Categories
Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Jams and Jellies Strange and Yummy

A *Very Special Episode* Of Sad Shibow, Featuring A Very Handsome Guest And…Jellied Black Tea With Cardamom (!!!)

Readers! The following is a post I am ridiculously excited to share. I think I’ve mentioned many times that my boyfriend James is kind of a genius when it comes to kitchen stuffs. As you’ll all see for yourselves, mama wasn’t lying. Enjoy, and I’ll see you all back here soon! xo – Sad Shibow

Hi people from over the computer,

Have you ever made Jell-o? Easy, right? Making Jelly is kinda like making Jell-o. You only need a handful of things, really: sugar, pectin, something you want to turn into a jelly, and one or two chromosomes that wear plaid shirts. Since we have all those things, and Sad Shibow let me near the stove Tuesday, we made some jelly from black tea. It was tasty! No kidding. We didn’t have any on hand, but I pictured its sweet jiggle on a Carr’s wheat cracker with some brie. Try it. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed at all. Now, before anyone gets nervous about the doyenne’s absence, know this: Sad Shibow will be watching over you as she was watching over me as I made this. You’ve all seen Star Wars. She’ll be like Obi-Wan Kenobi when he was translucent and blue-ish. But Sad Shibow will be translucent orange-ish and riding on a mid-sized Indian elephant with long eyelashes (Ed. note: All of these things are true. None of these things are untrue). Are you getting all this down? So, don’t quake. This recipe is for everybody. If you can make a cup of tea, you can make this.

Enough foreplay. Together let’s march … jellyward!

Stuff you need:

3/4 cup of sugar
2 tbsp powdered pectin
2 small saucepans
wooden spoon
cardamom seeds
1 lemon
3 bags of your favorite black tea
4 cups of water
glass jar with a lid
Strainer

Other stuff you “need” (for the countrified effect)

A screen, somewhere in your house, that needs mending and is letting in junebugs that are so big that your cat has to chew them for a full thirty seconds before she swallows.
A Straw hat
hyphenated first name (Sybil-May, James-James)
Becoming, at one time or another, a specific shade of green when coveting your neighbor’s new tractor (John Deere Green)
Very firm ideas as to how pie thieves should be punished

Directions:

Fill your small saucepan up with your four cups of water. Set it on the stove, boil it. Turn the flame down lower and put your three teabags in, taking care to strip them of their paper anchors. Cut a lemon wedge and squeeze a little of its juice in. Hull six or seven of the cardamom seeds and put them in there too. Let it all simmer for about ten minutes.

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After the bell rings for the next round, come out swinging, then strain the contents of the saucepan into your other saucepan. Take your lemon. Grind some zest from it into the pan. Turn the heat up again. Get a good boil going then slowly stir in the sugar. Mix it until the sugar disappears into the tea. Next, add the pectin. Stir that in until it disappears.

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At this point you should feel like a magician. Picture yourself in a top hat as you stir the rolling boil for a few minutes. This will cook it down some. Turn off the flame. If you have a funnel, set it over the mouth of your jar and pour the contents in. Fill the first jar up about 3/4s of the way, then put the rest in the other jar.

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Let them sit there and steam for a few minutes. When they stop steaming, put the lids on and put them in the fridge. When they finally cool down, they will turn into… part of breakfast.

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Jelly on brie. Highly, highly recommended.

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BLACK TEA CARDAMOM JELLY.

Forgive me, being here next to this warm oven with this group of even warmer people has made me a little emotional.

Blotting my eyes with the corner of a buttery napkin,

James

Readers, you loved him, didn’t you? I knew you would. This fella is also an extremely talented author of fiction. Please check out his work here: http://jamesvhilger.blogspot.com/.

Categories
Breads Classic Favorites Fancy Pantsy

Super Romantic-Romance Soft Pretzels. OK, I Dunno. I Mean, They’re Kind Of Heart-Shaped Right?

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Please do not let me be the only nerd who finds this hilarious.

Yeah, well you all know how I feel about Valentine’s Day. I basically wait patiently for February 15th and then spend the next week and a half hoarding deeply-discounted heart-shaped chocolates and laughing at all of the suckers who paid full price. I’m Sad Shibow, and I’m cheap and wild. Hear me roar [about this nothing “holiday”].

Yes, yes, I am happily taken now, and indeed we did have a mini-celebration last year. Honestly, though, we do random mini-celebrations all the time, and that particular day just gave us an excuse to eat extremely unhealthy treats for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and all of the hours in between these meals, since we were doing it all “out of luhrveeee.” But even when I was single I basically just ignored the whole day. Not in a “I’m a bitter old fool and you and your betrothed can go suck an unripe blood orange” kind of way, though. One year, it was more of a “I have the flu and very much feel like I am going to expire at any moment, and this feels like both the longest day and shortest year of my life, and also I currently have no concept of time.” That’s really the only V-Day I remember, and I can really only recall that one because my Dad had bought me a plush polar bear carrying a heart, which momentarily had me wondering if I was, in fact, about to croak. So, you know, it’s just a day.

