Category: Cookies

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Cookies Easy Baking

I Hope You’ve Got Your Dancing Shoes…Because I Might Need Lessons :(

That’s not true. I inherited Almond Joycha‘s badass moves. But I have a confession. I already confessed to myself because I’m a Reverend now so I can hear confessions and stuff*, but I figured I’d share with all of you as well because I am generous. For this recipe, I made myself a baking playlist that consists of a bunch of fun dance-y songs by artists like TV on the Radio, Rihanna, Phoenix, and Britney. So I was dancing to “Break the Ice” while I was stirring the batter for today’s recipe when I tripped on nothing and set in motion a complicated series of crashes and crumbles that resulted in a broken shot glass and a counter completely covered in flour. I’m pretty sure I am going to live alone forever.

The days have been getting better. There hasn’t been a single raindrop in the vicinity since my last post (though I hear that’s changing…grrrrr), I’ve been going to a few very cool shows (and am heading to a TVOTR show this Thursday omgI’msoexcitedddd!) and am generally just trying to chill. That last one has been especially difficult given that my asthma has been essentially choking me out for the past couple of weeks, but all I can say is sucks to my ass-mar! If you know where that phrase is from without using the internets, I’ll give you some cookies. No joke. I’ll even mail them to you if we’re not close. But I’ll totally know if you cheated.

Anyway, I was sitting around with nothing to do, pretty dazed and lazed from a crazy weekend when my cousin Rhea texted to say she’d be rolling in with the cousins to hang out for a bit. I immediately went to work, because there is no way the fam is coming over to a baked goods-less house. I broke out this book, which I just call the Book of Love now. Sorry man, but I do. I flipped through for a quick, easy, sorta fancy cookie recipe and found just what I was looking for: Truffle Dough Cookies. Sounds classy, huh?

What they're supposed to turn out looking like according to the Book of Love (nope, never gonna stop calling it that). Stay tuned til the end of this post for results! I know you're excited.

Truffle Dough Cookies

1/4 cup plus 4 teaspoons of superfine sugar (I’ll explain)

1/3 cup plus 2 tablespoons of all-purpose flour

3 tablespoons of cocoa powder

2 tablespoons of butter, chopped

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Powdered sugar for fancy dusting

Maybe you all know what superfine sugar is, because you’re smarter than I am. You’re probably smarter than I am, but just in case, let me tell you what I just found out: superfine sugar is not, in fact, the same as powdered sugar. Superfine sugar, also known as caster sugar, is basically sugar that’s 10x as fine as granulated sugar. Powdered sugar is, like, 1000x times finer than granulated. That’s quite a difference. And yes I did learn that the hard way, but my cookies still came out ok. They’ll just turn out better than ok if you actually follow directions. If you can’t find caster sugar, you can pulse the regular granulated stuff in a food processor for about a minute to achieve the same effect. I’m a loser so I don’t have a food processor, but I’ve got a birthday coming up and I’m hoping someone takes pity on my plight. I also really need a spatula. And a hug. Two hugs. Maybe just the hugs would suffice.

Anyway, in a large bowl using a hand mixer or food processor if you’ve got one, combine the sugar, flour, cocoa powder and butter, and mix/pulse until the mixture is crumbly and grainy. I decided to make these cookies right after cleaning my counters and kitchen floors, which is why I really hope you’ve got an enclosed food processor and/or are far more coordinated than I am. Then mix in the egg and vanilla until you’ve got a fudgey concoction, and throw this into the fridge to cool for about a half hour.

Now, preheat the oven to 350°F. Take out the batter and form into walnut-sized balls. Roll the balls in powdered sugar and lay them on a cookie sheet. The recipe said I’d end up with 20 cookies, but one of us was wrong and I’m fairly certain it wasn’t me.  Anyway, throw these into the oven for about 10-12 minutes (mine needed 12), then let them cool for about another ten. Once cooled, if yours don’t flatten, you can give them a tiny nudge, but if you somehow just don’t know you’re own strength, I’d skip this step.

My version!

So the cousins seemed to enjoy them, though I’m sure they’d enjoy them more if I learned what caster sugar was before making them and if I had a food processor and if…

Ah, whatevs. They enjoyed what they got, I’m just sayin’… if you can avoid the misstep I made, avoid it. They really did seem to like these cookies, which I’d show you photographic evidence of, but none of them wanted to take a picture with me. I’m pretty sure they’re ashamed of me. 😦

I did manage to snap a picture of Rhea’s little brother Jacob enjoying a bunch of them though. Enjoy the cuteness below.

