Category: Chocolate Cheer

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Frozen Desserts No-Bake Recipes

It’s Summer, So We’re Trying To Eat Healthily. Scratch That. We’re Trying To Eat Bacon Sundaes.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on this blog talking about how sad I’ve been. Sad that I’ve lost touch with some people. Sad that I’ve trusted some of the wrong people in the past. Sad that I’ve been dissed and hurt for no particular reason. Sad that I’m not where I’d like to be in some aspects of life. Just plain old sad.

Well screw all that. Did you not see the title of this post?! There is bacon among us, people. Buck up!

Anyone want to play 6 degrees of Sir Francis Bacon?

So last week I took a few days off to relax. Some call it a “staycation.” I call it a “I’m poor and a little burned out, so I’m going to sit around and eat raisins and listen to an old Smashing Pumpkins record for a few days.” On one of those days, my boyfriend and I made a special trip to Burger King after hearing tales of a new dessert item: the bacon sundae. Believe it or not, it was bleeping delicious, and it needed to be made. Boyfriend had the seriously bright idea to concoct this creature together.

I’m writing this post the day after a spectacular rooftop barbecue we hosted. This means that I am sore, tired and a little foggy. This, I believe, also means the party was a success. Thanks to this lovely event and thanks to my tendency to go overboard dessert-wise, there will be a few posts on deliciousness related to this soiree. Yippee.

Now, we don’t have an ice cream maker, and apparently making ice cream from scratch without one is incredibly annoying. I don’t have time to be annoyed. I want a bacon sundae, and STAT! So, we bought French vanilla ice cream from, where else, Trader Joe’s. And, surprise surprise, it’s friggin’ amazing.

The next step was to make hot fudge sauce. This, I found, was not simple. The first recipe I tried gave me something that quickly resembled, in both taste and appearance, a Tootsie Roll. I have nothing against Tootsie Rolls…except everything. I am not a fan. So having a medium-sized saucepan full of the stuff was not cool with me. After a ton of grossed-out expressions and loads of experimenting, I found the promised land.

Hot Fudge Sauce (makes about 12 ounces)

3/4 cup of cocoa powder

2/3 cup of boiling water

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of heavy cream

4 tablespoons of butter

1 3/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of light corn syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Stir cocoa powder and water to a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat and stir until you’ve got a lumpy mess. Stir in heavy cream, butter and sugar until dissolved and fully mixed. Add in corn syrup, stir until incorporated, and then let the mixture come to a simmer and stay at a slow boil– no stirring allowed– for about 5 minutes. Oh, and make sure to brush down the sides of the pan with cold water, to make sure sugar crystals don’t form. You don’t want crunchy fudge sauce. Do you? Really ask yourself.

Remove from heat and stir until smooth. Let cool slightly before tasting, because chocolate gets damn hot really fast.

You can pour this straight into a mason jar like we did and then spoon a bit at a time onto your sundae or straight down your gullet (we did both, and both are highly recommended).

Want to hear how good this was? Stay tuned! (Did that work? Are you intrigued? Be honest, it’s cool.)

Now, no sundae is complete without some whipped cream. Personally I’m not a fan of sweet whipped cream on sundaes, so I made this one unsweetened, light and fluffy.

Whipped Cream (makes a HUGE bowl of it)

1 1/2 pints of heavy whipping cream

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Keep a large glass or metal bowl in the freezer for about ten minutes before you start this thing. You’ll need a cold bowl to make this. Pour your heavy cream into your bowl and whip with a hand mixer on high until stiff peaks start to form. Add in vanilla extract and whip just until mixed.

Is there such a thing as too much whipped cream? No, right? Yeah, I thought not.

And now on to the bacon. Well, ok, I suck at cooking bacon. It’s always either super burnt or unbelievably rubbery. Boyfriend rocked it, and was therefore in charge. I really have no idea of exactly what he did, but he did do something crazy special to the bacon. Maybe it’s a secret bacon recipe that he has. I’ll ask him if you want. We served about ten people, and therefore needed a package and a half of bacon (So, yeah, everyone got a lot of bacon. I know, I’m sorry I didn’t invite you. Next time!). Am I saying bacon a lot? I know I am. Well, cook, pat dry, USE.

So, a nice heaping spoon of fudge sauce, two scoops of French vanilla ice cream, two or three strips of bacon, a dollop and whipped cream, and yet another drizzle of fudge sauce later, how are we doing?

