Category: No-Bake Recipes

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Frozen Desserts No-Bake Recipes

It’s Summer, So We’re Trying To Eat Healthily. Scratch That. We’re Trying To Eat Bacon Sundaes.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on this blog talking about how sad I’ve been. Sad that I’ve lost touch with some people. Sad that I’ve trusted some of the wrong people in the past. Sad that I’ve been dissed and hurt for no particular reason. Sad that I’m not where I’d like to be in some aspects of life. Just plain old sad.

Well screw all that. Did you not see the title of this post?! There is bacon among us, people. Buck up!

Anyone want to play 6 degrees of Sir Francis Bacon?

So last week I took a few days off to relax. Some call it a “staycation.” I call it a “I’m poor and a little burned out, so I’m going to sit around and eat raisins and listen to an old Smashing Pumpkins record for a few days.” On one of those days, my boyfriend and I made a special trip to Burger King after hearing tales of a new dessert item: the bacon sundae. Believe it or not, it was bleeping delicious, and it needed to be made. Boyfriend had the seriously bright idea to concoct this creature together.

I’m writing this post the day after a spectacular rooftop barbecue we hosted. This means that I am sore, tired and a little foggy. This, I believe, also means the party was a success. Thanks to this lovely event and thanks to my tendency to go overboard dessert-wise, there will be a few posts on deliciousness related to this soiree. Yippee.

Now, we don’t have an ice cream maker, and apparently making ice cream from scratch without one is incredibly annoying. I don’t have time to be annoyed. I want a bacon sundae, and STAT! So, we bought French vanilla ice cream from, where else, Trader Joe’s. And, surprise surprise, it’s friggin’ amazing.

The next step was to make hot fudge sauce. This, I found, was not simple. The first recipe I tried gave me something that quickly resembled, in both taste and appearance, a Tootsie Roll. I have nothing against Tootsie Rolls…except everything. I am not a fan. So having a medium-sized saucepan full of the stuff was not cool with me. After a ton of grossed-out expressions and loads of experimenting, I found the promised land.

Hot Fudge Sauce (makes about 12 ounces)

3/4 cup of cocoa powder

2/3 cup of boiling water

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of heavy cream

4 tablespoons of butter

1 3/4 cup of granulated sugar

1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons of light corn syrup

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Stir cocoa powder and water to a medium-sized saucepan over medium heat and stir until you’ve got a lumpy mess. Stir in heavy cream, butter and sugar until dissolved and fully mixed. Add in corn syrup, stir until incorporated, and then let the mixture come to a simmer and stay at a slow boil– no stirring allowed– for about 5 minutes. Oh, and make sure to brush down the sides of the pan with cold water, to make sure sugar crystals don’t form. You don’t want crunchy fudge sauce. Do you? Really ask yourself.

Remove from heat and stir until smooth. Let cool slightly before tasting, because chocolate gets damn hot really fast.

You can pour this straight into a mason jar like we did and then spoon a bit at a time onto your sundae or straight down your gullet (we did both, and both are highly recommended).

Want to hear how good this was? Stay tuned! (Did that work? Are you intrigued? Be honest, it’s cool.)

Now, no sundae is complete without some whipped cream. Personally I’m not a fan of sweet whipped cream on sundaes, so I made this one unsweetened, light and fluffy.

Whipped Cream (makes a HUGE bowl of it)

1 1/2 pints of heavy whipping cream

1 1/2 teaspoons of vanilla extract

Keep a large glass or metal bowl in the freezer for about ten minutes before you start this thing. You’ll need a cold bowl to make this. Pour your heavy cream into your bowl and whip with a hand mixer on high until stiff peaks start to form. Add in vanilla extract and whip just until mixed.

Is there such a thing as too much whipped cream? No, right? Yeah, I thought not.

And now on to the bacon. Well, ok, I suck at cooking bacon. It’s always either super burnt or unbelievably rubbery. Boyfriend rocked it, and was therefore in charge. I really have no idea of exactly what he did, but he did do something crazy special to the bacon. Maybe it’s a secret bacon recipe that he has. I’ll ask him if you want. We served about ten people, and therefore needed a package and a half of bacon (So, yeah, everyone got a lot of bacon. I know, I’m sorry I didn’t invite you. Next time!). Am I saying bacon a lot? I know I am. Well, cook, pat dry, USE.

