Category: Chocolate Cheer

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes Sort of Healthy Strange and Yummy

Bloody Delicious Red Velvet Hot Chocolate. I Like To Call It Angrysauce.

ROAR! I AM MAD SHIBOW!

That was pretty threatening, no? No? Oh. Ok, well, maybe I should just talk about my feelings. That’s supposed to be helpful. So late last Monday I was feeling achy and then randomly starting shivering really badly. Like, teeth-chattering, can’t-type-real-words badly. I left work, went to bed, woke up 13 hours later, and could barely move. I didn’t have a cold, I thankfully don’t have the flu, but I was pretty much crippled by some crazy demon disease that still perplexes me. I was in a world of pain that left me at home alone for two full, horribly boring and mostly TV-less (The light burned my eyes. Maybe I’m a vampire now?) days…and then it was gone. Seriously. Whatever hit disappeared as quickly as it had attacked, which left me a little freaked. On a possibly related note, any recent Stamos sightings in the area?

Being alone makes you sad. Don’t get me wrong, though, I fortunately had some lovely friends and family checking up on me periodically, but still. I spent a good deal of time laying in bed, getting to know the cracks in my ceiling better, and that really sucked. Being alone makes you sad. It also makes you want to paint your ceiling a different color.

I was more than happy to return to work on Thursday, and then MORE than more than happy when my cousin George surprised me Friday morning at the office with a peanut butter and jelly doughnut from Doughnut Plant. Oh. My. Promised. Land.

This isn't even the top of the doughnut. My brain was too focused on which corner to rip into first to turn this thing over.

So nice, right? George didn’t even know about my mystery illness when he brought me this square-shaped (Btw, the shape makes the distribution of jelly throughout the doughnut more even. Genius.) gift of amazing. It would have made my day anyway, but this was exactly what I needed to turn a bad week right around. Cousin, you RULE.

Things started to pick up soon after that. I succeeded in spending exactly five bucks on my Halloween costume yet again, and partied it up with the Sylvapotamus Saturday night, despite the fact that there was snow on the ground AND IT’S OCTOBER. Ridic. My camera punked out, but I was able to get a few snaps of our respective costumes in anyway:

Sylv was a pink slip!
Yes, I did go for the flapper outfit.

I’m still pretty winded from whatever it was that attacked me last week, and I’m also seeing red from all of the frustration that illness provoked. In honor of that, and this especially spooky holiday, I give you Red Velvet Hot Chocolate with a Cream Cheese Icing Swirl.

Ok, so this is something that I pulled out of the sky. I mean, I am sure it exists out there, and a quick Google search would confirm as much, but I’ll leave that up to you. This, I am going to base on my favorite hot chocolate recipe, with tweaks by yours truly.

Before we begin, I should tell you that this is not your typical hot chocolate, and not just because it’s red. This is a thicker hot chocolate with an almost pudding-like consistency. It’s also quite dark and rich, so if you like your hot cocoa Nestle-style, maybe this is a no for you. It should really be a yes, though. Just sayin’.

Red Velvet Hot Chocolate (makes 1 serving)

1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons of skim milk

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon of cocoa powder

1/3 tablespoon of cornstarch

1 tablespoon of red food coloring

Combine all ingredients except the food coloring in a small saucepan over medium heat. When the mixture starts to bubble and boil, add the food coloring and stir until blood red. Muahahahaha.

Bloody delicious...

In the meantime, let’s work on our single-serving icing.

Cream Cheese Icing

2 tablespoons of cream cheese

2 tablespoons of confectioner’s sugar

Mix in a small bowl with a hand mixer until fully whipped. Spoon into an icing decorator if you’re a dork and own one (I’m a dork and own one) or just scoop it into your cup with a regular ol’ spoon.

Pour the contents of your bloody saucepan into an appropriate mug–I’d go for an espresso cup if you’ve got one since these are small but potent servings– and top off with your icing.

