Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Frozen Desserts Ice Cream Pies

They’re Laughing At Me. Not With Me. That’s Cool, Because I Have All The Ice Cream.

There’s this article and picture of a crying baby elephant circulating around the ‘nets. I briefly considered posting it here but…too sad, even for this blog. I think the elephant is crying because his wench mother keeps stomping on him and generally just hating on his greatness. You’re probably thinking that I’m about to say that I’m the baby elephant and the world is the baby elephant’s mother. I wasn’t going to say that, but if you were to think that you’d be totes right. MY LUCK SUCKS.

I could go on, but let’s just say that I’m worried and sad about moving, money and all of the people I love and miss and never get to see. If I haven’t seen you in a while, know that it’s not because I do not love you. It’s because the universe does not love friendship. 😦

And now to cheer you all up. Lately, as many of you have noticed, I have tried to position a random, usually uplifting/funny photo somewhere at the beginning of my posts. Today will be no different, aside from the “random” part. Once you’ve all caught your breath and gotten your bearings back, I’ll meet you after the below photo:

photo (1)

Are you good yet? You can thank me later for the incredible abdominal workout you got from laughing hysterically at the above. Just for the hell of it, allow me to explain.

When I was little, my very best friend at the time and I were, like most very best friends, completely inseparable. I wanted to do everything she did, and since she wanted to go to modeling school (Jesus Christ on a whole wheat cracker, I truly cannot believe I am sharing this), so did I. As you can see from the above picture in which I am apparently dressed like a miniature popcorn salesman–and yes, I did say salesman, thanks mom for the unfortunate pageboy haircut– with an affinity for People Magazine, I did not make it very far in the catalogue model game. Before you ask, no I have no idea where that outfit went, but I imagine it now resides in a special little nook in Hell. Special thanks to my dear younger sister for sending along this gem. Sylvapotamus, if you’re reading this, obviously you can name your price for the rest of these photos, because sadly I know there are more.

Whew. So. Now that I’ve lifted you all up, or at least made you laugh at my expense, let me depress you by reminding you that summer is pretty much just totally over. That’s insane, right? I still feel like I never even completely got a summer. Maybe that’s why I insisted on randomly making an ice cream pie just as the temperature started to drop. Whatevs. You’re going to want to, too.


Key Lime Ice Cream Pie (no ice cream maker required!)

adapted from Serious Eats

For the crust:

10 graham crackers

1/2 teaspoon of salt

3 tablespoons of sugar

5 tablespoons of butter, melted and cooled

For key lime ice cream:

1/2 cup of key lime juice (regular is fine if you don’t have key lime)

1 tablespoon of lime zest, plus a bit more for garnish

3/4 cup of sweetened condensed milk

1 cup of heavy cream

1/4 teaspoon of salt

Now, let’s start with your crust. Preheat the oven to 350ºF. In the bowl of a food processor, pulse together graham crackers, sugar and salt until powdery. Pour butter in and continue to pulse until a coarse meal is formed, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.


Transfer your crumbs to a pie plate and press evenly into the sides and bottom of your pan. Refrigerate the mixture for about 15 minutes, then bake for about 15 minutes until the crust is dark and takes on a nutty aroma. Remove and cool completely, then freeze until ready to use.


For your ice cream, in a large bowl, whisk together key lime juice, lime zest, condensed milk and cream. Stir until thick, which should take about a minute, and then salt the mixture to taste.

Pour your ice cream mixture evenly into the pie crust, smoothing out the top with a rubber spatula, and then freeze until the mixture is firm, 2 to 3 hours. To serve, allow the pie to sit out and soften for about five minutes, then garnish with more zest and serve this baby.


So this was AMAZING, obviously. It’s key lime ice cream. It’s ice cream sans ice cream maker. That cuts the time between me thinking about the ice cream and me making the ice cream in half. That also cuts the expense in I don’t know how many (math schmath), since ice cream makers are hella expensive. But yes, if you miss summer like I miss summer, you need this thing in your life. Immediately.