So, a nice heaping spoon of fudge sauce, two scoops of French vanilla ice cream, two or three strips of bacon, a dollop and whipped cream, and yet another drizzle of fudge sauce later, how are we doing?

PRETTY.

FLIPPING.

AMAZING.

Sad schmad. We had a bunch of awesome people tell us that this was an amazing, amazing finish to a delicious meal.  I couldn’t be more pleased. Well, actually, at this moment, I guess I could. There’s a sundae just begging to be made, and I’m pretty sure the begging’s coming from this belly. BRB!

(Make this, ASAP.)

Categories
Desserts with Fruit Easy Baking Frozen Desserts No-Bake Recipes Sort of Healthy Strange and Yummy Vegan Desserts

Deep Thoughts With Sad Shibow [Feat. Avocado Pops]

As you all know, life is rough. As you all also know, I often like to complain about how rough life is. I’m not going to bore you because I’ll seem redundant, and these days if you’d like a refresher on something I’ve said in the past, all you have to do is type some words into the search bar and find your prize. Alls I’ve got to say is that sometimes being an adult is no picnic. Every now and then it’s a ten-course meal at a five-star restaurant. But sometimes it’s just a bowl of cereal from that box of Cheerios you’ve had in your pantry forever.

Wasn’t kidding about those deep thoughts. 😉

Now, let’s be real. Last week was tough on me. In addition to dealing with life’s everyday stresses, I found myself coping with some rather unfriendly behavior from people I believed were in my corner. It was pretty heartbreaking, especially since it involved hurting not only me, but people I deeply love. And no one messes with the loves of Sad Shibow.

So, here I am feeling low thanks to some randoms trying to put together a Bollywood puppet show (Get it? Pulling strings? And I’m Indian? Deep thoughts!) when what do I see on Facebook but Butter Lane‘s latest Blogger of the Week, and it’s…

Sylvapotamus brought to my attention that this says “worldpress.” What the hell, I say, I’ll take it!

Me! You guys, they picked me! Now, this may seem small to a lot of people, and hey, it is sort of small in the grand scheme of things. But to me, it’s huge, and not only because this place has the BEST cupcakes I have ever allowed into my belly. So, what’s the big deal?

Half of the dozen cupcakes we picked up this weekend. You can’t still be wondering why I love this place so.

About a year and a half ago, around my 24th birthday, I was in a not-so-great place, for many many reasons. I was so down that I’d lost the desire to do pretty much anything I enjoyed, including bake. I happened to see something somewhere on the great many internets about cupcake classes at Butter Lane, and decided to woman up and book a class. It was so entertaining and enlightening that it made me finally want to get back into my own kitchen. When my boyfriend recently asked me why I loved the place so much, I told him that it basically made me grateful for things again. So…thank you, BL. DEEP THOUGHTS!

Ok, onto the make-stuff portion. Originally I was going to tell you all about the delicious, easy-peasy cookie dough ice pops I made. While they were, indeed, pretty simple to make, I found them to be kind of gross. This is not the fault of the author of this recipe at all. It is, instead, my bad, for believing that skim milk could, and should, always take the place of whole milk. In life, I’ll usually try to take the healthier route when it comes to my eating habits (I say “in life”  expecting you all to pretty much ignore every buttery post on here for a hot second). I do the whole wheat bread instead of white thing, the no-soda thing, boringboringblah you get it.  I’ve even convinced myself that I enjoyed frozen yogurt much more than I enjoyed ice cream. And while I do like to get my Yogo on every now and then, I recently discovered that I was, to put it as  eloquently as possible, trippin’. Ice cream > fro-yo. Who knows what else I’ve brainwashed myself into believing was right. Wait… so just to check… is steak any good?

