Categories
Brownies Chocolate Cheer

I’m A Brownie And I Had A Breakdown So I Made Brownies. Let Me Break It Down.

OH FRIED BUTTER have I been depressed lately.

It all started… well, actually, I’m not exactly sure where or when it started. I do remember that I had a silent, pretty solid cry when I realized there was a random (completely removable) stain on a dress I was planning to wear to work. I still can’t completely explain to you what had happened, because I’m not sure. But I am sure that IT SUCKED.

So, what’s it all about, man? Well, I hate not having any idea of where I’m going. I have a degree I don’t use and am not sure I’ll ever get the chance to use, and that upsets me. What’s next? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t, and that scares me to no end.  I know I shouldn’t complain since I have a good job and am surrounded by good people. But how do I not compare myself to all the other people my age–and even younger— who already know exactly what they want? So many of them have got it all figured out, and I’m stuck feeling, well, a little stuck.

This is here to break up the sob story a little and just because it needs to be here, because it needs to be.

To be a little more specific while still being annoyingly vague, about a year and a half ago I completed a graduate program that I’d hoped would lead me in a direction I was very prepared to commit to for the long haul. Then, thanks to budgetary constraints and various other pretty lame occurrences, the dream died and I felt like a massive failure. Sometimes I still feel a little dizzy just thinking about what went down, but I fortunately no longer beat myself up over all of circumstances that were out of my control. I always told myself I’d try again, though, and I have yet to make good on that promise.

Now, I know what you’re saying, and I might be saying the same thing to myself if I were you: “Shibow, those are some CHAMPAGNE problems!” And you’re right, they are. Like I said, I’m very blessed in many ways– more ways than I’ll ever be able to spell out in this post without boring you into a vegetative state– but I’m also Sad Shibow, dammit. I get to be SAD sometimes! So, to everyone I’ve neglected, ignored, cried in front of, elbowed in the face (yup) recently, this is why, and I really do apologize.

I needed comfort food, and that meant that I needed seriously fudgy brownies. Now, my very first post on this blog was about brownies. It was also about how a maniac kicked me in the behind. I’m pretty sure this is an appropriate time to try out another brownie recipe. Let’s try Fudgy Cream Cheese Cocoa Brownies.

Cream Cheese Cocoa Brownies (makes 16 large or 25 smaller brownies, maybe even more smaller brownies if you’re spatially challenged like I am)

For the chocolate part

1/2 cup of melted butter or vegetable oil

1 cup of granulated sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

6 tablespoons of cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of salt

For the cream cheese part

5 ounces of cream cheese or Neufchâtel cheese, softened

5 tablespoons of powdered sugar

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a large bowl, cream together your butter and sugar until combined fully. Beat in each egg one at a time, then stir in your vanilla. Next, add the remaining dry ingredients in (Yes, if you choose to make these regular brownies and not add the cream cheese portion, you’ll have one-bowl brownies. Lazies rejoice!) and mix until fully combined. The mixture will be a little bit grainy at this point. Spread it evenly into a 8×8 square pan.

Now, in a smaller bowl, mix the cream cheese and sugar together until mixed. You might need to break out the mixer for this. Spoon big dollops of this onto your chocolate mixture…

…and then do a better job of swirling these two together than I did. Send into the oven for about 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into it comes out with a few crumbs still stuck onto it. Let these cool completely before cutting into brownie squares.

I think if I had been a little more patient with these, they would have turned out better. I’m mad at myself for not making the swirls prettier and more obvious, but I guess I should leave the fancy stuff to the real artists :(. While these were pretty yummy, and satisfied my need for something chocolaty, I still prefer the first ones I made. These were a little more cakey, which some people prefer, while the pure cocoa brownies were much richer. Since I’m not quite out of this slump yet, I think I’ll revisit those, and then keep revisiting them until this funk passes. It’s a tough life, this life.

Categories
Breads Cakes

Let’s Talk About Another Holiday I Hate While Making Another Treat That You’ll Love

I made this egg-in-a-hole thing for breakfast this morning. It was supposed to be a lovey-dovey looking heart. Instead it looks like the cardiac muscle.

Happy Tuesday! Yes, that’s what I am calling today. I really don’t really enjoy this holiday. In the sixth grade, one boy asked another boy to ask me to be his Valentine. Then, my supposed Valentine never spoke to me again. It was not cool.