*I like to call this “taking certain liberties with my writing.” I am not serious so please don’t confess things to me because if you killed someone and tell me I will freak out and cry forever.

Categories
Classic Favorites Cookies Sort of Healthy

I Am Sad Shibow. And I Blame Stamos.

And I thought last week sucked.

The past few days have been particularly rough on me. I got super-dissed by a certain someone whom I thought was a solid individual, I am stressing about my future, and I randomly cried the other day because I couldn’t find 51st street. I work in Midtown! How out of it must I have been?! Then I saw this on television, and it all came together:

STAMOS! This man, has, at various points in my short life, conspired with nature and my other enemies (I have many, but I count David Blaine and the cobra from the Bronx Zoo among them) to mess with me. I know you think I’m joking, but I am not. I distinctly remember being an eight year old nursing a broken wrist and watching Uncle Jesse smugly breeze through episode after episode of Full House. He and his perfectly functional arms and ridiculous mullet and creepy half-smile were constantly mocking me. I had one of the worst fevers I’ve ever had in 2006 (I only remember this because that was a BAD year) and recall being curled up on my couch mindlessly staring at STAMOS on an episode of ER. Guess what? That was a 24-hour bug! Really! I also remember weeping over a sad breakup last year to an episode of Glee. I don’t watch that thing anymore, and I bet you all know why. That girl who damaged my back and psyche? She’s probably related to him. The Stamos giveth, so the Stamos must goeth away.

At first I thought that maybe I would bake something with ingredients Stamos is allergic to, so I researched his IMDB page (No, I am not linking to it.). I found out he is a fellow drummer, so I am thinking he is trying to kill me off since I am competition. Then I realized that I was giving him too much power by doing all this research and decided to just make whatever I felt like making. I felt like making cookies. And I felt like making them up based on what I happened to have at my disposal, mostly because bad things happen when you go outside.

I have a bunch of those instant oatmeal packets that I bought last year for a dollar when I was really jobless and really poor. This brand is way too sweet for me, so I abandoned the whole box in favor of other cheap breakfast foods. I don’t believe in throwing out perfectly edible items, but I do believe in making cookies out of them. So I made up a recipe.

Week From Hell Instant Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

3/4 cup of butter, softened (I used Smart Balance for baking because it’s all I had. You can make fun of me later)

1/2 cup of brown sugar

1/2 cup of granulated sugar (I used turbinado sugar because I’m classy like that)

1 egg white

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1 cup of whole wheat flour

big pinch of salt

3 instant oatmeal packets that you know you have lying in a cabinet somewhere (I used 2 apples & cinnamon and 1 cinnamon spice )

1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips, more if you’re feeling crazy

Preheat the oven (whoa!) to 350°F.

So yeah, as you can see from the ingredients, I tried to make these kind of healthy. They’re delicious though, I promise. In a large bowl, combine butter, sugar and vanilla until mixed. Beat in the egg white, then add the baking soda, flour and salt until fully combined. Stir in each packet of oatmeal and get mixing. Fold in the chocolate chips and you’ve got your batter.

Drop tablespoon-sized portions onto a cookie sheet, and throw them into the oven for 11-13 minutes. 11 minutes exactly worked for me. Let them cool and then dig in. Mine were yummy, obviously. I had a couple as part of my balanced breakfast (I mean, there is oatmeal in them). They really perked me up until I found out that Mark-Paul Gosselaar was getting married to some chick who isn’t me. Yet another dark day.

Are you guys getting tired of my hand yet?

By the way, on Thursday I wiped out on a New York City sidewalk (thanks for stifling laughs while not helping me up, fellow pedestrians), and now my ankle really hurts. I shake my fist at you, Stamos! You’ll never break me.

Categories
Cookies Strange and Yummy

Sad Shibow and Friends Make One Smart Cookie

My friends are geniuses. I like to keep good company in the hopes that one day I will absorb these smarts through osmosis or telepathy or science or something. Remember what I said about trying to get smart? I need me some knowledge work.

Anyway, my friend Jeff has been wanting to make potato chip chocolate chip cookies, which are exactly what you think they are. The twins and I have a list of activities we are trying to complete before we all drop dead, and these cookies are pretty high up on the list. I’m not sure if we’re all convinced we’re going to expire by the end of the summer or something, but we’ve been making good progress on the list so far. This post got really dark really quickly.

