanilla and then beat for another 10 seconds or so.

Oh, if you’re not crying out “MOTHER OF PEARL, THIS SMELLS AMAZING!” by now, you either hate rosemary or forgot something. Re-check, then proclaim your joy.

Using a rubber spatula, scrape all of the batter into your greased pan, then send into the oven for 40 to 45 minutes, rotating the cake about halfway through the process, and bake until a toothpick inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then remove cake from pan and let it cool on a rack for about an hour.

Now, to make the figs. Melt your butter in a large skillet over medium heat until it begins to brown and smell a little nutty (YOU SMELL A LITTLE NUTTY!). Add in your figs and season with a bit of salt and pepper, to taste. Cook for about 3 minutes, until the figs start to soften. Stir in your honey and remove the figs from heat.

Level the top of the cake a bit (this is optional, to be honest), then pour your fig-honey mixture over the top, making sure the round is as evenly covered as possible. Serve immediately.

So, on to the verdict. I elected to level the cake top a bit, mostly so that I could have an excuse to try the actual cake. I am a person with little self control when it comes to sweets. This is my curse. This is my blessing. Anyway, OMG. The cake was moist, sweet, fragrant and had the perfect, perfect hint of rosemary. I kind of need it in my life again, right now.

I mean…you’re seeing this right? Imagine tasting it. Oh, you can’t imagine it? Then MAKE THIS. Make it, now. Please make it now. Invite me over, and we’ll make it together. Even Almond Joycha liked it! God, I miss this cake.

Categories
Desserts with Fruit Easy Baking Frozen Desserts Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes

Frozen Boozy Fruit Pops. Or Sangria Poptails, If You’re Feeling Fancy.

And we’re always feeling fancy here, aren’t we? Oh, you’re not? Well, this is uncomfortable.

Anyway, let’s just fake it ’til we make it, shall we? Oh, you can’t? Why are you being so difficult today? You know what you sound like? You sound like a person in need of sangria. Frozen sangria. It’s on a stick. Just trust me.

Yes, this is another entry from The Party That Ruled The Roof (Bacon Sundae Party? Ringin’ a bell? Yay!), and it is so. worth. making. Basically, I wanted something cool (literally and figuratively, because I am soulful and deep in that way) and sophisticated (to make up for the fact that I am not) that our guests would enjoy and not spill on themselves and on my white tank top. Enter the sangria pop! It’s fruity, it’s light, and it’s BOOOOOOZY! Let’s roll, adults!

White Sangria Poptails (makes 12 Dixie cup pops)

1 1/2 cups of pinot grigio, divided

1 1/2 cups of Orange Peach Mango juice (Sorry for the product placement, but this is, like, the perfect juice for this. You can also use a combination of peach juice and orange juice if you want)

1 1/2 cups of mixed chopped fruit (I used mangoes, pineapples, grapes and raspberries. I highly recommend this most excellent combo)

2 tablespoons of lime or lemon juice (I used lime)

In a medium-sized bowl, combine 1 cup of your pinot grigio with all of your chopped fruit and set aside for about 20 minutes.

Pretty, no?

Once the 20 minutes is up, strain the fruit out, making sure to save the now-infused wine. Evenly distribute the chopped fruit amongst your popsicle molds/Dixie cups.

Then, take your fruit-infused cup of wine and mix with 1 cup of your Orange Mango Peach Juice and lime/lemon juice. Pour into molds, evenly distributing among them. Top each mold off with the remaining 1/2 cup of pinot and remaining 1/2 cup of juice. Lightly stir, then send into the freezer for about an hour. When the pops begin to freeze, insert a popsicle stick into each, and allow to freeze completely, at least three hours.

So, what was the consensus? First, it was… wtf?! Then it was…oh…oh, yes, new friend, hello. Then it was…hazy. These are pretty strong, so make sure you’re not downing one before operating a tractor or anything. For reals.

Honestly, these were YUMMY. I “accidentally” made too many and now have a freezer full of these, which, you know, makes life super difficult/delicious. HIGHLY recommended.