Cakes Classic Favorites Sort of Healthy

ANGRYPANTS! And Sweet Stuff Too.

That may have been the shortest title I’ve written in a while, and possibly ever. But, well, I kind of had a month-long silent breakdown.

What’s a silent breakdown, you ask? Well, it’s basically one in which you, well, I realize that Murphy’s Law can and will interfere with even the best best-laid plans. You want a Meyer’s candle? Well, screw you, we’re fresh out! You’d like a place to live? Ok, hand over your whole life story–dated, copied seven times and collated–and we’ll get back to you. Eventually. Maybe. You want to rent a U-Haul truck for your move once you find that place to live? Nope, sorry. Some lazy low-life is busy buying Scottish hookers with your credit card! (Yep, that really did just happen.)

And, you’re constantly being graded. Well, I am at least. Everyone’s got a number for me, from credit card companies to potential employers to doctors to family to people deciding where I’m going to sleep at night. Everyone is always grading and measuring and determining my worth, based on a scale of 1 to whatever and it makes me SAD. I’ve realized that the older I get, the more I am judged, and the more numbers are assigned to me and it makes me SAD.

Ok, I know, I’m whiny and annoying. This is actually what happens when you decide to refrain from complaining about everything for a week. You get all twitchy and irritated, because you can’t complain about how twitchy and irritated you are. Then your week’s up and you’re grumpy, tired and REALLY FRIGGIN’ HUNGRY FOR SOME SWEETS.

Now, on to the sweet stuff. There’s at least as much sweet stuff in this post as there is, um, unsweet stuff. For one…my boyfriend made me JAM!

THIS IS THE JAM HE MADE ME! The caps are obnoxious and extremely necessary because…LOOK HOW PRETTY!

So, we went to Vermont about a month ago and brought home this pear-vanilla jam that I became obsessed with. Then it was gone from my life (because we ate it all). Then, a few days ago, it was back in my life, for the dear wonderful man in my life had MADE it for me! And it’s amazing. I mean, do you know how long it takes to make this stuff? A long time! The effort, the taste, the everything about it made me cry, I was so happy.

On to more sweet stuff: we got a brand-spankin’ new and beautiful apartment! I can’t wait to move. It was, as some of you close readers may have gathered, an exhausting process, but we’re in and we’re thrilled and I want to hug everyone (except Stamos).

Are you sick of me yet? Please don’t be, because this next sweet thing is an actual, literal sweet thing. It’s angel food cake!

Now, I’m going to be honest: before making this, I was not a fan of angel food cake, probably because the only kind I’ve ever had was out of a box, and that box was kind of nastylicious. But, the boyfriend wanted some and I felt like learning something. So…here goes!

Angel Food Cake (makes one 9×5 loaf)

1/2 cup of egg whites, at room temperature

1/3 cup of granulated sugar

1/3 cup of all-purpose flour

1/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons of confectioner’s sugar

1/4 teaspoon of vanilla extract

So basically, I took a recipe and, thanks to my high school algebra class and a dearth of egg whites, cut it to a third. The original recipe that can be made in a tube pan (nope, still not entirely sure either) can be found here.

Preheat the oven to 350ºF and do NOT grease your 9×5 loaf pan. No, I’m serious. Leave it ungreased. Like, for reals, put the butter down homie.

In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour and confectioner’s sugar, and set aside. Now, in a large bowl, beat your egg whites on low using a mixer until frothy, about 2 minutes. Then, gradually add in your granulated sugar and increase the mixer speed to medium. Beat until stiff peaks start to form, about 3 or 4 minutes, then add in your vanilla and beat on high for an additional 20 seconds.

Next, fold the flour/sugar mixture into your egg white mixture and gently mix until all ingredients are fully incorporated. Spread evenly into your loaf pan and send into the oven for 35 to 45 minutes, until the top of your cake is browned and springs back when you touch it.

Ok, this is the sort of weird part…in order to really get that fluffy fluff, you need to set this cake upside-down on a cool rack for about an hour.

“This isn’t a rack, Sad Shibow!” Yeah well, I’m awesome/special/poor.

This is not easy. This is not easy at all. But if you can do it, do it. I will now show you what went down in my household once our hour was up.

Freshly-whipped cream sandwich loveliness
…Aaaand about five minutes later. No exaggeration.

So…hit? I think so. Well, I know so. There have already been requests for a remake, even though this thing has barely been gone for 24 hours. Sometimes the classics will just get you.


By Shibow

I bake. I drum. I love lamp.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s