That said, if you have people that you want to make lovey-dovey edible items for on this day, please do so. To be honest, I like the idea of these soft pretzels as an “I love you” treat because they’re subtly heart-shaped, if they’re shaped correctly. If you know me, you know that’s always a mission for me. Truly, there isn’t a stencil, cookie cutter, or one-on-one tutorial that could help me.

Oh, also, set aside a few hours for this. These babies take some real time to perfect.

Soft Pretzels (makes 8)

1 1/2 cups of warm water

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

2 1/4 teaspoons of active dry yeast

1 stick of butter, melted

1 1/2 teaspoons of salt

4 1/2 to 5 cups of all-purpose flour

Canola oil, to grease bowl

3 quarts of water

2/3 cup of baking soda

1 egg, beaten

Coarse sea salt

Cinnamon sugar, optional

In the bowl of a stand mixer, combine water, sugar, yeast and melted butter. Let sit for 5 minutes, then add the salt and 4 1/2 cups of the flour. You can use a dough hook for this if you’re stand mixer has an attachment, but I was able to just get down n’ dirty with clean hands and knead this into a dough. However you do it, make sure to knead until the dough is smooth. If the dough appears too wet, add in a little more flour until you have what you need. Knead into a ball, and place into a large bowl that has been generously coated with canola oil. Cover bowl with a clean towel until the dough doubles in side, about 1 hour.

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Bring your 3 quarts of water to a boil, and preheat your oven to 425ºF. Remove your now-ginormous dough from the bowl and separate into 8 equal pieces. Roll each piece into a long rope, then take one end and attach to the middle of the rope.

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Do the same with the other end, and you should get a pretzel-y shape.

Now, slowly add baking soda to your water. Be very careful with this, as when added too quickly, the baking soda will foam, bubble over, and uglify your stovetop.

Um... yeah. Ugly.
Um… yeah. Ugly.

Oh, you could also burn yourself. So, again, cuidado. Slowly drop pretzels, two at a time, into the baking soda solution, for 30 seconds. Remove using a slotted spatula. Place 4 pretzels on each baking sheet.

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Brush the tops of each pretzel with beaten egg, and sprinkle generously with coarse sea salt. (You can also add any other powder-y toppings you’d like, such as powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar.) Bake for 15 to 18 minutes, or until the tops of the pretzels are golden brown. Let cool on wire rack for at least 10 minutes.

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Ok, before these were done I was. Meaning, the whole baking soda boil-over kind of really pissed me off, and I took it out on the pretzels by neglecting them for a few minutes after they cooled. Isn’t that sad? I took my anger out on an inanimate object that I had just spent hours making. I really only came around when I saw my boyfriend picking at one and making strange noises. Since I’d kept things simple and stuck with salt as the only topping, we decided to sit down with a couple, pile on the mustard, and make strange noises together. Wait. No. Wait. We just really liked them. Even I was impressed at how well and professional-tasting these ended up being. Yum.

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My only real suggestion is to make these when you’re expecting guests. Specifically, exactly 8 guests. One is very filling, and these start to go stale after a couple of days, so it’s wise to either give a few away or find a friend with a bottomless pit for a stomach. Or, you know, just gorge yourself on these with the person you most like to make strange noises with.

Ugh. Sorry. Happy Whatevs Day!

Categories
Cookies Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Strange and Yummy

Booze Inside Of Cookies And Feelings Inside Of Sad Shibow. It’s A Share Circle.

Is it not a circle if I’m the only one sharing? Or is it the smallest circle possible? Should I keep pacing around in a ring as I share in order to make it a share circle? Can someone else join the share circle? Can preferably two people join in order to make this something that sort of resembles a circle? Ugh. So many questions!

I’d actually rather not pace around, especially since I’ve just had a few too many red wine cookies and I’m feeling a little bit strange. Also, walking and talking to myself would do very little to combat my feelings of loserliness (Yes, it’s a word now. I’m working on the Wikipedia entry as you read this). I honestly thought this would be the post where I chastised myself for all of the other incredibly emo posts that have made their way onto this blog in recent weeks. But then some crap happened.