PRETTY.

FLIPPING.

AMAZING.

Sad schmad. We had a bunch of awesome people tell us that this was an amazing, amazing finish to a delicious meal.  I couldn’t be more pleased. Well, actually, at this moment, I guess I could. There’s a sundae just begging to be made, and I’m pretty sure the begging’s coming from this belly. BRB!

(Make this, ASAP.)

Categories
Cakes Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites

Caked Up, But Not Really, But It’s Really Good Cake

As I’d mentioned in my last post, I did not want to make this cake. There are so many reasons, but basically this unwillingness to bake boils down to a combination of exhaustion, laziness, and downright super sadness. I know this is supposed to be the blog in which I bake in order to rid myself of the blues, but I was too down to even get my ingredients in order.

So what happened, you ask? Nothing really, I guess. Like I’ve said before though, I feel like things have just stalled a little too much for my liking. I’m not really sure where my skills lie anymore, and after those Samoa bars turned out less than amazing, I started to even wonder whether or not I could successfully make anything. I know that sounds like quite the exaggeration, and I know that there are worse things than realizing you screwed up a Girl Scout cookie recipe, but lots of other things have happened, and lots of other things have not happened (ooo, cryptic), and and and… and I’m just a little down right now. Sigh.

I decided to try and engage in a little bit of online retail therapy to heal myself. Below is a brief timeline detailing how this worked out:

11:00am: What’s a shortcake basket? It sure doesn’t look like a basket. I guess it could be classified as a dozen little baskets nestled in one big pan. But I still don’t get it. I should buy it and find out what it is. Then I can blog about something I made using my shortcake basket. I am going to add this to my cart.

11:05am: I would look so cool in a bomber jacket. I should try to find a bomber jacket.

11:10am: I’ve got no right to wear a bomber jacket.

11:11am: I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller.

11:30am: What the hell is a shortcake basket and why is it in my checkout cart?! DELETE.

Yeah. So… let’s just make a damn cake.

This recipe was taken from an amazing Betty Crocker cookbook that three of my wonderful friends gave me as a birthday present last year. I cannot tell you how much I love this thing.

Chocolate Cake That’s Impossible to Screw Up Taste-Wise, But Very Possible To Screw Up Looks-Wise

2 1/4 cups of all-purpose flour

1 2/3 cups of granulated sugar

2/3 cup of cocoa powder

1 teaspoon of salt

1/4 teaspoon of baking powder

1 1/4 cups of water

3/4 cup of butter, softened

2 eggs

1 teaspoon of vanilla

Grease either a 9×13″ cake pan or two 8″ round pans and set aside. Preheat your oven to 350ºF.

And now, this is kind of why I love this cake: you just throw everything into a bowl and get mixing. Oh, you also put on an apron and/or your least-favorite articles of clothing. Lastly, you hide your very-neat boyfriend/roommate/parents/pet who would tremble at the sight of a chocolate-covered kitchen. Mix in a large bowl on high speed until smooth and creamy, then divide the batter evenly between pans. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into the center of cake comes out with a few crumbs sticking to it. Let cakes cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then invert them onto wire racks to cool completely.

Creamy Vanilla Frosting (makes enough to frost an 8″ 2-layer cake or a 9×13″ sheet cake)

3 cups of powdered sugar

1/3 cup of softened butter

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 to 2 tablespoons of milk, plus more milk than that because this recipe is trippin’ if it thinks all you need is a couple of tablespoons of milk. Just keep it nearby is what I’m saying.

As you can probably tell, I had some issues with this frosting. I’m sure there were screw-ups on my part, because it didn’t come out terribly fluffy. It tasted damn good…but still. Anyway, make sure your butter is REALLY soft. Using a hand mixer on medium speed, combine it with your powdered sugar until fluffy, then add in vanilla and one tablespoon of milk, then slowly add in your other tablespoon of milk if you think the frosting isn’t soft enough. I’m pretty sure you’re going to need more milk, especially since my frosting started to stick to my cake and YANK CHUNKS OF CAKE OFF. Grrr. Anyway, yeah, be careful.

