Sad Shibow

Sorry For My Face. It’s Just My Face. Here’s Some Cake. There’s Booze In It.

Post author By Shibow
Post date November 24, 2014
No Comments on Sorry For My Face. It’s Just My Face. Here’s Some Cake. There’s Booze In It.

So it has come to my attention that I have a condition that needs addressing. No, it’s not my asthma, which I’ve had and unfortunately known about since I’ve been able to retain memory, though that’s decided to rear its ugly, suffocating head this weekend as well. It’s an affliction that seems to be incurable, unless I suddenly come into a significant sum of money and develop a desire to make nice with a cosmetic surgeon.
I have Bitchy Resting Face.

Ok, I’m messing with you guys. I totally knew I had BRF. I’m not a complete moron! It has, however, come up more frequently in recent days, which either means that a. I’ve gotten bitchier-looking as I’ve aged, or b. more people have been talking to me and have felt comfortable telling me I’m scary, which is probably impossible if I’m that scary, so it’s probably a. My bad, guys. I’m trying out a new eyeliner?

How I've been nursing the pain — How I’ve been nursing the pain

The brave few in life who have dared approach me fall into the category of My Boyfriend (there’s, uh, one person in that group) and Nice People Who Have Told Me My I Dropped My Cell Phone (there are a LOT of people in this group. The most recent is a dude who informed me of the dropped device, handed it back to me, proceeded to start a conversation with me, then proceeded to promptly end that conversation once he saw what he was dealing with. And I smiled, too!). Sometimes, I even try to make pleasant conversation with other people, and it fails. Yesterday I attempted to joke around with the nurse who was treating me (for the asthma, not my face, though that’s probably kind of an untapped market, no?) and she just… left? Then, whilst picking up my prednisone at Duane Reade, I decided to load up on Halloween Kit-Kats that were still on clearance (32 cents each!) and tried to be all self-deprecating with the pharmacist, who was NOT having it. I mean, you’re not really supposed to mix chocolate and asthma– why did you bestow this illness upon me, Baby Jesus?!– so maybe she was just being judgmental, but still. It’s totally my face.

How do you all deal with these problems, dear readers? It’s very difficult to make friends as an adult, that is a fact. It’s even harder when you’re workin’ with what I’m workin’ with. I’ve decided to try and push through it the healthiest way I know how: drowning my sorrows in booze. And booze-soaked cake. Also it’s almost Thanksgiving, and you all know I like this holiday a little bit, so we’re recipe testing. Also booze. For the soul. Maple Bourbon Banana Pudding Cake, anyone? Try saying THAT while you’re buzzed, amirite?*

Maple Bourbon Banana Pudding Cake

adapted from Food & Wine

6 tablespoons of unsalted butter

1/4 cup of brown sugar

1 overripe mashed banana

1 large egg

1 cup of milk, room temperature

1 cup of all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon of baking powder

Big pinch of salt

3/4 cup of pure maple syrup

1/4 cup of brown sugar

3 tablespoons of bourbon

1/4 cup chopped pecans, optional

1/4 cup of chocolate chips, optional

Ice cream, for serving, optional, highly recommended though

Preheat your oven to 375ºF. In the microwave, melt butter in a deep 2-quart baking dish. Stir in sugar and banana until combined, then whisk in egg and milk. In a separate bowl, sift together flour, baking powder and salt, then stir into baking dish until everything is mixed fully.

This is a dangerous mixture, btw. You'll be curious and will want to sip from this. Do not. It is the drink of the Devil. — This is a dangerous mixture, btw. You’ll be curious and will want to sip from this. Do not. It is the drink of the Devil.

In a microwave-safe cup or in a saucepan (you can do this in the microwave, high power for one minute, or on a stovetop, medium heat until hot), heat maple syrup, 1/4 cup of brown sugar and 1/2 cup of hot water. Add in bourbon, then drizzle over the batter (it will seep to the bottom, and it will be glorious, just you wait). Don’t stir it. Scatter pecans and chocolate chips on top, if using.

Set the dish on a baking sheet, then bake for at least 40 minutes (mine took closer to 50), until the top is golden. Let it cool for 5 minutes, then serve with ice cream if desired.

So, my feelings? Um, they’re mostly feelings of drunken happiness. More happiness than drunkenness, but there’s a significant amount of the latter in there, I think because I was sipping bourbon while this was baking. Why, I cannot tell you. Inspiration? Maybe I thought it would go well with asthma meds? That’s totally safe, right?