One Monday morning a couple of weeks ago, I stepped off the F train, proud of myself for being very early to work, and immediately slipped, fell and landed on my knee. Now, it’s winter in New York, which means that in addition to picking myself up, I was carrying about five pounds of goose-down/furry hat/wool gloves/large and imposing boots. And yes, I say picking myself up, because the people of this great city are so amazingly generous that instead of even asking if I was okay, pretty much everyone around/behind me flashed me the same dirty move-peon-I’m-trying-to-get-somewhere look. So basically I limped to work as I called my boyfriend and cried about how much I hate everyone.

Now I know I’m not entitled to anything, including help. But I also know that if I saw someone who was obviously in some sort of distress, I would freaking assist. So I’m not exactly in love with New York right now. Other fabulous places of the world, please note that I am now accepting applications!

That isn’t the only bad thing that happened recently, either. It basically was just the fall that broke the brown girl’s figurative back (and literal spirit). I just would rather stop complaining now and start talking to you about these red wine cookies I made. Hide your phones, hand your car keys over to a designated driver and hang out: we’re getting boozy.

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Red Wine Cookies

1 stick of butter, softened

3/4 cup of sugar

2 teaspoons of vanilla

1/2 cup of red wine

1 egg

1 3/4 cup of flour

1/4 teaspoon of salt

Pinch of black pepper

Pinch of cinnamon

3/4 cup of semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat your oven to 350ºF. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until fluffy. Mix in vanilla and egg, then stir in wine. Add in flour, salt, pepper and cinnamon and mix until batter forms.

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Line baking sheets with parchment paper, then drop small tablespoonfuls onto the sheet, about an inch apart, as these will spread a bit.

Bake for ten minutes, then let cool completely.

Now, melt your chocolate chips, either in a microwave or in a saucepan over a bowl of simmering water (make sure the water doesn’t touch the saucepan at all, as this will cause the chocolate to curdle).  Spread chocolate on the bottom of one cookie, then sandwich together with a kind of similar looking cookie.

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Verdict? These are CRAZY. They’re crazy. They’re just plain insane…in the brain…of the cookie. I actually thought the booze would bake off in the oven, but it did not. After two of these, I was singing ridiculous ballads and saying very inappropriate things. So I’m totally serious when I say that you should proceed with caution when it comes to these treats.

Categories
Easy Baking Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts No-Bake Recipes Strange and Yummy Stuff Your Parents Would Like

I’m Brown. You Down? If Not, I Frown. (Basically, I’m Saying There’s Curry In This)

God, I’m such a poet. Right?

No?

Yeah…no. Anyway. I thought I’d try to lighten it up a little here since my last few posts caused some really strange and pitying looks/texts/Facebook messages/group interventions (kidding about that last one, don’t come near me, I’ll bite you).

Now listen here, you sweet, loving, concerned group of people: I am Sad Shibow. I cry a lot. Last Friday, I bawled over the last episode of Fringe. Then I re-watched the scene that initially had me in tears, and I lost it all over again.  I cried the other day because I can’t eat spicy food, and I really miss it. I’m a baby. But, you know, I’m fine. Ulcers suck, colds suck, the ongoing seemingly everlasting quarter-life crisis sucks. But life, overall, does not.

Methinks my change of ‘tude for this post may have something to do with this article, which I read this morning and can’t seem to stop thinking about. We can’t always be happy, but we can always try to find meaning in moments, however awful, or mundane, or wonderful or scary. So that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to remember that all of these things, these ulcers and conflicts and series finales and successfully baked goods, all of them mean something.

Is this getting weird? It is, isn’t it? No? I hope not. I swear, there’s a recipe in here too.  I just thought I’d get a little deep with you guys first, share some of my feelings, and also thank those of you who checked up on me after the last few posts.

Okay, so on to the real reason for that crazypants title: curry! Yes, there be curry in this sweet treat! And it is FANCY!And yes, I realize I am not supposed to be eating anything really spice-related. But ulcer be damned! This treat deserves my and your attention! Let’s get it, kids!

Your major players for today's game.
Your major players for today’s game. (Big up to Patel Brothers!)

Vanilla Curry Caramel Popcorn (I told you! Fancy!)

1 stick of butter

1 1/4 cup of brown sugar

2 teaspoons of curry powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon of baking soda

10 cups of plain popped popcorn ( made from 1/2 cup of unpopped kernels, if you’re making your own, which I really recommend)

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Line two baking sheets with wax paper and set aside. In a medium-sized pot, melt your butter over medium heat, then stir in your brown sugar, curry powder and salt. Bring the mixture to a rolling boil, stirring constantly, then step away and let this thing boil on it own for about five minutes.

Hi. Gosh you're pretty.
Hi. Gosh you’re pretty.

Remove from heat, and stir in vanilla and baking soda until combined.

