Categories
Classic Favorites Cookies Holiday desserts

For Christmas This Year, I Got a Brand New Life. And You Got Some Gingerbread Men. Or Women. Or Amoebas.

*Note: This post was supposed to go up after Christmas and before New Year’s. Then, I found a new place, cancelled my internet at the old place, and escaped with my belongings “like a refugee,” as my boyfriend put it. Sorry for the lateness, even sorrier that it will be a while until I’m able to blog again. Lots of love and best wishes for the happiest year yet!

This just made me happy. That's the only reason it's here.

The new life thing’s sort of true. I did get a new apartment! It’s beautiful, it’s in a great neighborhood– so great that I have to call it a “neighborhood” and not just a “hood”– and it’s FOR REAL! Know what else is for real? Packing. Packing is real life, and real life is annoying right now. So, dear readers, it might be at least a couple of weeks before I’m able to bake and post again. I’ll be busy trying to wedge an enormous couch up the steepest, narrowest flight of stairs you’ve never seen (and never will, since you won’t have my new zip code suckas!). Oh, while I have you, if anyone’s willing to lend me any large, empty boxes and a large, empty van (shady!), I’ll happily bake you the treat of your choice.

Moving is very strange. It’s also a little scary. I’ve lived in the same apartment for three years now. I’ve lived in this same ‘hood for just about my entire life. Also, I’ve lived alone for a good chunk of that time, which will [happily] no longer be the case. Still, leaving this place has meant tears, drama, more tears, packing tape, Sharpie markers, and bawling. Tears. Everywhere.

It’s not that I’m all that sad to be leaving the ‘hood. But saying goodbye to something comfortable– even if it’s kind of smelly and comfortable– for something new, pretty and slightly more costly is incredibly trying. I think I’ve developed a Stockholm Syndrome-y relationship with my ugly rock-hard couches, because I’m going to miss them a tiny bit. I’m sort of worried I’ll just stress-eat everything in sight, which would eliminate any perishable goods before the big move. It may also eliminate the possibility of me making up that narrow stairway, though. Logic. I got it. In all honesty, I am very grateful to have so much newness at once in my life. It’s a lovely, surprising Christmas gift. (But I still hate Christmas.)

Anyway, before I take this little mini-hiatus, let me leave you with something classic: Gingerbread Folks!

Gingerbread Folks (makes 24 cookies)

1/2 cup of brown sugar

1/2 cup of molasses (light or dark, I used dark)

2 teaspoons of ground ginger

1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

1/2 teaspoon of ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon of black pepper

2 teaspoons of baking soda

1/2 cup of butter, cut into chunks

1 large egg

3 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour

Combine molasses, sugar and spices in a large saucepan over medium heat. Stir just until the mixture begins to boil, then remove from heat. Stir in baking soda, and bring over the kiddies, because the mixture will start to balloon and do this:

Ginger Bread Stay Puft Man. I wish there were video.

It looks cooler in person, trust. Stir in butter, egg and flour until the mixture forms a dough. Divide in half, and wrap one section in plastic and set aside while you work with the other. With a floured rolling pin, flatten out the dough to about a 1/4 inch thickness, then start cutting out gingerbread dudes/ladies as you wish. Re-roll the excess and continue to make cutouts until all the dough runs out. Lay cookies flat about 1/2 inch apart on a cookie sheet.

Preheat the oven to 325°F. When fully heated, throw the cookies in the oven for about 12 minutes, until the edges are browned. Let cool completely before frosting…should you decide to frost. And if you should decide to frost, keep reading!

Royal Icing

4 egg whites

4 cups of confectioners’ sugar

Beat egg whites and sugar in a large bowl until fully combined and glossy. Dip one side of each cookie into the icing, then use a butter knife to spread evenly. Decorate as you wish (I used mini chocolate chips and M&Ms in case you decide to copy me because of how cool I obviously am), then leave to dry for 15-20 minutes.

Now, I’m not usually a fan of things that aren’t chocolate based, chocolate filled, and just plain chocolate. But man, gingerbread cookies are what’s UP this time of year! Classic sometimes just can’t be beat. So, while I take this mini-vacay to adjust to a new living situation, please enjoy this timeless sweet. See you next year, kids!

Categories
Cookies Easy Baking Holiday desserts

You’re A Mean One, Sad Shibow

Right, Dove Chocolate? No wonder you and I are so cool with each other. One love.