Want to hear some more lame stuff that happened? Apparently I don’t know how to slice a cake horizontally, so mine looked a tiny bit jacked up. But let me tell you what you should do: pick one of your chocolate cakes to use as your bottom layer. To flatten the top of it, carefully and slowly saw through the very top using a serrated knife. Don’t just hack at it because you’re mad at life. If you’re mad at life and end up hacking at it a little bit, use your frosting to cover up your mistakes. Use a rubber spatula and get spreading. Top with the other cake, then spread frosting all over the cake. I can’t tell you how to do it so it looks pretty, BECAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT SO IT LOOKS PRETTY. See below.

Hot mess, wouldn’t you say? After frosting this, I had a bit of a meltdown and threatened to throw this cake into the garbage with the fake Samoas I had made, “so that these two failures could make sweet love in trashland.” Yes, I was angry. But do you know how angry I was after I cut into this thing and took a bite?

Wait for it…

….Wait for it

…I WAS NOT ANGRY AT ALL. I was only grateful that I decided to taste this thing before destroying it. It is, hands down, the best chocolate cake I have ever made. It’s soft, crumbly, chocolatey and well worth the effort. This is a go-to, fail-proof chocolate cake. Make this, dear friends. Make this, learn how to decorate it, and make me proud.

Categories
Bars Cakes Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Cookies

Sad Shibow Turns One! Let’s Celebrate By Failing Spectacularly At Something, And Then Celebrate More By Gorging Ourselves On Cake

Baby Fat Shibow's First Birthday

This picture’s from my first birthday. I’d never seen it before last night, and after viewing it I promptly burst into tears. Don’t ask me why. It’s been a weird year so far.

Wow. Just…wow. We actually made it. Can I be honest with ya’ll? When I started this blog one year ago today, I was in a crummy (or crumby, get it? Get it? Nyuk nyuk, I’m clever) place. I was physically and emotionally injured man, and I mostly began writing this thing because it distracted me from the hurt back and the hurt heart. I never really imagined that people would actually keep up with this blog, much less enjoy and (sometimes) look forward to it. So if you’ve read this blog, if you’re reading it now, if you’ve ever said a kind word about it, baked something you saw here or simply clicked on something because you saw chocolate and like chocolate, THANK YOU. Thank you for encouraging me to stick with this tiny little blog, and thank you for putting up with me. I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel for all of the amazing people and experiences that have made their way into my life in the past 365 days. Some have been because of this blog, and some have not, but all have shown me how lucky I am to have you guys.

Now, I need to be honest with myself, and with all of you: I am not a good baker. Well, I’m ok. But I’m not a great baker. I know great bakers. They work at places like Butter Lane, or they’re college students named Rhea Mol (HI RHEA MOL!). I recently came to this realization after attempting to make Samoa bars. The Girl Scout treats are #2 on my list of “Cookies That I’ll Need When The World Goes Dark And Only Five People Are Left But The Other Four People Aren’t Into Cookies So My Cookie Stash Is Safe.” Rainbow cookies are #1. Mint chocolate chip cookies did not make the list, and never will, FYI.

Anyway, I think I screwed these bars up something fierce, but my boyfriend claims they are actually really good. That’s why he’s my boyfriend. Let me tell you what I did, and then let me tell you what you should not do.

Things That I Did That You Should Not Do (Unless You Want Sucky Bars)

1. I halved the recipe. You should not halve the recipe.

2. I used Werther’s Caramelts, which are not the same as regular caramels, and are actually not very good by themselves at all. You should not blahblahblah…

3. I did not melt enough caramels, but then again it’s not like I had the right caramels anyway so I was already screwed. So you know what you should not do, right?

Cool. Let’s get to the recipe.

Samoa Bars (makes 30 bars)

For the shortbread base:

1/2 cup of sugar

3/4 cup of softened butter

1 egg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/4 salt

For the coconut-caramel topping:

3 cups of shredded toasted coconut (toast in a 325º oven for 10 minutes until browned)

12 ounces of chewy caramels, but don’t get cute and try to get fancy ones that aren’t real caramels

1/4 teaspoon of salt

3 tablespoons of milk

10 ounces of semisweet chocolate (you can use chocolate chips)

Preheat your oven to 350°F.

Let’s start with the base. Grease a 9×13″ pan. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Add your egg and mix until fully combined (you may want a hand mixer for this), then stir in vanilla. Add flour and salt, a little at a time, until the mixture is crumbly and grainy. Pour into your pan and press evenly. Send into the oven for 20-25 minutes until the edges have been lightly browned. Let the base cool in the pan for ten minutes, then remove and let it cool completely on a wire rack.