Um…

Oh, also, the other night Jeremy and I went running (it’s this new “thing” I’m trying that involves Usher songs, an inhaler and a lot of trash talk about how awesomely fast I am) and then spontaneously decided we were going to buy a watermelon and fill it with vodka (this was also on our list). We cut a hole in the watermelon, stuck a bottle of Smirnoff into said hole, and waited a few days. Here’s what it looks like. I’m not going to walk you through the whole process. I’ll tell you why in a minute.

Basically the vodka is supposed to seep into the entire watermelon, so that when it’s cut up and scooped out, you get a sweet, spiked treat. That’s what’s supposed to happen. What actually happened was both boys got chunks of pure watermelon while I consumed globs of vodka that had the texture of watermelon. Then I gagged and completely freaked out. We’re pretty sure that the vodka only made it to the top halves of the watermelon. So maybe next time ladies do not go first.

Anyway, that sucked. What did not suck, on the other hand, was our crazy Everything Cookie. I don’t know what else to call it really. Aren’t there times when you’re sitting around watching The Soup and wishing you could shove those potato chips you’re chomping on into a cookie? Yes you do. And yes we did. And si se puede.

College staples.

See the above picture? That is basically the recipe for the absolute perfect cookie. Seriously, this took, like, hundreds of seconds of planning. Here’s what went into our process: the three of us rolled into Stop and Shop, called out junk food we enjoy, bought said junk food, debated buying beer too, decided not to buy the beer because we needed to eat our vodka watermelon (we didn’t find out it sucked until later), and stood in the checkout line looking like a trio of college kids aiming to pack on the freshman fifteen. Welcome to the good life. Let’s get started.

Everything Cookie

1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

3/4 cup of softened butter

1 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1 cup of semisweet chocolate chips

2 Almond Joy bars, broken into 1/2 inch chunks (Jeff’s absolutely genius addition, but if you’re not into coconut you can use your favorite candy bar)

3/4 cup of crushed potato chips (we used Kettle Brand Twice Baked Potato Chips, highly recommended)

3/4 cup of crushed pretzels

This dough’s going to need about an hour to chill, so wait to preheat the oven. Cream together the butter and sugar in a large bowl. When fully creamed, beat in the egg, then the vanilla. In a separate bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda and salt, then fold into the wet ingredients. When that’s mixed, fold in the chocolate chips and then go crazy with the chips, pretzels and Almond Joys. You can even shove your hand into the bag of potato chips and start crushing them over the bowl. I have a feeling I probably said something like “this is for my homies who couldn’t be here” while I sprinkled some over the bowl, because I am messed up like that.

Mix it just a tad more than this.

Chill the bowl of dough in the refrigerator for about an hour. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Drop tablespoon-size balls of dough onto a cookie sheet, then pop into the oven for 11-13 minutes. Cool. Eat. Repeat.

Fat cookies = happy cookies.

I don’t think I can adequately express how much I loved these cookies. These cookies were as good as the watermelon was bad. These were my Glen Hansard of cookies. If Kanye saw Chips Ahoy! getting an award for Greatest Cookie, he’d interrupt its acceptance speech to say the Everything Cookie was the best cookie of all time. Of all time!

Was that last one too much? Maybe it was too much. But it’s true. And I love me some Kanye references.

Categories
Cookies Sort of Healthy

As Usual, I am Way Behind (Or Way Ahead) So I’m Using Pumpkin

Last week I went to a pretty fantastic show at Rockwood Music Hall. The space is tiny, the sound is not. I saw Chris Thile & Michael Daves, a duo that’s just put out an album of bluegrass covers called Sleep With One Eye Open. I’ve written a couple of album reviews in my day. But I don’t really feel like writing one now, so I’ll just say it’s super good. Anyway, as the guys were walking to the stage, Chris Thile smacked me in the knee with his fancy mandolin case. You know how most people’s legs kick out when their reflexes are tested? My leg instead told my brain to call Thile a very specific and not-very-nice name. Sad Shibow: Making Famous Musicians Feel Uncomfortable Since Birth.

Chris Thile and Michael Daves. Oh, did I mention my flash randomly went off and probably blinded these two during the "serious song?" I am the worst.