As I’ve mentioned, I hate Christmas. I hate it for so many reasons that I can’t even fully articulate. I don’t really remember the last “great Christmas” I had.  I do, however, remember the Christmas where I was stuck in a hospital bed playing with a “Joy” (ha!) ornament my aunt had given me while a nebulizer was attached to my four year old face. I also remember the year I somehow contracted a weird stomach virus that left me unable to eat anything– specifically cookies, the only good part of this holiday, WTF– for a solid few days after December 25th. The worst. The WORST!

Here’s what I really hate about this holiday: people just aren’t that nice anymore. There’s too much of a focus on things, on checking off items/people on lists, on stampedes. And the Macy’s at Herald Square just completely freaks me out in December. Have you seen the Santa at Santaland? He wears like three different shades of eyeshadow! That’s just scary.

Okay, I am well aware of the fact that I just had an Andy Rooney-level super-grinch moment. I actually do a pretty solid Andy Rooney impression, by the way. But I don’t completely hate Christmas. Honestly, I get a kick out of shopping for all of the kids in the family, and my stone-cold heart grows to three times its size (is that how it goes?) when I get to deliver their gifts straight to their doors. I love picking out presents for people I love. I love knowing that some people have done the same for me, of their own volition. So maybe it’s just the commercials that bother me– the ones filled with countdowns to Christmas and ungrateful teenagers demanding certain gifts and scoffing at others (C’mon eBay!). And maybe there have been a few isolated incidents that have happened over the years, during this holiday, because of this holiday, that have soured it for me. Or maybe it’s just New York City, which I’m slowly starting to want to punch a little bit. But hey, I do know how to have a little fun:

Andy Rooney wouldn't be caught de-- oh. Never mind.

Whatever my reasons, I know what I do like about this time of year: COOKIES! SO. MANY. COOKIES! And these particular, pretty easy ones have been quite a hit with guests. Behold, the lacy oatmeal sandwich cookie! These are delicious, thin and crispy oatmeal cookies that can be– should be– spread with a thin layer of melted chocolate and sandwiched together. I mean, you can just leave them alone…but why?

Lacy Oatmeal Sandwich Cookie (makes 40 cookies or 20 sandwich cookies)

1 cup of quick cooking or old-fashioned oats (I used old-fashioned because I am your grandpa I guess)

1/4 cup of all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 1/2 teaspoons of baking powder

1 cup of brown sugar

1/2 cup of butter, softened

1 egg

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

1/2 cup of dark chocolate chips, melted (If you choose to make these sandwich cookies. You should choose to make these sandwich cookies.)

Preheat the oven to 325°F and line two baking sheets with wax paper. In a medium bowl, combine oats, flour, salt and baking powder. In a larger bowl, mix together sugar, butter, egg and vanilla. Stir in flour/oat mixture until just combined.

Then drop teaspoon-sized balls onto baking sheets. Make sure to use an actual teaspoon for these, to ensure even baking, and leave enough room for these to spread out and flatten.

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes (make sure to check on them at the ten-minute mark, since mine were done by then), then let cool completely before peeling off the wax paper. Really, let these cool completely or they’ll break apart in your hands and you’ll be forced to eat the broken pieces. Poor you.

While you’re letting them cool, place the chocolate chips in a bowl with a teaspoon of butter. Set the bowl over a small saucepan filled with simmering water and stir until the chocolate’s completely melted. Spread a thin layer over the flat side of one cookie and top with another cookie. Then eat. And eat. And eat.

These really were quite a hit. My cousins loved them. I’ve also got someone staying with me this week who has repeatedly reached into my NY Giants helmet cookie jar for seconds and thirds (I’m going to be making another batch of these when I get home so that there are fourths to be had as well). That just warms my tiny grinch heart. These will definitely be added to my holiday assortment. Yes, even though I hate this holiday, there will be an assortment associated with it. Maybe I will even make gingerbread men. They will all be frowning and missing an eye. Maybe I will also make tree-shaped sugar cookies. They will have missing branches and purple icing. I fight The Man, because I can. Happy Holidays!