Anyway, we’re dealing with another odorous NYC heat wave. Everyone smells like the aquarium (Why doesn’t anyone know what that smells like?!) and I’m super cranky all the time, so obviously you best believe I’m not going near the oven. Oh, and, we did kind of just buy and eat a dozen cupcakes over here, so we need something a teensy bit light. Let’s make avocado pops! Weird enough for you? In case they’re not, check these out!

Now, ya’ll know I’ve been meaning to make these forever, but I guess it got cold again before I could. So…yeah. Let’s just do this.

Avocado Pops (Uh, makes, like, a set number of pops, and that number is determined by what you decide to use as molds)

1 cup of water

1/2 cup of granulated sugar

2 small ripe avocados

Pinch of salt

2 tablespoons of fresh lime juice

I used paper Dixie cups, FYI.

Combine the water and sugar in a small saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring until the sugar dissolves. Let cool to room temperature. This is known as simple syrup, and can also be used for your boozy mixed drink of choice, should you be 21+ and need such information.

Meanwhile, peel and pit your two avocados, and mash the flesh in a medium-sized bowl until smooth. Add in salt and lime juice, then stir in your simple syrup. You can use a blender or mixer if you’re feeling lazy ;).

Pour into your molds and send into the freezer for at least 5 hours. I filled my Dixie cups about halfway, and ended up with five pops.

The night we first tasted these was an excellent night. There was champagne, an even split of the last Butter Lane cupcake, and a viewing of Blues Brothers (I’d never seen it! It was so awesome!). So, how’d these pops do?

Yes, those are toothpicks, which are actually useless. Do better than Shibow did, kids. Do better.

I loooooooved these things. LOVED them. They’re creamy, tangy, sweet and unbelievably refreshing. I’m sad I only ended up with five, but happy they are super easy, because these are being made again ASAP.

Categories
Classic Favorites No-Bake Recipes

Geez…Who WAS That Masked Intruder? Ah Well…Let’s Get Sticky!

Inside joke-y photo sent to me by Melinda. Words to the wise, kids.

Ok, guys, let me start with the big question: who was that whiny twit womanning this blog in the last few posts? I was reading them and was all, “What’s her champagne problem now? Let me save up my rupees and see if I can come up with enough dough to buy her the tiniest violin in the world.” I’m right, right? Such complaints this one had! Anyway, instead of yammering on and on, let me provide you with some quick updates on the Life of Shibow:

1. It won’t stop raining in New York, and I am PISSED, with a capital PISSED.

2. HOLGRAM TUPAC!!!!! I cannot stop talking about this. It will never cease to amuse me. Never.

3. Guess who landed herself in the emergency room! I’ve got no idea what happened other than it hurt like a mother to breathe and I spent a good three hours crying and lamenting the current state of the city hospital system begging to be discharged before some other stranger in scrubs started inexplicably poking and prodding me. It was hell. It was pure hell. But fear not, dear readers, after much fretting and hand-wringing it was determined that I will not, in fact, expire any time soon, at least not of an asthma-related meltdown.

4. BOY DID I MISS YOU GUYS! ❤

5. I am so sick of the NYC subway system. Just the other day, the doors to the F train shut while I was boarding and gave me a nasty arm burn. The next morning, a woman spilled her Coffee Coolata on me and then LAUGHED. The soulless slob of a beast laughed! I hate this city.

6. I got a Twitter! I sort of still don’t get it, but follow me anyway, please! Also, speaking of Twitter, and the NYC subway, follow this chap too!

I guess I did need a little bit of a break. Truth be told,  I am feeling a little better about things, and hopefully, should #1 cease to be true in the near future, I’ll feel a LOT better about things. I was able to muster up enough of a sugar craving/curiosity to want to try and bake something new and interesting, and finally decided on something so messy that I’d literally be stuck to it for hours and hours: marshmallows!

So, obviously, those jet-puffed creations that you wedge into your yams and roast over open fires every now and again are made by somebody. Still, for some reason it never occurred to me that they could be made by this body. Oh, but they can. And MOTHER are they messy.