I mean, it may not look like much, but this thing packs a punch. It’s basically a cake-y top with a lovely, syrupy, lightly-bourbon-kissed pudding nestled underneath. If you’re trying to stretch your stomach in time for Turkey Day (um, I am) while inspiring your taste buds with fall favorites, this is the pudding cake for you. Oh, also, be over 21. There. A recipe AND a PSA. You’re welcome, America!

*Ya’ll know I’m kidding right? That’s super unhealthy. Pick up a journal, have some tea and have a good cry. Then call me in the morning. It’s better on the phone, you won’t have my bitchface to look at. Oh also I’m a little tipsy from, uh, recipe testing.

Tags banana cake, desserts with bourbon, Maple bourbon banana pudding cake, maple bourbon desserts, pudding cake, thanksgiving 2015

Cakes Desserts with Fruit Fancy Pantsy Grown Up People Desserts Holiday desserts Puddings

Sorry For My Face. It’s Just My Face. Here’s Some Cake. There’s Booze In It.

Post author By Shibow
Post date November 24, 2014
No Comments on Sorry For My Face. It’s Just My Face. Here’s Some Cake. There’s Booze In It.

I have Bitchy Resting Face.

Maple Bourbon Banana Pudding Cake

adapted from Food & Wine

6 tablespoons of unsalted butter

1/4 cup of brown sugar

1 overripe mashed banana

1 large egg

1 cup of milk, room temperature

1 cup of all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon of baking powder

Big pinch of salt

3/4 cup of pure maple syrup

1/4 cup of brown sugar

3 tablespoons of bourbon

1/4 cup chopped pecans, optional

1/4 cup of chocolate chips, optional

Ice cream, for serving, optional, highly recommended though

Set the dish on a baking sheet, then bake for at least 40 minutes (mine took closer to 50), until the top is golden. Let it cool for 5 minutes, then serve with ice cream if desired.

Tags banana cake, desserts with bourbon, Maple bourbon banana pudding cake, maple bourbon desserts, pudding cake

Cakes Chocolate Cheer Fancy Pantsy

Twenty Eight And Still Miraculously Kicking. And Screaming. And Baking.

Post author By Shibow
Post date October 21, 2014
No Comments on Twenty Eight And Still Miraculously Kicking. And Screaming. And Baking.

Lots of older people shake their heads wistfully, smile and gently say, “Well, it’s all downhill from here!” once I tell them that I’ve just turned twenty eight. I know it’s a joke, but I’ve heard it enough times in the past two weeks to be suspicious. Really, ya’ll? It can’t be that bad. Look at George Clooney! Hell, look at Flavor Flav! Flavor Flav has the best life ever.

Truthfully, there have been some sad times recently– too many sad times, to be honest– but, fortunately, also some very, very happy times. I’ve spent the past month or so struggling to weigh the great stuff against the horrible, and I realized that I have always had a serious negative bias. Are you shocked? That’s shocking, right? I’m trying as hard as I can to get rid of it, or, at least, shrink it to the point where you’re all giving me the shady side-eye and wondering what I’m on.

10407851_10100591720778807_2323208467289561150_n — One of those great things…

So that’s what I plan to do with this new year: be a little bit more positive. If you know me, you are laughing hysterically, given that I seem to have the unfortunate ability to turn even the greatest news (only when it comes to me, of course) into a complete nightmare. I assure you, I am changing. Slowly, very slowly, but I am trying. Even the negative events of late have put things into perspective, which is very necessary, given my tendency to sweat/cry/shake/cry/cry the small stuff. Here’s what I’ve realized: there isn’t time. There isn’t time to worry about my frizzy hair, or the almond milk I forgot to pick up, or the completely fixable minor work mistake I made. There isn’t time. And yes, I’ll still beat myself up over ridiculous situations from time to time, but now I’m also going to try to take as much time as possible to just be thankful.

First thing I’m thankful for? The invention of cake. Specifically, Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake. Yeeee-up.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake (makes one 3 layer 8-inch cake)

Adapted from Smitten Kitchen

For the cake

2 cups of all-purpose flour

2 cups of sugar

3/4 cup of unsweetened cocoa powder

2 teaspoons of baking soda

1 teaspoon of salt

1 cup of vegetable or canola oil

1 cup of sour cream

1 1/2 cups of water

2 tablespoons of white vinegar

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract or coffee liquer (I used the latter…awesome)

2 large eggs

For the peanut butter frosting

10 ounces of cream cheese or Neufchatel cheese, softened

2 tablespoons of butter

3 cups of powdered sugar

2/3 cup of smooth peanut butter

For the peanut butter chocolate glaze

8 ounces of semisweet chocolate, coarsely chopped

3 tablespoons of smooth peanut butter

2 tablespoons of light corn syrup

1/2 cup of heavy cream

So, as you can see from the above, this cake is a little bit of work. But, as you can also see… it’s a chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting AND freaking peanut butter chocolate ganache. So, you know, worth the couple of hours of fun.

To start, preheat your oven to 350ºF and butter and flour (confession: I use cocoa powder instead of flour because I’m wild like that) three eight-inch round cake pans. You can also line the bottoms with parchment paper, but since I didn’t have any I was able to get away with a generous buttering/powder dusting. Set aside.

In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt until totally combined. Stir in sour cream and vegetable oil and whisk until fully mixed. Stir in water, then blend in vinegar and vanilla. Lastly, beat in your two eggs until completely mixed in and batter is formed. Yes folks, one bowl. Be still my lazy heart. Divide batter among your pans and bake for 30 to 35 minutes, until a cake tester comes out with just a few stray crumbs on it. Let cool in pans for 15-20 minutes, then invert onto cake racks. I’m going to second Deb from Smitten Kitchen in saying that these cakes are very, very soft. If you plan on frosting them (and don’t think twice about it, you plan on frosting them), it’s a good idea to wrap these cakes tightly in plastic wrap and freeze them for at least half an hour. It will firm them up and make them much easier to work with.

To make your frosting, beat cream cheese and butter together in a large bowl, with a hand mixer or stand mixer on high speed, until fluffy. Add powdered sugar, one cup at a time, scraping the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula from time to time. Beat until completely combined, 2 to 3 minutes, then add in peanut butter and mix until smooth.

To frost, unwrap a cake layer and place on a cake stand/paper plate (I’m poor, guys). Top with a generous amount of frosting, then place another layer on top and repeat. Top with third layer, then frost top and sides. It’s easiest to frost the sides by doing a light “crumb coating,” where a thin layer of frosting is spread along the sides and top of the cake as a base. Then you can continue with more frosting layered on top of this base.

Lastly, we’re going to work on our chocolate peanut butter ganache. In a double boiler or in a bowl set over a pot of simmering water, combine your chocolate, peanut butter and corn syrup. Heat while stirring often, until the mixture is smooth.

Remove from heat, then whisk in heavy cream. Beat until smooth, then pour evenly over cake, like so:

Make sure to cover the entire top of the cake, then basically just wait for the goodness to drip down the sides. You can smooth the top with a rubber spatula, if you’d like, but I chose to keep things pretty rustic, because, um, I’m rustic and this was my birthday cake?

Refrigerate the cake, uncovered, until the ganache is firm.

Ohhhhh. Yeah.

So this cake was terrible. I mean it obviously was, right? After all of that work, and those weird ingredients no one ever puts together, how could this have been anything but a disaster?

Guys, I’ve eaten my weight in this cake. I should be embarrassed. “Should be” are the key words there, folks. Everyone who has had a piece of this cake has expressed nothing but wonder. It certainly rivals last year’s S’mores Cake and WILL be making repeat appearances in my life.

Tags best birthday cake, birthday cake, chocolate cake, chocolate peanut butter cake, chocolate peanut butter ganache, peanut butter

Fancy Pantsy Puddings Strange and Yummy

The Good, the Bad and The Awesome Plus The Awesome. (Popcorn Pudding, Guys!)

Post author By Shibow
Post date September 15, 2014
No Comments on The Good, the Bad and The Awesome Plus The Awesome. (Popcorn Pudding, Guys!)

This past week has been the kind of week that slaps you in the face, trips you while you’re eating a waffle cone dripping with a scoop of your favorite flavor of ice cream… then hands you an ice pack and buys you two scoops to make up for all of the drama… and then takes one of the scoops and hits you in the face with it. Feel me?

So, I wrote a piece for Bustle that I hope ya’ll check out. It’s my first published piece on a major website, and it’s full of references to my hometown, Queens, NY. So many people have already shared the piece and said tons of kind words about it (that would be the “ice pack and two scoops” portion of the week) that it has built my crap self-esteem back up, ever so slightly. I could not be more grateful, especially given that the first thing I’ve ever written that’s gotten some real attention is about a place that is very near and dear to me. Thank you to everyone who read/does read it.

And now, onward! Onward on so many things, I hope. I’m coming close to turning 28, and I think this is probably the first time in my life where I’m all “Oh. I am turning a new age. This new age feels a little bit weird to me. Twenty eight. Two, eight. Huh.” Maybe I’m finally coming to terms with my own mortality?

(Happy break. Ya’ll know this is my thing by now)

Doubtful. I think even-numbered years just weird me out (don’t ask, it’s an incredibly strange story), and this is the last even-numbered year I’ll have before I turn 30. And it’s not that I’m terribly scared of turning 30, I think I just assumed I’d have more accomplished by then. More published pieces, more friends, a house, fat children, a dream role co-starring with Mark-Paul Gosselaar in… something or other. But you’ve all heard this from me before. Perhaps you’ve even had similar freakouts and understand where I’m coming from. There’s a huge part of me– one that’s hung around for far too long lately– that has sort of wanted to retreat from the world until I figure myself out. I can feel myself thinking things like “just give me a couple more weeks, maybe years. Then I’ll finally open myself up to people. I’ll get it right! I’ll be back to my old self!” And I guess that’s palpable. I’ve just never learned how to not go through things alone, and I’m starting to wonder how sustainable my current method of [not] coping with life is, without a little help from some friends. So, welcome to my drama, guys. Bust out the popcorn.

Better yet, bust out the popcorn pudding. Yes, I said it. Popcorn. Pudding.

Popcorn Pudding (makes six servings)

adapted from Food and Wine

2 1/4 cups of milk (I used 1% and it worked wonderfully)

3/4 cup of heavy cream

1/2 cup of sugar

1/4 teaspoon of salt

1/4 cup plus 1 tablespoon of unpopped popcorn kernels (about 9 cups of popped popcorn)

3 large egg yolks

4 teaspoons of cornstarch

3 tablespoons of cubed butter

1/4 teaspoon of vanilla

salt, to taste

To start, if you don’t have a popcorn maker, you can heat 1 tablespoon of vegetable oil in a medium-sized pot over moderate heat. Add your kernels and cover the pot. Once the kernels start popping, gently shake the pot until the popping has stopped, which should take about three minutes. Set aside.

Now, in a separate large pot, combine milk, cream, sugar and salt over moderate heat. Cook until the mixture boils, continuously stirring in order to dissolve the sugar. Stir all but 1 cup (set aside this cup– we’ll use it later) of the popcorn into the mixture, then cover and let stand for about 10 minutes.

In a medium-sized bowl (yep, lots of dishes here, folks), whisk egg yolks and cornstarch until combined. Strain out the cream/popcorn mixture into a new pot, pressing gently to release remaining liquid. Dispose of the remaining solids.

I know... weird, right? — “The Remaining Solids” is also the name of my memoir

Bring cream to boil over medium heat. Remove from heat and slowly whisk 1 cup of cream mixture into yolk mixture. Pour this back into the saucepan. Now, over moderate heat, whisk the mixture just until it thickens and comes to a boil. Remove from heat again, and stir in butter and vanilla.

Transfer mixture to a baking dish, cover and chill for at least three hours. Serve with remaining popcorn as garnish.

It may not look like much, but… holy crap. HOW does it taste so much like popcorn?! I mean, I get it, the whole thing was soaked in popcorn goodness for like ten minutes, but still. That’s CRAZY. If you’re a fan of popcorn, you will love this. If you’re a fan of Jelly Belly popcorn beans, you will love this. If you think Jelly Belly popcorn beans are disgusting… you will still love this. I’m totally serious. It’s sweet and salty (especially if you sprinkle a tiny pinch of salt on top before serving, like I did) and very, very fun. My boyfriend was so amazed by this that he quizzed me constantly about how it was made (“Popcorn extract? Some sort of sorcery? DID YOU DRUG ME?”), and I would like to say that I told him to wait until the blog was up. But, it got annoying so I told him after about an hour. However, if you have more resolve than I do, and more friends than I do, you can totally serve this up to all of them and keep your lips zipped as to how this masterpiece was made.

Tags popcorn pudding

Cakes Desserts with Fruit

Mork, Mindy and Me (And Cake)

Post author By Shibow
Post date August 14, 2014
No Comments on Mork, Mindy and Me (And Cake)

Have you all seen this Inside the Actors’ Studio? I remember watching it when it premiered, and thinking MAN this guy is fast. It was the first episode of the show to be two hours long, and it was so long because James Lipton refused to cut Robin Williams’ FIVE HOUR long interview any more than that. Also, an audience member had to be taken away in an ambulance after the show due to a hernia from laughing so hard. I can see why.