And lastly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY RHEA MOL! I love you my dear cousin, whom I consider my dear little sister, and wish you a year of cookies, cakes, happiness and love. Let’s bake something crazy together ASAP! ❤

Categories
Easy Baking Holiday desserts Puddings Sort of Healthy Vegan Desserts

Pumpkin Bread Pudding, And The Sasquatch That Changed Everything

51ldCQfoLxL._SL500_AA300_
51ldCQfoLxL._SL500_AA300_

Originally, this was going to start out as yet another post dedicated to all things pumpkin and Thanksgiving. Now it’s the post where I rant about how tired I am of the city life and need to hunker down in the forest somewhere. Why the forest? Well, I saw this terrible, terrible movie a couple of weeks ago. It was an independent movie that apparently garnered rave reviews at the Sundance Film Festival and caused me to worry about the fate of society (not because of anything particularly moving within the film, but because I can’t understand how a group of reputable professionals who supposedly know a little bit about cinema could stand this thing). I’m hesitant to tell you the name of the movie. As you can probably tell by now, I’m hesitant to even tell you the premise. But it involves a Sasquatch who sounds like James Earl Jones and enjoys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And it’s a drama. But all I could think of was this:
Just spectacularly awful, but I couldn’t look away, because a. I think I was amazed that the yeti costume from Harry and the Hendersons has held up so well and, b. the film was shot in the forests of Oregon and that kind of made me want to make the entire state my new hiding place.

Yes, I am having visions of picking up my bakeware and hightailing it westward. Maybe it’s the ol’ quarter-life crisis popping up again, or maybe it’s just restlessness from spending my entire life in Da Hurst (That’s Elmhurst, for all of you fancy folk who don’t know Queens. Please don’t Google Map me.), but I am tired. Some random old dude rammed into me on my way home from work the other day, just because he could! Seriously, he went out of his way to walk toward me and knock into me (Yes, I do believe he was certifiably deranged, but still). Some other random young dude stomped on my tiny foot on the F train that same night and did not apologize! ANIMALS!

The chances of me actually fleeing the state anytime soon are pretty slim, but I still think it’s time for a change, for the above reasons and trillions more that have nothing to do with baking. Maybe I need a new neighborhood to call home and a new challenge to completely sink into. Does anyone have an obstacle course you can throw my way, or perhaps a complicated mathematical formula in need of solving? I can’t help with the latter, but I’d be able to find someone who can and maybe make a new friend in the process. Maybe I can even teach the nerd to bake.

Speaking of baking… oh, this is a baking blog, isn’t it? Ok, this bread pudding is legitimately one of my favorite holiday desserts. I’d made it last year and could not wait to bust it out yet again this Thanksgiving. I’d pulled it from an interactive column that the New York Times started last year. All of the recipes are vegetarian or vegan (this one’s vegan), and all of the ones I’ve tried out have been amazing. And that’s coming from someone who enjoys cheese. And bacon. Oh bacon. Wait…no… let’s focus:

Chocolate Pumpkin Bread Pudding

1 cup of coconut milk

15 ounces of canned pureed pumpkin

1/2 cup of brown sugar or maple sugar, or a mix of both if you’re wild like that

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoons of nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon of ginger

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

10 cups of cubed, crusty bread of your choice (I used a 14-ounce loaf of French whole wheat bread)

3/4 cups of semisweet chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli which don’t have dairy in them, if you want to keep it vegan up in here)

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

Confectioners sugar for dusting (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350ºF and grease a 9×13″ baking dish. In a blender, puree coconut milk, pumpkin, sugar or syrup and spices until completely smooth.

SONY DSC
SONY DSC
SONY DSC
SONY DSC

Toss your bread cubes with this mixture, then stir in chocolate chips until completely covered. Super easy, right? Even better: this can be a make-ahead dessert, in that you can stir everything together and toss this into the refrigerator, covered, up to three days before you plan to bake it. Um, in that case though, don’t preheat the oven until you’re really ready to bake. I guess that should go without saying, but I’d rather be safe, especially since ya’ll know where I live now.

Sprinkle on brown sugar evenly over the mixture, then bake for 25 to 30 minutes until the top is lightly browned. Cool for about ten minutes, then dust with confectioners’ sugar if you please, and enjoy.

SONY DSC
SONY DSC

I don’t think this picture does the pudding justice. I really love this dessert. I love it so much that I kept a good chunk of it back in my refrigerator. Sharing, schmaring, am I right? If you ever want to reheat the leftovers, I recommend throwing it back into the oven at 200ºF for ten minutes. Or, if you live in the woods, heat a skillet over a small bonfire. If you’re lacking wood, set out a couple of PB&J sammies for the neighborhood Bigfoot and you’ll be set in no time. God, that movie really ruined me.