Now, the great thing about these babies, especially if your sucky new-ish oven sort of reminds you of the ones you’ve seen at colonial houses on your sixth grade field trips, is that they’re no-bake. This, in my opinion, makes them yes-awesome. Let’s do it!

Marshmallows That Can Double As Part Of A Low-Budget Spiderman Costume…A Delicious Low-Budget Spiderman Costume (makes like 24 or something…you’ll see what I mean)

1 cup of water, divided

3 packets (.25 oz each) of powdered gelatin

1 1/2 cups of granulated sugar

1 cup of light corn syrup

1 large pinch of salt

1 tablespoon of vanilla extract

Confectioner’s sugar, for coating (you’ll need lots…and then a bit more than that)

Oh, also, if you’ve got a candy thermometer, it will come in handy. If you don’t, you’re me, and you like doing things the inconvenient way. First, lightly grease a 9 x 9 square baking pan with butter or oil, and set aside. Next, pour 1/2 cup of your water into a large bowl and sprinkle the gelatin over it, distributing the gelatin evenly. Leave it be… it will look super strange in just a few minutes.

See? Super strange.

Combine the rest of your water, and the sugar, salt and corn syrup in a medium-sized saucepan. Cook this mixture over low heat, stirring constantly, until the sugar has completely dissolved. Raise to medium heat and let the mixture come to a boil without stirring it. If you have a candy thermometer, you can insert it now. If you start to see some of the mixture sticking to the sides, you can brush down with a pastry brush that has been dipped in cold water. But DON’T stir. When the mixture registers at 240ºF, remove from heat and let it sit for one minute.

Boiling point. Pretty, huh?

Now, if you don’t possess a candy thermometer, this next step will be slightly tricky for you. Basically, you’re trying to get the above concoction to reach “soft-ball stage.” What this means is when a drop of the mixture is placed into a bowl of cold water, the mixture will immediately form itself into a soft ball. Since I refused to buy myself a thermometer because I am cheap and lazy, I used this method. It took about 5 minutes after the mix reached the boiling point to get to this stage.

Next, using a hand or stand mixer on low speed, slowly and carefully pour the hot syrupy mixture into the bowl of water/gelatin until fully incorporated. Then, gradually increase the speed to high and proceed to beat for about 10 minutes. Add the vanilla and beat for about 30 seconds longer.

If you have a hand mixer, I am you, and I feel for both of us. All I can say is that the result will be worth the effort, especially if you’re in a funk and need something fun and trying with which to occupy your time. Not pointing fingers, though if I were pointing fingers they’d be pointing at me.

Take your time with this one. At first you won’t believe it could look like the above, and then….oh…whoa…for real?! This will get Ghostbusters-crazy.

Immediately transfer the marshmallow-y goodness to your greased pan. I’m going to be honest with you: this will suck. Seriously, if there is a way to do this so that all of the marshmallow fluff stuff from the bowl goes into the pan, I know not of it. Get as much of it as you can in, then lightly wet your fingers and try to smooth the top out as much as possible. Let this stand uncovered at room temperature for at least 2 hours.

If you want, you can add all sorts of coatings to this– cocoa powder, cinnamon sugar, etc. For my first try, though, I decided to keep these classic. If you’d like to do the same, once yours are firm, coat your hands in confectioner’s sugar, then cut the marshmallows into squares with a scissor that is also coated in confectioner’s sugar. Cover the marshmallows in this sugar, as well. Seal in an airtight container.

Then you can feed them to your significant other, friend or family member, but only if this person is also covered in confectioner’s sugar. I’m just trying to see if you’re still paying attention. *Wink*

So, believe it or not, I actually made marshmallows! And even though this was the goopiest, messiest process ever, it was fun and relatively easy. Luckily, Mr. Master Of the Baking Arts was there to figure out how best to cut these suckers, because Lord knows I am no good with that process. These were even better on the second day! Also, there is nothing better than a s’more containing homemade marshmallows.  Best bad decision ever. 😉

Caused a hell of a mess in our toaster oven. And it was WORTH IT.
Categories
Chocolate Cheer Easy Baking Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes Sort of Healthy Strange and Yummy

Bloody Delicious Red Velvet Hot Chocolate. I Like To Call It Angrysauce.