I don’t think he heard me. The dude I was with claims he did, but I’m pretty sure he was just trying to stir up trouble for his own amusement. I hope. Maybe? Anyway, we didn’t stick around after the show to meet the guys/find out if they hated my guts. Instead, I went home, nursed my [perfectly fine] kneecap and decided to bake my embarrassment away. Worst segue ever, right? I just really liked that story, even though I probably shouldn’t. Sorry!

Ok, so, I still have, like, nine cans of pumpkin puree left over from Thanksgiving. While it would be completely safe/acceptable to wait until this Thanksgiving to use one or all of them, I’m not going to wait that long because I don’t feel like it. I do what I want. I call musicians names and stuff. I do what I want. And I want to make pumpkin cookies. When I saw this recipe for them, I knew I had the ok. Plus, the weather here has been deeeeepressingly cold and wet, so my brain’s not completely sure of the season.

Now, since summer is supposedly coming and since I’m trying not to go from Sad Shibow to Flabby Shibow, or Sad and Flabby Shibow, I decided to tweak this recipe a little to mayyyybe up the health profile I little. I know, lame, dumb, blahblahbutterblah, but it will still taste amazing. Pumpkin on its own contains an enormous amount of nutrients, including fiber, vitamin E and beta-carotene. But I’m not your health teacher. I’m your sad baking friend, so I’ll just stick to what I know.

Here’s what I did:

Pumpkin Cookies

3/4 cup of all-purpose flour

3/4 cup of whole wheat flour

1 tablespoon of ground cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of sea salt

1/4 teaspoon of ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon of ground cloves

3/4 cup of brown sugar

1/4 cup of maple syrup

1/2 cup of canola oil

1 1/2 cups of pumpkin puree

1 egg

1/2 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Have the oven preheated to 350°F. In a large bowl, mix together the flours, baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, salt, nutmeg and cloves. In a separate bowl, stir together the sugar, syrup and oil until fully combined. Stir in the pumpkin puree, egg and vanilla. Slowly fold the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients, and pop the batter into the refrigerator for about half an hour.

When cooled, scoop out tablespoon-sized amounts onto a cookie sheet. Bake the cookies for 12 to 15 minutes, until the tops start to crack and the cookies are firm to the touch, and:


I like to tell myself that I had a bowl full of multivitamins for breakfast this morning.

Boom! One bite of these had me wishing I were prepping for a Thanksgiving feast. Then I glanced out the window and wept, because it really is pretty crummy out.

Eating my seasonal depression away?

So no, even pumpkin cookies won’t psych me into thinking that it’s autumn and it’s supposed to look like death outside. But they will keep me company until the sun comes out. And I don’t have to feel too bad about indulging in these, since they actually are delicious, moist and not terribly bad for me. And I’ve got tickets to another Glen Hansard show this week, so I can continue my reign of unintentional awkwardness. Hooray. I’m great.

Categories
Chocolate Cheer Cookies Sugar Cookies

Sylvapotamus Gets Old…Which Means I Get Older

I’ve been trying to write this post for a while and can’t think of anything to say without getting choked up at the thought of my baby sister turning 21. To me, she’s still the bald infant menace who was determined to get her “nosey-nose” back after I’d “stolen” it off of her face hours earlier.

Sylvia rules. She’s my best friend and the kind of family I am really, really grateful to be stuck with forever. She’s the only person who’s allowed to call me Chuckie Finster, the only person who can tell me I look ridiculous in a fedora without making me cry, and the girl who insisted that the worst bad ex I’ve ever had was “probably off dead somewhere.” You may find that sick. I find that hilarious. So does Sylvia. This is why she rules. Also, this is why she rules (it was my Christmas present from her). I could go on, but this is not the Sylvia Show. Sylvia is the baby of the family, so her whole life is the Sylvia Show (sorry kid, I had to get one dig in there).

So, why Sylvapotamus? I’m not really sure. She’s thin as a rail, but the nickname and the thought of her face superimposed on a massive hippo with swollen hooves have always brought us to crazy laughing tears. Did I mention we’ve both got sort of a twisted sense of humor?

Anyway, to celebrate, obviously I have decided to bake for her. And before you call me out for being cheap, let me mention that these treats are just some of many awesome surprises in store for the little one. Onward!

So, just like with the twins, I scammed Sylvia into telling me what her favorite cookie was. And, just like the twins, hers happens to be the classic chocolate chip cookie. Now, for her 21st birthday, I had to amp these up a bit; plain ol’ chocolate chip cookies wouldn’t do. But maybe a giant chocolate chip cookie “cake” with her face plastered on it would. Bwahahaha…

Her face? Wha? Yes, there is a company that will print an image you send to them on an edible sheet and have it shipped to you. And I would totally recommend that if you decide to sort of creepily bake a cake with someone’s likeness smacked on it, you check with these people.