Categories
Easy Baking Holiday desserts Puddings Sort of Healthy Vegan Desserts

Pumpkin Bread Pudding, And The Sasquatch That Changed Everything

Originally, this was going to start out as yet another post dedicated to all things pumpkin and Thanksgiving. Now it’s the post where I rant about how tired I am of the city life and need to hunker down in the forest somewhere. Why the forest? Well, I saw this terrible, terrible movie a couple of weeks ago. It was an independent movie that apparently garnered rave reviews at the Sundance Film Festival and caused me to worry about the fate of society (not because of anything particularly moving within the film, but because I can’t understand how a group of reputable professionals who supposedly know a little bit about cinema could stand this thing). I’m hesitant to tell you the name of the movie. As you can probably tell by now, I’m hesitant to even tell you the premise. But it involves a Sasquatch who sounds like James Earl Jones and enjoys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And it’s a drama. But all I could think of was this:

Just spectacularly awful, but I couldn’t look away, because a. I think I was amazed that the yeti costume from Harry and the Hendersons has held up so well and, b. the film was shot in the forests of Oregon and that kind of made me want to make the entire state my new hiding place.

Yes, I am having visions of picking up my bakeware and hightailing it westward. Maybe it’s the ol’ quarter-life crisis popping up again, or maybe it’s just restlessness from spending my entire life in Da Hurst (That’s Elmhurst, for all of you fancy folk who don’t know Queens. Please don’t Google Map me.), but I am tired. Some random old dude rammed into me on my way home from work the other day, just because he could! Seriously, he went out of his way to walk toward me and knock into me (Yes, I do believe he was certifiably deranged, but still). Some other random young dude stomped on my tiny foot on the F train that same night and did not apologize! ANIMALS!

The chances of me actually fleeing the state anytime soon are pretty slim, but I still think it’s time for a change, for the above reasons and trillions more that have nothing to do with baking. Maybe I need a new neighborhood to call home and a new challenge to completely sink into. Does anyone have an obstacle course you can throw my way, or perhaps a complicated mathematical formula in need of solving? I can’t help with the latter, but I’d be able to find someone who can and maybe make a new friend in the process. Maybe I can even teach the nerd to bake.

Speaking of baking… oh, this is a baking blog, isn’t it? Ok, this bread pudding is legitimately one of my favorite holiday desserts. I’d made it last year and could not wait to bust it out yet again this Thanksgiving. I’d pulled it from an interactive column that the New York Times started last year. All of the recipes are vegetarian or vegan (this one’s vegan), and all of the ones I’ve tried out have been amazing. And that’s coming from someone who enjoys cheese. And bacon. Oh bacon. Wait…no… let’s focus:

Chocolate Pumpkin Bread Pudding

1 cup of coconut milk

15 ounces of canned pureed pumpkin

1/2 cup of brown sugar or maple sugar, or a mix of both if you’re wild like that

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 1/2 teaspoons of cinnamon

1 1/2 teaspoons of nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon of ginger

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

10 cups of cubed, crusty bread of your choice (I used a 14-ounce loaf of French whole wheat bread)

3/4 cups of semisweet chocolate chips (I used Ghirardelli which don’t have dairy in them, if you want to keep it vegan up in here)

2 tablespoons of brown sugar

Confectioners sugar for dusting (optional)

Preheat your oven to 350ºF and grease a 9×13″ baking dish. In a blender, puree coconut milk, pumpkin, sugar or syrup and spices until completely smooth.

Toss your bread cubes with this mixture, then stir in chocolate chips until completely covered. Super easy, right? Even better: this can be a make-ahead dessert, in that you can stir everything together and toss this into the refrigerator, covered, up to three days before you plan to bake it. Um, in that case though, don’t preheat the oven until you’re really ready to bake. I guess that should go without saying, but I’d rather be safe, especially since ya’ll know where I live now.

Sprinkle on brown sugar evenly over the mixture, then bake for 25 to 30 minutes until the top is lightly browned. Cool for about ten minutes, then dust with confectioners’ sugar if you please, and enjoy.

I don’t think this picture does the pudding justice. I really love this dessert. I love it so much that I kept a good chunk of it back in my refrigerator. Sharing, schmaring, am I right? If you ever want to reheat the leftovers, I recommend throwing it back into the oven at 200ºF for ten minutes. Or, if you live in the woods, heat a skillet over a small bonfire. If you’re lacking wood, set out a couple of PB&J sammies for the neighborhood Bigfoot and you’ll be set in no time. God, that movie really ruined me.