Now, working pretty quickly, place popcorn in a large bowl. Pour your curry mixture evenly over the popcorn, then use a spoon to try to mix and coat the popcorn evenly. Ridiculous, I know. It is almost impossible to get this coated evenly, but, you know, try your hardest. You’ve all already aced the School of Sad Shibow simply by reading, so don’t go feeling all crazy if this part makes you want to eat your own hair (just me?).

Transfer popcorn to your baking sheets, spread evenly, and let cool completely. Then serve. And, well, be amazed.

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So, this is more of a group snack. I’d just like to say this because, um, I made this for me and my boyfriend, and after about six handfuls each, we both looked at each other and then at the bowl. It didn’t even look like we had made a dent. I mean, I made this about a month ago and still have some. So I guess it’s kind of like the Costco of desserts.

Oh, but that’s not a complaint. You have no idea how satisfying this stuff is. It’s spicy and sweet, reminiscent of caramel corn with a twist. A BIG twist. A very, very welcome twist. Just make sure that you’re either making this for a crowd or you have room in your pantry for enough leftovers to feed yourself until spring.

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Categories
Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Stuff Your Parents Would Like

Hi, I’m Sad Shibow, And I’m Kind Of A Mess. Let’s Have A Good Cry About It Over Some Cake.

BECAUSE I HAVE AN ULCER AND A COLD AND STRESS AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES AND…

How about you?

Yeah, so my feeling is the ulcer realized I was enjoying my pudding and ice cream far too much and decided to royally screw me by throwing a cold my way. Do you know what I like to have when I’m sick? Orange juice. Do you know what I can’t have due to my ulcer? Orange juice. Do you know what’s been calming my aching belly through this ulcer? Dairy products. Guess what I can’t have too much of when I’m sick? Well pudding and ice cream, of course! Do you know what really helps the constant headache that lovingly accompanies the common cold? Aspirin. And I think I can stop there.

Now, I know that FAR worse could have happened. I could have the awful flu strain that has plagued much of the country (Btw, any of you who do have it, I send you so many hugs. The flu is pure hell, and if there is anything I can do to help any of you through it, I will. Seriously, let me know.), and I am very grateful that I do not. I hope to continue to not have it. Please, powers that be, please. I already miss being pain-free. Please do not make me miss being mobile, too.

So, before all of this nonsense occurred, there was cake. Specifically, Christmas cake. Well, actually, there was nothing really Christmas-y about the actual cake, I just felt like waking up to it on Christmas morning, so..you know…Christmas cake!

By the way, three weeks too late, how was everyone’s Christmas? Mine ruled. I got a ukulele! It’s so perfect. I can’t stop talking about it/playing it (Sorry neighbors. But not really sorry, because I’m kind of terrible.) Also, I made the most amazing fritatta. I am so proud of this thing. Want to see?

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Ok, maybe I’m the only one who thinks this is amazing. Honestly I’m not feeling too wonderfully about myself these days, so hell, I’ll take what I can get. And if what I can get is a pretty-damn-delicious fritatta and a lemon olive oil cake, I’ll take both. And I’ll have seconds. And thirds. Don’t judge me.

Lemon Olive Oil Cake (makes one 9″ round cake)

4 large eggs

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/4 teaspoon salt

Zest of 1 lemon

Juice of 2 lemons

Powdered sugar for serving, optional

Preheat your oven to 350ºF, and butter and flour a 9″ cake pan.

In the bowl of a stand mixer or using a hand mixer, beat together eggs and sugar on high speed, until pale and fluffy. With the mixer still on, pour olive oil and lemon juice into mixture, then turn off mixture and gently fold ingredients together using a rubber spatula.

In a separate bowl, mix flour, baking powder, salt and zest, then gently fold into batter until all ingredients are fully incorporated. Pour into pan and bake for 45 minutes.

Let the cake cool in the pan for about 10 minutes, then invert onto a serving platter and dust with powdered sugar if you please.

I’m going to be honest with you: when this cake first came out of the oven, I “hmphed” at it and gave it the evil side-eye. It looked a little, well, drab. However, if you let it breathe for a bit (about an hour), you’ll get this:

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Need another look? Okay. You’ll also get this:

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Want to see again? How’s this:

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Um… gorgeous, right? I was pleasantly surprised. Boyfriend was in love with this thing. It really made an already lovely morning even lovelier. And honestly, as SOON as I’m all healed up, I am making this again. It was the perfect morning treat. It’s not terribly sweet or heavy, so you won’t feel disgusting first thing in the morning (at least not because of the cake. Sometimes I wake up a little gross, and eventually get down to acceptable by the end of day). Yum.

Oh, and by the way, I’m at sadshibow.com now! No more having to type in those pesky extra nine letters, fellow lazies! Woo-hoo for being mistress of my own domain!