I LOVED Robin Williams. I’d mentioned on Facebook that I was sick a lot as a child, and in the hospitals at night I’d watch Mork and Mindy on Nick at Nite. It was one of the only things I could stand. I was four, it was my first taste of Robin Williams, and even then I was in awe. Don’t even get me started on Aladdin, or Good Will Hunting. Good God, I am crying as I type this.

Depression is an ugly beast. I’ve gotten strange looks, I’ve gotten passive-aggressive comments, I’ve gotten laughs and jeers and everything but empathy for things I have published on this blog about the very matter of depression. I’ve had people tell me to dial down the talk about anxiety and depression, because THIS IS A BAKING BLOG AND THE BACKGROUND’S PINK AND SOMETIMES PEOPLE READ THIS. Mind you, the majority of the comments and feedback I receive are positive and understanding, but the ones that are not are really not. And they come from people whom, I suspect, have been fortunate enough to have never experienced the anguish and paralysis that comes with being utterly, frighteningly sad. I cannot and will not compare whatever I’ve experienced with what Robin Williams did; truly, none of us will ever be able to fully appreciate his pain, nor will we ever be able to make sense of his decision to take his own life. That is a deeply personal, scary, and very final decision.

(The above is probably NSFW/children)

People have asked me why I write about being sad so often. I hope it doesn’t seem like the only thing I write about, but it is an important part of who I am. It’s also a part of myself I had no interest in sharing with anyone for a very long time, out of shame and fear. I am thankful to not feel the need to venture to the depths that Robin Williams did, but I sympathize, and I do understand where that pain could take a person. It’s heartbreaking, and it’s even more upsetting to know that so many people think of depression and mental illness not as diseases, but as fundamental personal weaknesses that need to be stamped out and silenced. Depression is chronic, it is forever, it does not discriminate, and it begs to be understood. This is a terrible reason to have the spotlight shone on the issue of mental wellness, but if there is any good to come of the loss of Robin Williams, perhaps it’s that we can continue the conversation, erase the stigma, and come to truly understand one another.

*If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, suicidal thoughts, or simply need to speak with someone in a time of distress, call the Lifeline at 1-800 273 TALK.

With that, I know this is also a baking blog, and I did indeed bake something that I’d like to share with all of you. I won’t and can’t even attempt a lame segue. But you should absolutely set aside some time to make this cake, if you’d like.

Lemon Cornmeal Cake (makes one 9-inch round cake)

adapted from Epicurious

1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

1/3 cup of yellow cornmeal

3/4 cup of white sugar

3 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 cup of buttermilk or almond milk (I used almond since I ran out of buttermilk and it was amazing)

2 large eggs

1 tablespoon of lemon zest, from about one large lemon

3/4 teaspoon of vanilla

1/2 cup of butter, melted and cooled

Blueberries for heart-shaped corny corn factor, if desired

(If you’ve clicked on the link, you’ll note that I did not included the glaze or blueberry sauce, mostly because I thought this would work better as a breakfast/brunch treat and didn’t want it to be too heavy or sweet.)

Preheat your oven to 350ºF and grease the bottom and sides of a 9-inch round cake pan; line the bottom with parchment paper. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and salt. In a smaller bowl, mix together milk, eggs, lemon zest and vanilla. Now, gently fold milk mixture into flour mixture, gently working until batter is created.

Pour batter into pan and spread evenly (add blueberries if you like). I also sprinkled a bit of brown sugar on top just for fun… because that’s my idea of fun.

Bake for about 30 minutes, until a cake tester inserted into the middle of the cake comes out with just a few crumbs.

The blueberries nestled in quite happily.

Let cake cool for 10 minutes, then run a knife around the sides and invert onto a cake plate. Let cool completely. AND THEN DIG IN, BECAUSE THIS BUSINESS IS GREAT.

So, I wasn’t able to get a picture of the full cake on a plate because a good chunk of it mysteriously disappeared while I went for a stroll…

And then the next day when I checked on its progress, I found the above.

(I also found the culprit.)

Also, reposting this at the bottom in case it got lost above: *If you or someone you know is experiencing depression, suicidal thoughts, or simply need to speak with someone in a time of distress, call the Lifeline at 1-800 273 TALK.

Tags cornmeal cake, lemon cornmeal cake

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