To make the topping, place the UNWRAPPED caramels (I had to say it because you just never know) in a large saucepan over low heat. Add in your milk and salt, and stir until the mixture’s fully melted. Remove from heat and fold in toasted coconut. This will be a workout for your arms. I should know, as I am now ripped. Plunk large heaps of this caramel mixture onto your cookie base with a rubber spatula, then spread evenly until there’s a thick, gooey layer.

Grrr. No, this is NOT what melted caramel is supposed to look like.

Cut into 30 bars.

To melt your chocolate, place into a large bowl over another bowl of simmering water. Stir until completely melted. Dip the bottoms of your bars in the melted chocolate, then lay on parchment paper so the chocolate hardens. Then, using a spoon or a piping bag, drizzle more melted chocolate over the top.

Ok, honestly, these weren’t terrible. But they’re not Samoas, mostly because I’m the opposite of a genius and can’t understand what caramel is, apparently. They were good, but not good enough to keep me from beating myself up over the fact that THEY’RE NOT SAMOAS.

The night after I made these, I decided to make a chocolate cake, to prove to myself that I actually could bake. Let me be honest though, I did not want to make this cake. I was so tired, frustrated and depressed due to some seriously crappy weather that I basically needed to force myself to start this thing. I was going to include that recipe here as well, but I’m thinking it deserves its own post, because it’s probably the most amazing cake I’ve ever made. It’s also, visually, perhaps the ugliest. Stay tuned?

So friends, here’s to another year of screwing up recipes and eating the crazy, crumbly, messy pieces of sweetness anyway. Stay classy. ❤

Categories
Brownies Chocolate Cheer

I’m A Brownie And I Had A Breakdown So I Made Brownies. Let Me Break It Down.

OH FRIED BUTTER have I been depressed lately.

It all started… well, actually, I’m not exactly sure where or when it started. I do remember that I had a silent, pretty solid cry when I realized there was a random (completely removable) stain on a dress I was planning to wear to work. I still can’t completely explain to you what had happened, because I’m not sure. But I am sure that IT SUCKED.

So, what’s it all about, man? Well, I hate not having any idea of where I’m going. I have a degree I don’t use and am not sure I’ll ever get the chance to use, and that upsets me. What’s next? Who knows. I sure as hell don’t, and that scares me to no end.  I know I shouldn’t complain since I have a good job and am surrounded by good people. But how do I not compare myself to all the other people my age–and even younger— who already know exactly what they want? So many of them have got it all figured out, and I’m stuck feeling, well, a little stuck.

This is here to break up the sob story a little and just because it needs to be here, because it needs to be.

To be a little more specific while still being annoyingly vague, about a year and a half ago I completed a graduate program that I’d hoped would lead me in a direction I was very prepared to commit to for the long haul. Then, thanks to budgetary constraints and various other pretty lame occurrences, the dream died and I felt like a massive failure. Sometimes I still feel a little dizzy just thinking about what went down, but I fortunately no longer beat myself up over all of circumstances that were out of my control. I always told myself I’d try again, though, and I have yet to make good on that promise.

Now, I know what you’re saying, and I might be saying the same thing to myself if I were you: “Shibow, those are some CHAMPAGNE problems!” And you’re right, they are. Like I said, I’m very blessed in many ways– more ways than I’ll ever be able to spell out in this post without boring you into a vegetative state– but I’m also Sad Shibow, dammit. I get to be SAD sometimes! So, to everyone I’ve neglected, ignored, cried in front of, elbowed in the face (yup) recently, this is why, and I really do apologize.

I needed comfort food, and that meant that I needed seriously fudgy brownies. Now, my very first post on this blog was about brownies. It was also about how a maniac kicked me in the behind. I’m pretty sure this is an appropriate time to try out another brownie recipe. Let’s try Fudgy Cream Cheese Cocoa Brownies.

Cream Cheese Cocoa Brownies (makes 16 large or 25 smaller brownies, maybe even more smaller brownies if you’re spatially challenged like I am)

For the chocolate part

1/2 cup of melted butter or vegetable oil

1 cup of granulated sugar

2 eggs

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

6 tablespoons of cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of salt

For the cream cheese part

5 ounces of cream cheese or Neufchâtel cheese, softened

5 tablespoons of powdered sugar

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a large bowl, cream together your butter and sugar until combined fully. Beat in each egg one at a time, then stir in your vanilla. Next, add the remaining dry ingredients in (Yes, if you choose to make these regular brownies and not add the cream cheese portion, you’ll have one-bowl brownies. Lazies rejoice!) and mix until fully combined. The mixture will be a little bit grainy at this point. Spread it evenly into a 8×8 square pan.

Now, in a smaller bowl, mix the cream cheese and sugar together until mixed. You might need to break out the mixer for this. Spoon big dollops of this onto your chocolate mixture…

…and then do a better job of swirling these two together than I did. Send into the oven for about 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into it comes out with a few crumbs still stuck onto it. Let these cool completely before cutting into brownie squares.

I think if I had been a little more patient with these, they would have turned out better. I’m mad at myself for not making the swirls prettier and more obvious, but I guess I should leave the fancy stuff to the real artists :(. While these were pretty yummy, and satisfied my need for something chocolaty, I still prefer the first ones I made. These were a little more cakey, which some people prefer, while the pure cocoa brownies were much richer. Since I’m not quite out of this slump yet, I think I’ll revisit those, and then keep revisiting them until this funk passes. It’s a tough life, this life.

Categories
Cakes Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Vegan Desserts

It’s Wiggity Wiggity Wacky Cake

One of the many ridiculous events of the past few weeks. Yes, it is a screen shot of a video that the boyfriend took of me driving a Uhaul. God I love technology.

You all have to deal with groan-inducing titles like this one because I have a case of the sniffles and can’t think clearly enough to come up with something awesome. Weeks of unpacking, cleaning, dusting and rolling around on not-quite-clean carpets in fits of delirium (this has not been an easy move) have finally taken their toll on my body. I would very much like to assume the fetal position and take a season-long nap on the couch, but I fear this will be frowned upon. Instead, I must soldier on, baking cookies and cakes to keep loved ones happy. Lord, am I brave.

I’m ill. Indulge me.

So, a couple years ago I found a recipe for something called a wacky cake. I felt a strange pull toward this cake, and can only assume its name and I have something in common. I’m not really sure why it’s called a wacky cake (it’s also known as a dump cake, but sometimes my brain is five years old and finds that name disgusting) but hey, let’s just go with it, man.

I decided to go with this particular cake as one of three desserts (and that’s me holding back, kids) that would be featured at our housewarming shindig for two reasons: 1. it’s easy and I needed something easy because I was pulling my hair out and slowly rocking back and forth while trying to figure out if I should roll clockwise or counterclockwise along the carpets, and 2. it’s vegan, and I know some awesome vegans. I also know some awesome non-vegans who had no idea that this sweet treat was animal byproduct-free.  Ha! How you like me now?

Oh, this cake is also very kid-friendly, as it contains both baking soda and vinegar, which, if you’ve ever done that 6th grade science project involving creating your own volcano (mine never worked!!! WHY?!), you know will fizz up and create some serious joy for very little money. And I am all about the cheap thrill. Wait…

Wacky Cake (makes one 9-inch round cake)

1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

1 cup of sugar

3 tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of vinegar

1 teaspoon of vanilla

5 tablespoons of vegetable or olive oil

1 cup of cold water

3/4 cup of non-dairy semisweet chocolate chips, optional (I used the Trader Joe’s brand)

Oh, the other great thing about this cake is that it’s made it one bowl. Easy clean-up! Yay! Anyway, preheat your oven to 350°F.

In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda and salt. Then, dig two small wells and one larger well in the dry mixture. Pour vinegar in the first, vanilla in the second, and your oil in the third.

It looks like a panda! Not really.

Then, pour cold water over the mixture, stir, and watch it fizz! Mix together until all ingredients are completely combined, then add in about 1/4 cup of your chocolate chips, if you plan on using them, and stir.

Send this into the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until a toothpick comes out with some crumbs stuck to it and the cake springs back a little when you touch it. Let it cool in the pan for ten minutes, then flip onto a separate plate and let it cool completely.

If you decide to make the chocolate topping (DO IT!), set the remaining 1/2 cup of chocolate chips in a medium-sized bowl over a pan of very hot water. Stir until totally melted, then pour evenly over the top of your cake. It should take about 45 minutes to cool and completely harden. Oh, I also tried to get fancy with it and make a little powdered sugar elephant stencil on top. You can see for yourself how that worked out below. Spoiler alert: it looks dumb…

…But it tastes amazing!