So even I was a little shocked at how well this turned out. I was really impressed with how much a simple cup of hot chocolate could be enhanced by a little dollop of icing, but, damn, it could. And it was. I know you can’t really see much, but that’s because I own monstrously large cups for some reason, which makes no sense since I am so small I can barely reach the top shelves on any of my cabinets. Maybe I’m compensating. In any case, have a Happy Halloween, and stay out of trouble, kids.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Cookies

Love That’s Stuffed With Friendship (Ok, My Bad…This One’s About Cookies)

Yes, I do have leftover Oreos from the last post. And yes, I know I can just eat them. But did you really just come here to watch me demo how to properly eat a sandwich cookie? (Twist off, bite into the cream, re-attach, dip into milk, devour, repeat)

I decided to put this under the “Classic Favorites” category because I do consider Oreo cookies and chocolate chip cookies to be both classic and favorites. If you disagree, you know how and where to find me. I’ll win, by the way. I ALWAYS WIN. But can you imagine these two together? Can you imagine them Sumo wrestling and then deciding they didn’t feel like fighting anymore and just wanted to hug forever? If you can, you should probably keep reading, because I like your style.

This is what happened when I Googled "sumo wrestling cookies." You're welcome, readers.

A few months before I started this blog, my friend Anthony posted a link on Facebook that caught my eye. It caught my eye because it was basically a link to a world of greatness, of wonder, of amazing ideas. About an hour after viewing the recipe for Oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, I was whipping butter with sugar and laughing maniacally at what would become the treat that would cause my boss to proclaim, with a massive grin, “that thing was lethal. In a good way. But lethal.” Let’s do this thing.

Now, as I’ve mentioned before, I have my own chocolate chip cookie recipe that I’ve spent years developing, so I only really used the link above as a  go-ahead to do very bad things to Oreos. You’re free to use whichever recipe you please, and to be honest, the finished products in this link do look am-ahzing. Below is my personal recipe, which also kinda rules ;).

Chocolate Chip Cookies That Will Eventually Harbor Fugitive Oreos* (makes 9 cookies)

1 cup of all-purpose or whole-wheat flour (I usually use whole wheat)

1 teaspoon of baking soda

1 big pinch of salt

3/4 cup of butter, softened

1 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of dark or semisweet chocolate chips

9 Oreo cookies

*So the crime-scene title is inspired by some CBS procedural drama that decided to start filming on my block. This I find uncool, mostly because I assume they’re going to film the scene of the “incident” at the heart of the episode on my street, making it seem like I live in a sketch ‘hood. I mean, I kind of do, but why’s the rest of the world need to know that?

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a medium-sized bowl, sift together flour, baking soda and salt. In a separate larger bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Beat in the egg, then the vanilla until smooth. Then stir in the flour mixture and combine until a batter is created. Fold in your chocolate chips and get ready to get hands-y with this.

Before we get to pictures, I should apologize, since this isn’t my best effort photography-wise. In all fairness, I had a guest over for dinner while I was making these, and didn’t want to be rude, hence the hasty snapshots. I’m also just kind of lame.

Let these blobs be a lesson to you: refrigerate your dough, folks.

So, if you’re not into getting at least a little bit messy, this isn’t the recipe for you. Then again, if you’re not into getting a little bit messy, you picked the wrong site to bum around on, because I am all about the hot mess cookie process. Ohhh…the hot mess cookie. Future post, perhaps? Anyway, with clean hands, grab a handful of cookie dough and start covering an Oreo with it. Try to get the entire Oreo hidden so that it appears you’ve got plain ol’ jumbo cookies on your baking sheet.

While working on these cookies this time around, I discovered something that might make the rest of you decide to rename me Captain Obvious: you should really refrigerate the cookie dough for about 20 minutes before working with it. Otherwise you’ll end up with about 40% of the dough stuck to your fingers, and your dinner companion will laugh at you, not be impressed by you. This absolutely did happen to me. When you’ve got yours covered, send them into the oven for 10-12 minutes, until the tops are golden-brown.

Cookie supercontinent

Right, so, as you can see, these cookies spread a little bit. More like a lot. Basically, don’t be like Shibow, sloppily plopping jumbo monster cookies haphazardly onto a baking sheet. Leave a bit of space so that you don’t end up needing to use your awesome skull spatula, given to you by a lovely and deeply-missed former coworker named Julie (thankyouthankyouthankyou!), to wedge these apart.