ROAR! I AM MAD SHIBOW!

That was pretty threatening, no? No? Oh. Ok, well, maybe I should just talk about my feelings. That’s supposed to be helpful. So late last Monday I was feeling achy and then randomly starting shivering really badly. Like, teeth-chattering, can’t-type-real-words badly. I left work, went to bed, woke up 13 hours later, and could barely move. I didn’t have a cold, I thankfully don’t have the flu, but I was pretty much crippled by some crazy demon disease that still perplexes me. I was in a world of pain that left me at home alone for two full, horribly boring and mostly TV-less (The light burned my eyes. Maybe I’m a vampire now?) days…and then it was gone. Seriously. Whatever hit disappeared as quickly as it had attacked, which left me a little freaked. On a possibly related note, any recent Stamos sightings in the area?

Being alone makes you sad. Don’t get me wrong, though, I fortunately had some lovely friends and family checking up on me periodically, but still. I spent a good deal of time laying in bed, getting to know the cracks in my ceiling better, and that really sucked. Being alone makes you sad. It also makes you want to paint your ceiling a different color.

I was more than happy to return to work on Thursday, and then MORE than more than happy when my cousin George surprised me Friday morning at the office with a peanut butter and jelly doughnut from Doughnut Plant. Oh. My. Promised. Land.

This isn't even the top of the doughnut. My brain was too focused on which corner to rip into first to turn this thing over.

So nice, right? George didn’t even know about my mystery illness when he brought me this square-shaped (Btw, the shape makes the distribution of jelly throughout the doughnut more even. Genius.) gift of amazing. It would have made my day anyway, but this was exactly what I needed to turn a bad week right around. Cousin, you RULE.

Things started to pick up soon after that. I succeeded in spending exactly five bucks on my Halloween costume yet again, and partied it up with the Sylvapotamus Saturday night, despite the fact that there was snow on the ground AND IT’S OCTOBER. Ridic. My camera punked out, but I was able to get a few snaps of our respective costumes in anyway:

Sylv was a pink slip!
Yes, I did go for the flapper outfit.

I’m still pretty winded from whatever it was that attacked me last week, and I’m also seeing red from all of the frustration that illness provoked. In honor of that, and this especially spooky holiday, I give you Red Velvet Hot Chocolate with a Cream Cheese Icing Swirl.

Ok, so this is something that I pulled out of the sky. I mean, I am sure it exists out there, and a quick Google search would confirm as much, but I’ll leave that up to you. This, I am going to base on my favorite hot chocolate recipe, with tweaks by yours truly.

Before we begin, I should tell you that this is not your typical hot chocolate, and not just because it’s red. This is a thicker hot chocolate with an almost pudding-like consistency. It’s also quite dark and rich, so if you like your hot cocoa Nestle-style, maybe this is a no for you. It should really be a yes, though. Just sayin’.

Red Velvet Hot Chocolate (makes 1 serving)

1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons of skim milk

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon of cocoa powder

1/3 tablespoon of cornstarch

1 tablespoon of red food coloring

Combine all ingredients except the food coloring in a small saucepan over medium heat. When the mixture starts to bubble and boil, add the food coloring and stir until blood red. Muahahahaha.

Bloody delicious...

In the meantime, let’s work on our single-serving icing.

Cream Cheese Icing

2 tablespoons of cream cheese

2 tablespoons of confectioner’s sugar

Mix in a small bowl with a hand mixer until fully whipped. Spoon into an icing decorator if you’re a dork and own one (I’m a dork and own one) or just scoop it into your cup with a regular ol’ spoon.

Pour the contents of your bloody saucepan into an appropriate mug–I’d go for an espresso cup if you’ve got one since these are small but potent servings– and top off with your icing.

So even I was a little shocked at how well this turned out. I was really impressed with how much a simple cup of hot chocolate could be enhanced by a little dollop of icing, but, damn, it could. And it was. I know you can’t really see much, but that’s because I own monstrously large cups for some reason, which makes no sense since I am so small I can barely reach the top shelves on any of my cabinets. Maybe I’m compensating. In any case, have a Happy Halloween, and stay out of trouble, kids.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Classic Favorites Easy Baking No-Bake Recipes

I Married People! That Was Awesome. The Rest of the Week Was Not Awesome.