Actually, let’s be fair. I have never enjoyed this holiday…until now. I like who I’m with. I like him more than I dislike this holiday. I like him more than I hate Stamos. That’s a lot! Also, I’ve chosen to look at today as “Grateful For All Of The Stuff I Love Day.” So, to continue, I heart Sylvapotamus and The Swell Season and my family and this blog and baking andandand…

Enough cheese for you yet? No? Ok then. Let’s make Lemon Cream Cheese Coconut Bread. That should do it!

Lemon Cream Cheese Coconut Bread (makes one mother of a loaf)

For the bread

1 cup of sugar

1/2 cup of softened butter

2 eggs

1/2 cup of milk

3 tablespoons of lemon juice (about the juice of one lemon)

1 tablespoon of lemon zest (about the zest of one lemon…see how that all worked out?)

1 3/4 cups of all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

For the filling

3/4 cup sweetened toasted coconut flakes (Lay these out on a baking sheet and toast in a 350ºF oven for 10 minutes. Boom. Toasted.)

3 ounces of softened cream cheese or Neufchâtel cheese

3 tablespoons of confectioner’s sugar

For the optional glaze that I could live without (and, in fact, did live without)

1/2 cup of powdered sugar

2 to 3 tablespoons of milk

Preheat your oven to 350ºF and grease up a 8×4″ loaf pan. Meanwhile, in a large bowl, using a hand mixer, beat together the butter, sugar and eggs at medium speed. When it’s creamy, beat in the milk, lemon juice and zest. Then stir in your flour, baking powder and salt until combined. I’d recommend stirring in the dry ingredients by hand, especially if you’re trying to surprise the person you’re making this for and that person happens to live with you. Your kitchen might look like that scene from Scarface if you attempt to use the mixer. You get me?

Lovely, lemony batter

Now, let’s work on the filling. Make sure to set aside about two tablespoons of the coconut, which will (spoiler alert) appear later in the story. Mix the rest of the coconut with the cream cheese and sugar until fully combined.

Sweet Ron Burgundy, it took everything in me not to eat this filling while making it.

Now, pour half of your lemon batter into your loaf pan. Evenly spoon the cream cheese mixture onto it, then pour the remaining batter over to cover. Let this bake in your oven for 50 to 55 minutes, until the top is a deep, golden brown. Let this one cool in the pan for about 10 minutes, then remove it and let it cool completely.

At this point, you can make the glaze if you want to. Since I was making this as part of a Happy Tuesday Ambush Breakfast, I thought the glaze would be overkill. I’d actually tried it and did not love it, so decided to simply sprinkle my reserved coconut atop the bread. Mother of Blog, I think I made the right move.

This thing is a MUST make again. We haven’t even come close to finishing it, and I’m already thinking of occasions on which I can make this again. Methinks a Happy Thursday is in order.

Categories
Puddings Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I Took A Mistake I Made And Turned It Into A Mistake My Parents Would Enjoy (And You Can Too!)

HOORAY BIG BLUE!

So I’m on a Trader Joe’s kick. I’m a little bit obsessed with the poorly-organized but crazy affordable supermarket chain. I’ve been guilty of grabbing handfuls of seaweed snacks (They’re a dollar! A buck! One buck!) whilst staring down Hawaiian shirt-donning (why?!) stock-people who are pissed they have to replenish the stash. That’s right. Shibow don’t care.

Now, being on a Trader Joe’s kick (as opposed to a “Target kick” or an “H&M kick,” which I’ve been trying to wean myself off of because people keep making fun of me for only knowing about three stores) has its perks and its disadvantages. One of the downsides of this habit is the idea that if it’s sold by this store, it must be good. So when I found a loaf of sodium-free whole-wheat bread on a shelf, I pounced. It’s low sodium and whole wheat? It must be good for me! It’s sold by TJ’s? It must also taste good then! Never mind that every other type of bread on the shelves was either gone or close to gone, and there were plenty of loaves of this variety. I must just be smarter and more daring than your average bear!

Guess what? I’m not. I’m really, really dumb. Ok, actually, I’m a genius, but this time I was not a genius. This was the most awful bread I’d ever brought to my lips. I brought it to work for my daily PB&J (I’m poor), took one bite, and immediately– not kidding at all– thought one thing: STAMOS! It was that bad. I had to fight back tears while I downed the rest of that sandwich. Life’s tough.

By the way, did you hear that Stamos was in another stupid yogurt commercial that aired during the Super Bowl? I managed to miss it and refuse to watch it now because well, yuck, but I hear someone head-butts him in it! Somebody’s looking out for me. Oh, and speaking of the Super Bowl,

THE GIANTS

WON

THE SUPER BOWL

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s in case you hadn’t heard.

Anyway, even though I’d basically purchased a block of [supposedly] edible cardboard, I couldn’t bring myself to throw the rest of the bread in the trash. Like I’d mentioned, I’m not rich, so it just wouldn’t be right. It would, however, be acceptable to douse this thing with sugar, chocolate and peanut butter to make this stuff over into some fabulous bread pudding. As I often do when I am frustrated and in need of sugar, I made up a recipe.

Peanut Butter Coconut Bread Pudding That’s The Best Thing Since [The] Sliced Bread [You Bought And Now Regret]

10 slices of cubed whole wheat sandwich bread

1 14-oz can of condensed milk

1 cup of cow’s, rice, soy or coconut milk

1/4 cup of smooth natural peanut butter

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of peanut butter and chocolate chips

1/3 cup of shredded coconut (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350º F.

Evenly spread bread cubes in a 9×13″ pan and set aside.

Cubed bread. It even LOOKS like cardboard.

In a medium saucepan over low heat, combine condensed milk, milk of your choosing, peanut butter, and vanilla extract. Stir just until peanut butter’s melted and mixed with milk, then pour the mixture over the bread cubes. Stir with a rubber spatula to make sure all of the bread is covered, then fold in peanut butter and chocolate chips.

Getting better...

Sprinkle the shredded coconut over the top, and send into the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until the coconut is slightly browned.

Let’s be honest: you can tell from the title of this post that this was not my favorite bread pudding. This, on the other hand, is. It was pretty good, just not sweet enough for me, especially since I could still taste the wheat in the bread, which is not awesome (Unless you’re my parents. Then it’s fantastic.)  Still, if you let it sit for a couple of days (which I have yet to do), it will allow all of the flavors to absorb,  so that when it’s reheated it will have a deeper flavor. Hopefully. I’ll keep you posted.

Categories
Cakes Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Vegan Desserts

It’s Wiggity Wiggity Wacky Cake

One of the many ridiculous events of the past few weeks. Yes, it is a screen shot of a video that the boyfriend took of me driving a Uhaul. God I love technology.

You all have to deal with groan-inducing titles like this one because I have a case of the sniffles and can’t think clearly enough to come up with something awesome. Weeks of unpacking, cleaning, dusting and rolling around on not-quite-clean carpets in fits of delirium (this has not been an easy move) have finally taken their toll on my body. I would very much like to assume the fetal position and take a season-long nap on the couch, but I fear this will be frowned upon. Instead, I must soldier on, baking cookies and cakes to keep loved ones happy. Lord, am I brave.

I’m ill. Indulge me.

So, a couple years ago I found a recipe for something called a wacky cake. I felt a strange pull toward this cake, and can only assume its name and I have something in common. I’m not really sure why it’s called a wacky cake (it’s also known as a dump cake, but sometimes my brain is five years old and finds that name disgusting) but hey, let’s just go with it, man.

I decided to go with this particular cake as one of three desserts (and that’s me holding back, kids) that would be featured at our housewarming shindig for two reasons: 1. it’s easy and I needed something easy because I was pulling my hair out and slowly rocking back and forth while trying to figure out if I should roll clockwise or counterclockwise along the carpets, and 2. it’s vegan, and I know some awesome vegans. I also know some awesome non-vegans who had no idea that this sweet treat was animal byproduct-free.  Ha! How you like me now?

Oh, this cake is also very kid-friendly, as it contains both baking soda and vinegar, which, if you’ve ever done that 6th grade science project involving creating your own volcano (mine never worked!!! WHY?!), you know will fizz up and create some serious joy for very little money. And I am all about the cheap thrill. Wait…

Wacky Cake (makes one 9-inch round cake)

1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

1 cup of sugar

3 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of vinegar

1 teaspoon of vanilla

5 tablespoons of vegetable or olive oil

1 cup of cold water

3/4 cup of non-dairy semisweet chocolate chips, optional (I used the Trader Joe’s brand)

Oh, the other great thing about this cake is that it’s made it one bowl. Easy clean-up! Yay! Anyway, preheat your oven to 350°F.

In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda and salt. Then, dig two small wells and one larger well in the dry mixture. Pour vinegar in the first, vanilla in the second, and your oil in the third.

It looks like a panda! Not really.

Then, pour cold water over the mixture, stir, and watch it fizz! Mix together until all ingredients are completely combined, then add in about 1/4 cup of your chocolate chips, if you plan on using them, and stir.

Send this into the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until a toothpick comes out with some crumbs stuck to it and the cake springs back a little when you touch it. Let it cool in the pan for ten minutes, then flip onto a separate plate and let it cool completely.

If you decide to make the chocolate topping (DO IT!), set the remaining 1/2 cup of chocolate chips in a medium-sized bowl over a pan of very hot water. Stir until totally melted, then pour evenly over the top of your cake. It should take about 45 minutes to cool and completely harden. Oh, I also tried to get fancy with it and make a little powdered sugar elephant stencil on top. You can see for yourself how that worked out below. Spoiler alert: it looks dumb…

…But it tastes amazing!

Categories
Cakes Cupcakes

I’m Baking Coconut Cakes, and I’m Baking Them Indian Style.

That’s because I have no counter space and have to sit on the floor. Ba dum bum.

Still there? Cool. So, the new kitchen is taking some getting used to. I have no counter space. That is not an exaggeration. In my old apartment, if I needed to reach something on the top shelf of a cabinet, I’d climb onto a tabletop and grab my prize. Here, I would have to find a way to straddle the stove in order to reach anything up high. If you know me, you know I will not be able to find a way that does not involve burning my lower half somehow. So, if you happen to see a recipe for a Brown Bottom Roast in the next couple of weeks, you’ll know why. You’ll also know not to make that particular dish yourself.

So even though I’ve been spending quite a bit of time getting to know my kitchen floor a little better, baking in the new place has been fun. My boyfriend painted the space a really pretty colonial blue– it was piss yellow before (I’m convinced that if you walk into Benjamin Moore and ask for the color “piss yellow,” they will hand you a bucket of the repulsive grime that coated our walls, even though they should probably just flush it all to hell)– so now sometimes I even bake when I’m not sad! What?!*

Anyway, this past weekend, we had a housewarming party that God decided to decorate with the first real snow of the winter. That meant that we were frantically running around in slippery, sleet-y weather getting together last-minute necessities. It also meant that one of us slipped and fell on her brown bottom [roast] and cursed the gallon of milk that anchored her to the ground for a good couple of minutes. Then she went home, cried, shook and churned out some mini coconut cakes for the party. Then they both got ready, ate cheese, drank wine, and partied, and everyone lived happily ever after forever. The End. Let’s do this!

Mini Coconut Cakes (makes 24 individual cakes, or an 8-inch round cake if you prefer)

3/4 cup of sugar

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups of dried coconut (you can use sweetened or unsweetened, but I used sweetened because I had a ton left over from my fat bunny cake, and because it’s yummy)

4 large egg whites

Pinch of salt

1 stick (8 tablespoons) of melted and slightly cooled butter

2 tablespoons of finely grated lemon zest

2 tablespoons of sweetened dried coconut for sprinkling over the batter

Preheat your oven to 375ºF, and grease a 24-cup mini muffin tin. Meanwhile, in a medium-sized bowl, combine sugar, flour and coconut, then set aside. In a separate large bowl, whisk together egg whites and salt until smooth, then add in butter and lemon zest and stir until fully combined. Add dry ingredients into the bowl of wet ingredients, a little at a time, until fully incorporated. The mix should look a little lumpy and soggy, which is exactly what you want anything you make to look like:

Using a teaspoon, spread batter evenly among muffin tins, and then send this into the oven until the tops are deeply golden, which should take about 15 minutes. I’d also rotate the pan about halfway through cooking, unless you want some uneven toasting, like this:

Guess what I didn't do! Guess!

Turn these out onto a rack and let them cool completely before enjoying. Seriously, they’re much better when they’ve cooled, mostly because your tongue’s not burnt. Once cooled, these were a pretty big hit. This was actually the second batch that I’d made in two days, because a good portion of the first batch had mysteriously vanished from the kitchen. Methinks the new walls have a healthy appetite for coconut…

*Not to worry, I’m still a grump. I still give rude commuters dirty looks, and I still hate Christmas. Some things will never change. Like the name of this blog, no matter how pretty our kitchen is now (sigh, it’s so pretty…). Pinky promise.