Cross section (plus rad spatula!). Apologies for blurriness.

Bottom line: these are just as crazy delicious as you think they are. They’re also as big as my head. Need I say more?

Oh, one last thing: with Halloween coming up and my patience waning, I thought I’d ask for suggestions on what to masquerade as. Last year, I was Emo Lady Waldo, which is basically just Lady Waldo with a name tag that reads “Maybe I just don’t want to be found. Ever think of that?” That costume set me back five bucks, which is exactly how much red duct tape costs. I am creative. This year, I was thinking of either being a flapper, something random that I find at Target, or Waldo again. For the flapper outfit, I have a suitable dress, I just need a cheap boa or something, in keeping with my new tradition of using items I already own as costumes. By the way, should I be worried that I’m able to use so many of my everyday clothes as Halloween attire? And is there an awesome costume I’m not considering but should be?

Categories
Bars Chocolate Cheer Cookies

I Make A Pretty Mean Cookie Bar. Oh, Also, I AM THE WORST.

So originally this was going to be the post where I tell you about my fabulous weekend, which, in my world, started on Thursday with a killer TV On The Radio show in Brooklyn. The show really was fantastic, so much so that my throat was sore from yelling and my feet were pretty much numb from all of the crazy dancing I did. On Friday I finally started to get my running game back up after some major/minor/then kind of major again asthmatic issues, then celebrated by baking the delicious treats I’ll eventually get around to telling you all about. I handed out these treats to Sylvapotamus and several friends who were all thrilled with the free sweets. Here I am frolicking through the land doling out presents like Indian Santa, being the good little baker I am. Sounds great right?

Blurry ball of fire= awesome, awesome night.

Sunday, my friend Andrew was kind enough to invite me over to watch the latest Project Runway episode and the Giants game. I thanked him by bringing over beer and some baked goods. Then I thanked him again by smacking him in the face with a pillow and breaking his glasses–his only pair of glasses– in half. So just be forewarned: if you invite me over, I will bring you delicious sweets. Then I will destroy something you need, love, or need AND love. Oh, and the Giants lost, in case you’re not into football. These things may or may not be related.

I am joking about this, but I feel like a total tool. I mean, sure, he’s got contacts, but who breaks someone’s only pair of glasses? I am a bag of lame. I can only hope that the Dark Chocolate Crumb Bars I left him will tide him over until the next visit to the optician.

I know, I am killing it with the segues. I’m just going to get right into talking about the bars so that I can distract myself from thinking about what a monster klutz I am. They’re delicious. They won’t give you 20/20 vision, but they’ll make you smile. There I go again. 😦

Dark Chocolate Crumb Bars

3/4 cup of butter, softened

1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/3 cup of granulated sugar

Pinch of salt

1 2/3 cup of dark chocolate chips

14 ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 cup chopped nuts of your choice (optional)

1/2 cup of sweetened shredded coconut

Preheat the oven to 350ºF and grease a 9 x 13″ pan. Beat softened butter, flour, sugar and salt until you’ve got a crumbly/fluffy mixture that looks like this:

Press about 2 cups of the mixture evenly into the bottom of the pan and set aside the rest. Throw the pan into the oven for 10 to 12 minutes, until the edges are browned. Meanwhile, combine 1 cup of the chocolate chips in a small bowl with the condensed milk in either or in a small mixing bowl. If you use the saucepan, stir frequently over low heat until the mixture’s fully melted. If you go with the bowl option, microwave the mixture in 30-second increments, stirring in between, until the chocolate is melted and combined with the milk. Stir in the vanilla extract. Remove the pan from the oven and evenly spread the melted chocolate mixture evenly over the crust (make sure you’re using oven mitts while you do this…I’ve got ten burned fingertips that can tell you why).

Meanwhile, stir the nuts, remaining 2/3 cup of chocolate chips, coconut, and other random goodies you might decide to add in (M&Ms perhaps?). Spread this over the chocolate mixture, and bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the top looks slightly browned and the center is set.

The before.

Remove from oven and cool for about 10 minutes on a wire rack. You can then pop this into the refrigerator to cool completely before cutting into individual bars. You’ll end up with about 30.