Grab your hankies, kids. It’s about to get serious up in here. I’d mentioned in an earlier post that I would be officiating two weddings as part of a Pop-Up Chapel. Welp, that day has come and gone. So how’d it go?

It’ll remain with me forever as one of the best days I have ever had. Really. The sun was out in full-force, Dave Holmes was MC-ing, and there were 24 lovely couples lookin’ to get hitched. Does it get any better? Well, maybe. I didn’t really sleep the night before, so I suppose the day would have been better if my sister didn’t have to deal with me making nonsensical observations about denim or randomly bursting into crazed fits of laughter. I somehow managed to pull myself together in time for both ceremonies, though.

I look like I'm sleeping standing up, right? I probably needed to.

If you want to read a bit on the day, you can click here and here. Yes, that is my mug in both, and no, I did not know that I would be featured. NY1 apparently aired two segments that I happened to be in (I officiated the first wedding) several times an hour on Saturday. I am so glad I didn’t know there would be that many news outlets at the wedding, because if I had, I think I would have stuttered and stumbled myself into one hot minister mess.  But man, did I love my couples! Both were adorable and incredibly loving with one another. Being the individual responsible for joining two people forever made me see marriage in a way I hadn’t really before. Who knows if it’s for me or not (sorry My Parents, but really, who knows), but now I think I  get why people do it. Rock on, marrieds! You’ve made me a believer. You’ve also apparently made me a hippie, judging by the philosopicals I now be droppin’.

So, while that Saturday was absolutely lovely, the rest of my week was not, for many reasons. I don’t really think on my feet, and the past few days brought me several back-to-back, rug’s-been-pulled-and-now-you’re-kind-of-screwed moments, which I’m assuming have contributed to my still feeling exhausted and dazed more than a week after the weddings. Sleepy Shibow = Cranky, Lazy, Sad Shibow. I needed sweets, I needed ’em quickly, and I needed ’em easy. So I made a cake in my microwave. And it took less time to make it than it’s taking to write about it.

Yes, you can make a cake in your microwave, and if you’re oven-phobic for the summer like I am, you should make a cake in your microwave. You probably already know about this if you had an Easy Bake Oven in the ’90s, but hopefully you’re a grown up now with a big girl appliance. Let’s be real though– this cake will serve a party of one, so all the better if you’re riding solo. Screw the calming cup of tea and have yourself a heaping mug of cake.

Microwave Chocolate Cake

1/4 cup of all purpose flour

3 tablespoons of sugar

2 tablespoons of cocoa powder

3 tablespoons of milk

1 egg

3 tablespoons of vegetable oil

The tiniest drop of vanilla extract

The tiniest pinch of cayenne pepper, if you like a kick to your cake

Easy as pie. Except it's cake. Whatever.

So, are you ready to make this sucker? Sure? It’ll take everything in you. Actually, it will take one free hand. Whisk together all of the above ingredients in a large mug. If I were you, I’d go in order, mixing all the dry ingredients first and then adding in the wet ones. And make sure the egg’s fully incorporated unless you’d like chocolate scrambled egg cake. That’d be new…and nasty.

Throw it into your microwave for two minutes or until it starts to puff up. The end. Oh, eat. Then the end.

I did stand in front of the microwave for the full two minutes, and I know my microwave window needs cleaning. I am bad.

So it’s a chewy cake, FYI. Remember how I mentioned Easy Bake Ovens? Well, that’s the sort of cake you’ll be dealing with, so if you’re into light and fluffy, this will not be your cup o’ cake. But if you’re cool with dense and rich and need your chocolate fix now, this will do pretty freaking well in a pinch. Next time I’ll probably add some chocolate chips for extra gooeyness. For now, I’m going to have a seat, a mug of cake and a good cry beer.

Here comes the choco-plane... I know that's not funny. 😦