Categories
Cakes Holiday desserts Muffins

It’s Thanksgiving, So We’re Talking About Stuffing [One Dessert Into Another]

Guess what I did on Monday! I went to see Chris Cornell perform at Carnegie Hall! Guess how terrible my seats were! THIS terrible (my arms are stretched WAY out)!

photo(4)
photo(4)

And yet, the show was pretty perfect. I’m happy I decided to go instead of scamming someone else into buying my nosebleed, second-to-last row seats. That man has got a VOICE, and that voice has got some power. He’s also got some serious Soundgarden fans: on the long elevator ride up to our seats, my show companion observed several long-haired devotees packed into our car and stage-whispered “take me to 1994!” Yes, I did lose it. And no, I obviously did not make friends at this show. Still, in the spirit of a holiday that’s supposed to be about being happy and grateful, I thought I’d start with a night that actually made me feel those things. Especially since I’ve been such a lame downer lately. Let me make that up to you with more sweets, dear people.

As you guys probably know by now, I like stuffing awesome things into other awesome things to create super desserts. I mean, why have one tasty, amazing and butter-filled concoction when you can have two? And why have them separately when you can just smush them together? Aren’t you always so bummed when you only have room on your plate for a few desserts, so you have to start piling cookies on top of pie slices on top of puddings? I know you all do that too, so don’t even play.

Enter the Pumpkin Pie Coffee Cake. Yes, kids, it’s for real and it’s fabulous. It’s also not healthy at all, so if you’re looking for something pumpkin-y that’s low-sugar and low-fat (Mom and Dad), feast your eyes on my previous post on doughnuts. For the rest of us champions, there exists this glorious, fat-laden monstrosity that deserves a spot on your Thanksgiving treat table. It also just deserves a spot in any other void in your life. What I’m saying is that this cake will solve all your problems. Trust me, I’m a Reverend.*

I turned these into muffins because I’m an evil human being intent on giving these away to unsuspecting friends and family, and muffins make this so much easier. If you would rather make this as a cake, you can use a 10″ spring form pan for easy removal.

photo(3)
photo(3)

Pumpkin Pie Coffee Cake Muffins (makes 18 muffins)

For the coffee cake

2 1/4 cups of all-purpose flour

3/4 cup of sugar

1/2 teaspoon of baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of baking powder

1/2 teaspoon of salt

3/4 cup of butter, cold and cut into cubes

1 egg

3/4 cup of sour cream

1 teaspoon of vanilla extract

For the filling

8 ounces of cream cheese or neufchatel cheese

2 cups of canned pumpkin (again, NOT pumpkin pie filling, that ain’t right)

1/4 cup of sugar

1 teaspoon of cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon of ground cloves

Pinch of salt

Preheat your oven to 350°F. Let’s start with the coffee cake portion of this death trap. In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder and salt. Throw in your cubed butter and start mixing with clean fingers until it’s formed into little lumpy balls. This might take you a while, and it might feel a little like that pottery scene from Ghost. Don’t go there, though. Instead, set aside 3/4 cup of this mixture for the topping.

photo
photo

In a separate bowl, mix together the sour cream, egg and vanilla, then stir into your flour mixture to create a loose dough (don’t overmix). For muffins, mold these into the bottoms and 1 inch up the sides of your tins. It might take a while because the dough gets sticky, so pace yourself.

Then, in a medium-sized bowl using a hand mixer, mix together your cream cheese, pumpkin, sugar, spices and salt until smooth. Pour the mixture evenly into your muffin cups, over the coffee cake dough.

photo(1)
photo(1)

Sprinkle the crumb topping you’d reserved over each cup, making sure to evenly cover them as best you can. Then send the pans into the oven for 55 to 60 minutes, rotating pans halfway through for even baking, until the sides are lightly browned.

SONY DSC
SONY DSC

Mine came out a little more than lightly browned, because I didn’t check on them at 55 minutes. Don’t be like me. These were still pretty amazing, though, based on all of the “taste-testing” I did. I also gifted one to my coworker and friend, Afshan, and stood behind her going “bite into it! Bite into it” while she picked it up (I realize how creepy that is now, but did not at the time. My bad, friend). She gave it a thumbs-up too, even though I am a creeper.

Anyway, since it’s Thanksgiving and one of the only times of the year I grow a soul, I’d like to just take a minute to let you people know how grateful I am that you actually read this thing. It’s funny and touching to hear someone say “I read about it on your blog,” because I’m still sometimes convinced that I’m the only person who sees it. So thanks for making this even more fun than I thought it would be when I started causing trouble in the blogosphere earlier this year. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. We’ll be back to our regular soulless, untouchy, unfeely programming shortly.

*Obviously I am joking yet again. Just because I’m a minister doesn’t make anything I say gospel (har har). Except that this dessert is amazing. That’s for real.