Friends and family seemed to really enjoy them. They’re pretty difficult to screw up. I’d post pictures of some of my friends getting into them, but apparently I was too busy beating the crap out of all of them to snap photos. Maybe next time.


Categories
Bars Chocolate Cheer Cookies

I Make A Pretty Mean Cookie Bar. Oh, Also, I AM THE WORST.

So originally this was going to be the post where I tell you about my fabulous weekend, which, in my world, started on Thursday with a killer TV On The Radio show in Brooklyn. The show really was fantastic, so much so that my throat was sore from yelling and my feet were pretty much numb from all of the crazy dancing I did. On Friday I finally started to get my running game back up after some major/minor/then kind of major again asthmatic issues, then celebrated by baking the delicious treats I’ll eventually get around to telling you all about. I handed out these treats to Sylvapotamus and several friends who were all thrilled with the free sweets. Here I am frolicking through the land doling out presents like Indian Santa, being the good little baker I am. Sounds great right?

Sunday, my friend Andrew was kind enough to invite me over to watch the latest Project Runway episode and the Giants game. I thanked him by bringing over beer and some baked goods. Then I thanked him again by smacking him in the face with a pillow and breaking his glasses–his only pair of glasses– in half. So just be forewarned: if you invite me over, I will bring you delicious sweets. Then I will destroy something you need, love, or need AND love. Oh, and the Giants lost, in case you’re not into football. These things may or may not be related.

I am joking about this, but I feel like a total tool. I mean, sure, he’s got contacts, but who breaks someone’s only pair of glasses? I am a bag of lame. I can only hope that the Dark Chocolate Crumb Bars I left him will tide him over until the next visit to the optician.

I know, I am killing it with the segues. I’m just going to get right into talking about the bars so that I can distract myself from thinking about what a monster klutz I am. They’re delicious. They won’t give you 20/20 vision, but they’ll make you smile. There I go again. 😦

Dark Chocolate Crumb Bars

3/4 cup of butter, softened

1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/3 cup of granulated sugar

Pinch of salt

1 2/3 cup of dark chocolate chips

14 ounce can of sweetened condensed milk

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 cup chopped nuts of your choice (optional)

1/2 cup of sweetened shredded coconut

Preheat the oven to 350ºF and grease a 9 x 13″ pan. Beat softened butter, flour, sugar and salt until you’ve got a crumbly/fluffy mixture that looks like this:

Press about 2 cups of the mixture evenly into the bottom of the pan and set aside the rest. Throw the pan into the oven for 10 to 12 minutes, until the edges are browned. Meanwhile, combine 1 cup of the chocolate chips in a small bowl with the condensed milk in either or in a small mixing bowl. If you use the saucepan, stir frequently over low heat until the mixture’s fully melted. If you go with the bowl option, microwave the mixture in 30-second increments, stirring in between, until the chocolate is melted and combined with the milk. Stir in the vanilla extract. Remove the pan from the oven and evenly spread the melted chocolate mixture evenly over the crust (make sure you’re using oven mitts while you do this…I’ve got ten burned fingertips that can tell you why).

Meanwhile, stir the nuts, remaining 2/3 cup of chocolate chips, coconut, and other random goodies you might decide to add in (M&Ms perhaps?). Spread this over the chocolate mixture, and bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the top looks slightly browned and the center is set.

Remove from oven and cool for about 10 minutes on a wire rack. You can then pop this into the refrigerator to cool completely before cutting into individual bars. You’ll end up with about 30.

Friends and family seemed to really enjoy them. They’re pretty difficult to screw up. I’d post pictures of some of my friends getting into them, but apparently I was too busy beating the crap out of all of them to snap photos. Maybe next time.


Categories
Chocolate Cheer Cookies Easy Baking

I Hope You’ve Got Your Dancing Shoes…Because I Might Need Lessons :(

That’s not true. I inherited Almond Joycha‘s badass moves. But I have a confession. I already confessed to myself because I’m a Reverend now so I can hear confessions and stuff*, but I figured I’d share with all of you as well because I am generous. For this recipe, I made myself a baking playlist that consists of a bunch of fun dance-y songs by artists like TV on the Radio, Rihanna, Phoenix, and Britney. So I was dancing to “Break the Ice” while I was stirring the batter for today’s recipe when I tripped on nothing and set in motion a complicated series of crashes and crumbles that resulted in a broken shot glass and a counter completely covered in flour. I’m pretty sure I am going to live alone forever.