Anyway, let’s start with the cake. It’s basically cookie dough spread into an 8×8 inch round pan. I’ll tell you what I used, if you’re curious:

Chocolate Chip Cookie Cake

1/2 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 cup of whole wheat flour*

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 cup of brown sugar

1 egg

8 tablespoons of softened butter

Like, lots and lots of chocolate chips

Half a cup or so of chopped nuts, of your choosing, but I used pecans

*You don’t necessarily need to use whole wheat flour. I really like using it in cookie recipes because it gives the cookies a nuttier flavor. If you don’t have any on hand, you can just go with all-purpose flour all the way.

Preheat the oven to 350°F. In a small bowl, sift together the flour[s], baking powder and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together the butter and sugar. When fully combined, beat in the egg, then slowly fold in dry ingredients until a dough forms. When everything’s mixed, add in your chocolate chips and pecans.

Grease your round pan, and evenly spread the mixture and flatten the top as much as possible. Pop it into the oven for about 30 minutes, until the top is browned. Hopefully it’ll look a little something like this (Actually, it’ll hopefully look better, because you’re all awesome and I am mentally five sometimes):

Pretty cool, right? Cookie Monster would be proud. Why’d I just name-check Cookie Monster when Animal is my favorite Muppet? As a fellow drummer, I really don’t believe Animal gets nearly enough respect. Animal, let’s jam together sometime. Oh…um…

Since this is a cake, it needs frosting. Since I love cream cheese everything, it needs cream cheese frosting. You can find the recipe right here. Spread it evenly over the cookie, making sure to have it as smooth as possible if you’re placing an edible photo of your sister/dog/postman (I don’t know) on it. The instructions say to keep the edible print shielded from light until it’s to be used, so I left it inside of the Ziploc bag inside of the FedEx envelope in which it was delivered. I then cut it down to an appropriate size (be really careful handling it), peeled off the paper backing and slowly laid it on top of the icing. Then I added sprinkles because…whatever, because I did.

She's about six in this picture. All together now: "Awwww"

Oh, also, remember how her name is Sylvapotamus? Well, I found this rad hippo cookie cutter that I knew I needed in my life, and figured sugar cookies wouldn’t hurt. I must be trying to turn her into an actual hippo.

The recipe comes from this book that I have had for years and am currently obsessed with. You’ll need:

Classic Sugar Cookies

2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

1/4 teaspoon of salt

1 stick of butter, softened

1 cup of sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

Have the oven preheated to 375°F for these. Sift together the flour, powder and salt. In a separate bowl, cream together the butter, sugar, egg and vanilla. Mix with dry ingredients. To get this one to form into a dough, you might need to use your hands because there’s so much flour. Yay, hands, yay mess. Divide the dough in half, wrap each in wax paper and refrigerate for at least an hour. When you’re ready, pull out a half, and start pinching off sections to roll into about 1/8″ thick rounds. You can then cut these into adorable shapes, like I did:

One of these things is not like the others...

Pop these into the oven for 9 to 10 minutes, making sure to rotate the pan halfway through cookie to ensure even baking. Also, if you want, you can add icing to these to make them even prettier. I recommend royal icing, since it dries pretty quickly and will give these a nice sheen. Here’s a good recipe for it. I halved it to keep myself from having leftover icing for dinner. Sad, I know. Quarter life cri— ah, whatever. Here’s what I did:

Basic Royal Icing

1 egg white

1 cup of confectioner’s sugar

I left out the lemon because…eh. I didn’t want these to have a citrus-y taste to them, but you may do as you wish. Oh, also, I dyed the icing a bright pink because pink hippos and one lone pink elephant make me laugh. And I am assuming that since the sis and I are on the same wavelength amusement-wise, she’ll be tickled too.

I wasn't done spreading yet. Also, hippos have really uneven, dry skin, ok?

You can just dip one side of the cookie in a bowl filled with the icing, then use a butter knife to smooth off the excess. Give these about half an hour to completely dry, and you’re all set.

Dunzo. Can YOU spot the elephant?

Whew. This one definitely took some work and a bit of advanced planning, but it was all well worth it.

Happy Birthday, baby sister. I love you from this:


to this: to this: