It’s Summer, So We’re Trying To Eat Healthily. Scratch That. We’re Trying To Eat Bacon Sundaes.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on this blog talking about how sad I’ve been. Sad that I’ve lost touch with some people. Sad that I’ve trusted some of the wrong people in the past. Sad that I’ve been dissed and hurt for no particular reason. Sad that I’m not where I’d like to be in some aspects of life. Just plain old sad.

Well screw all that. Did you not see the title of this post?! There is bacon among us, people. Buck up!

So last week I took a few days off to relax. Some call it a “staycation.” I call it a “I’m poor and a little burned out, so I’m going to sit around and eat raisins and listen to an old Smashing Pumpkins record for a few days.” On one of those days, my boyfriend and I made a special trip to Burger King after hearing tales of a new dessert item: the bacon sundae. Believe it or not, it was bleeping delicious, and it needed to be made. Boyfriend had the seriously bright idea to concoct this creature together.

I’m writing this post the day after a spectacular rooftop barbecue we hosted. This means that I am sore, tired and a little foggy. This, I believe, also means the party was a success. Thanks to this lovely event and thanks to my tendency to go overboard dessert-wise, there will be a few posts on deliciousness related to this soiree. Yippee.

Now, we don’t have an ice cream maker, and apparently making ice cream from scratch without one is incredibly annoying. I don’t have time to be annoyed. I want a bacon sundae, and STAT! So, we bought French vanilla ice cream from, where else, Trader Joe’s. And, surprise surprise, it’s friggin’ amazing.

The next step was to make hot fudge sauce. This, I found, was not simple. The first recipe I tried gave me something that quickly resembled, in both taste and appearance, a Tootsie Roll. I have nothing against Tootsie Rolls…except everything. I am not a fan. So having a medium-sized saucepan full of the stuff was not cool with me. After a ton of grossed-out expressions and loads of experimenting, I found the promised land.

Hot Fudge Sauce (makes about 12 ounces)

3/4 cup of cocoa powder

2/3 cup of boiling water

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of heavy cream

4 tablespoons of butter

1 3/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of light corn syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Stir cocoa powder and water to a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat and stir until you’ve got a lumpy mess. Stir in heavy cream, butter and sugar until dissolved and fully mixed. Add in corn syrup, stir until incorporated, and then let the mixture come to a simmer and stay at a slow boil– no stirring allowed– for about 5 minutes. Oh, and make sure to brush down the sides of the pan with cold water, to make sure sugar crystals don’t form. You don’t want crunchy fudge sauce. Do you? Really ask yourself.

Remove from heat and stir until smooth. Let cool slightly before tasting, because chocolate gets damn hot really fast.

You can pour this straight into a mason jar like we did and then spoon a bit at a time onto your sundae or straight down your gullet (we did both, and both are highly recommended).

Want to hear how good this was? Stay tuned! (Did that work? Are you intrigued? Be honest, it’s cool.)

Now, no sundae is complete without some whipped cream. Personally I’m not a fan of sweet whipped cream on sundaes, so I made this one unsweetened, light and fluffy.

Whipped Cream (makes a HUGE bowl of it)

1 1/2 pints of heavy whipping cream

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Keep a large glass or metal bowl in the freezer for about ten minutes before you start this thing. You’ll need a cold bowl to make this. Pour your heavy cream into your bowl and whip with a hand mixer on high until stiff peaks start to form. Add in vanilla extract and whip just until mixed.

And now on to the bacon. Well, ok, I suck at cooking bacon. It’s always either super burnt or unbelievably rubbery. Boyfriend rocked it, and was therefore in charge. I really have no idea of exactly what he did, but he did do something crazy special to the bacon. Maybe it’s a secret bacon recipe that he has. I’ll ask him if you want. We served about ten people, and therefore needed a package and a half of bacon (So, yeah, everyone got a lot of bacon. I know, I’m sorry I didn’t invite you. Next time!). Am I saying bacon a lot? I know I am. Well, cook, pat dry, USE.

So, a nice heaping spoon of fudge sauce, two scoops of French vanilla ice cream, two or three strips of bacon, a dollop and whipped cream, and yet another drizzle of fudge sauce later, how are we doing?

PRETTY.

FLIPPING.

AMAZING.

Sad schmad. We had a bunch of awesome people tell us that this was an amazing, amazing finish to a delicious meal.  I couldn’t be more pleased. Well, actually, at this moment, I guess I could. There’s a sundae just begging to be made, and I’m pretty sure the begging’s coming from this belly. BRB!

(Make this, ASAP.)