The days have been getting better. There hasn’t been a single raindrop in the vicinity since my last post (though I hear that’s changing…grrrrr), I’ve been going to a few very cool shows (and am heading to a TVOTR show this Thursday omgI’msoexcitedddd!) and am generally just trying to chill. That last one has been especially difficult given that my asthma has been essentially choking me out for the past couple of weeks, but all I can say is sucks to my ass-mar! If you know where that phrase is from without using the internets, I’ll give you some cookies. No joke. I’ll even mail them to you if we’re not close. But I’ll totally know if you cheated.

Anyway, I was sitting around with nothing to do, pretty dazed and lazed from a crazy weekend when my cousin Rhea texted to say she’d be rolling in with the cousins to hang out for a bit. I immediately went to work, because there is no way the fam is coming over to a baked goods-less house. I broke out this book, which I just call the Book of Love now. Sorry man, but I do. I flipped through for a quick, easy, sorta fancy cookie recipe and found just what I was looking for: Truffle Dough Cookies. Sounds classy, huh?

What they're supposed to turn out looking like according to the Book of Love (nope, never gonna stop calling it that). Stay tuned til the end of this post for results! I know you're excited.

Truffle Dough Cookies

1/4 cup plus 4 teaspoons of superfine sugar (I’ll explain)

1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons of all-purpose flour

3 tablespoons of cocoa powder

2 tablespoons of butter, chopped

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Powdered sugar for fancy dusting

Maybe you all know what superfine sugar is, because you’re smarter than I am. You’re probably smarter than I am, but just in case, let me tell you what I just found out: superfine sugar is not, in fact, the same as powdered sugar. Superfine sugar, also known as caster sugar, is basically sugar that’s 10x as fine as granulated sugar. Powdered sugar is, like, 1000x times finer than granulated. That’s quite a difference. And yes I did learn that the hard way, but my cookies still came out ok. They’ll just turn out better than ok if you actually follow directions. If you can’t find caster sugar, you can pulse the regular granulated stuff in a food processor for about a minute to achieve the same effect. I’m a loser so I don’t have a food processor, but I’ve got a birthday coming up and I’m hoping someone takes pity on my plight. I also really need a spatula. And a hug. Two hugs. Maybe just the hugs would suffice.

Anyway, in a large bowl using a hand mixer or food processor if you’ve got one, combine the sugar, flour, cocoa powder and butter, and mix/pulse until the mixture is crumbly and grainy. I decided to make these cookies right after cleaning my counters and kitchen floors, which is why I really hope you’ve got an enclosed food processor and/or are far more coordinated than I am. Then mix in the egg and vanilla until you’ve got a fudgey concoction, and throw this into the fridge to cool for about a half hour.

Now, preheat the oven to 350°F. Take out the batter and form into walnut-sized balls. Roll the balls in powdered sugar and lay them on a cookie sheet. The recipe said I’d end up with 20 cookies, but one of us was wrong and I’m fairly certain it wasn’t me.  Anyway, throw these into the oven for about 10-12 minutes (mine needed 12), then let them cool for about another ten. Once cooled, if yours don’t flatten, you can give them a tiny nudge, but if you somehow just don’t know you’re own strength, I’d skip this step.

My version!

So the cousins seemed to enjoy them, though I’m sure they’d enjoy them more if I learned what caster sugar was before making them and if I had a food processor and if…

Ah, whatevs. They enjoyed what they got, I’m just sayin’… if you can avoid the misstep I made, avoid it. They really did seem to like these cookies, which I’d show you photographic evidence of, but none of them wanted to take a picture with me. I’m pretty sure they’re ashamed of me. 😦

I did manage to snap a picture of Rhea’s little brother Jacob enjoying a bunch of them though. Enjoy the cuteness below.

*I like to call this “taking certain liberties with my writing.” I am not serious so please don’t confess things to me because if you killed someone and tell me I will freak out and cry forever.